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Thread: I troll myself

  1. #1
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    I troll myself

    I don't want anybody else,
    when I think about you
    I troll myself.



    I have recently undertaken a new Fatkins diet that I read in some obscure tabloid magazine some time ago. I think it's an outstanding success because I lost 169kg in three weeks. However, for some reason I then found that I had no energy at all and struggled with even the most basic functions of life. However, don't anybody dare tell me that this diet was the cause of my problems, there's no way they can be linked, after all, losing weight has to be healthy, so I'm gonna flame you to all hell if you disagree with me!

    I was riding my unicycle to work on the shortened version of my commute (a mere 250km as opposed to my usual 400km), wearing the full clown suit when the driver of a pick-up truck raised his eyebrows at me in what was clearly a threatening manner. Now I'm normally a rational kind of guy, but this really ticked me off. What I'm wondering here is whether I should carry a *** in future to deal with psychos like this.

    There is, however, an equal and opposite troll:

    I was out riding my bike this morning when I someone in a car yelled at me to "get off the ******** road", before swerving at me, then throwing a full beer can at me. At first I was angry with him, then I thought back to three weeks ago when I saw a cyclist run a red light, and then I realised that all this time, the driver was the victim. After all, the cyclist who ran a red light gave us all a bad name that day (never mind the fact that everyone else at the intersection, myself included, ran the light, and that this driver probably didn't even see it). Clearly, this was what was upsetting the driver (not that I actually asked him at the time). In fact, that cyclist who ran that light three weeks ago is probably also responsible for war, famine and global warming. Man, I'd like to punch his lights out -- he ruined my ride Goddammit!

    Hello, I am a newbie in need of professional assistance for (insert problem here), but I'm too lazy and too stingy to pay for these services, so I thought I'd come and ask the people here. After all, I know someone here will be able to solve my problem.

    I saw a terrible newspaper article yesterday, claiming a cyclist had been killed on a road. If only he'd been wearing a helmet. The fact that he swerved across four lanes of traffic without looking first is irrelevant, after all, we all know that helmets will protect you from every possible threat, be it cars, AIDS, war, famine, natural disasters or whatever. So don't you dare try to tell me that the cyclist might have made a mistake (beyond not wearing a helmet), or that we might be able to learn something from this incident because that would be extremely callous so I'm gonna flame you to hell.

    Man, I'm so sick of those helmet nazis telling me I should wear my helmet. For God's sake, it's my choice dammit and no zealot is going to tell me I should wear one. After all, they're really dorky and uncool, and I don't like things on my head (although bandages are cool and chicks dig scars). Besides, someone in the Swaziland conducted a study from a really small sample and concluded that I'll get hit by cars if I wear my helmet (never mind the fact that everybody else who wears a helmet somehow manages to avoid being hit by cars on a regular basis).

    Since the days are getting shorter now, I thought I would start looking at the sunrise and sunset times on the Internet as a way of coping with it. Don't anyone dare tell me I should consider getting lights in case the weather turns nasty on a ride or I get held up by a flat tyre or some other mechanical failure. I'll flame you to hell because they are uncool and dorky and I'm way too cool for that crap!

    Hello, I'm a total and complete f*ckwit who has spent a lot of time running around various fora flaming and even making online death threats against various posters who disagreed with me. Then I came to this board because it has moderators, but strangely, when I flame people here, they still flame me back. Why? I thought the mods were supposed to stop this. Then I tried reporting one of the posts to a moderator, and they wrote back and told me to behave myself! Can you believe it? I mean, I'm also a donating member (even if my subscription doesn't come close to paying the admin's hosting fee) so I should get priority. This board sucks Goddammit!
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  2. #2
    Neil_B
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris L View Post
    I don't want anybody else,
    when I think about you
    I troll myself.



    I have recently undertaken a new Fatkins diet that I read in some obscure tabloid magazine some time ago. I think it's an outstanding success because I lost 169kg in three weeks. However, for some reason I then found that I had no energy at all and struggled with even the most basic functions of life. However, don't anybody dare tell me that this diet was the cause of my problems, there's no way they can be linked, after all, losing weight has to be healthy, so I'm gonna flame you to all hell if you disagree with me!

    I was riding my unicycle to work on the shortened version of my commute (a mere 250km as opposed to my usual 400km), wearing the full clown suit when the driver of a pick-up truck raised his eyebrows at me in what was clearly a threatening manner. Now I'm normally a rational kind of guy, but this really ticked me off. What I'm wondering here is whether I should carry a *** in future to deal with psychos like this.

    There is, however, an equal and opposite troll:

    I was out riding my bike this morning when I someone in a car yelled at me to "get off the ******** road", before swerving at me, then throwing a full beer can at me. At first I was angry with him, then I thought back to three weeks ago when I saw a cyclist run a red light, and then I realised that all this time, the driver was the victim. After all, the cyclist who ran a red light gave us all a bad name that day (never mind the fact that everyone else at the intersection, myself included, ran the light, and that this driver probably didn't even see it). Clearly, this was what was upsetting the driver (not that I actually asked him at the time). In fact, that cyclist who ran that light three weeks ago is probably also responsible for war, famine and global warming. Man, I'd like to punch his lights out -- he ruined my ride Goddammit!

    Hello, I am a newbie in need of professional assistance for (insert problem here), but I'm too lazy and too stingy to pay for these services, so I thought I'd come and ask the people here. After all, I know someone here will be able to solve my problem.

    I saw a terrible newspaper article yesterday, claiming a cyclist had been killed on a road. If only he'd been wearing a helmet. The fact that he swerved across four lanes of traffic without looking first is irrelevant, after all, we all know that helmets will protect you from every possible threat, be it cars, AIDS, war, famine, natural disasters or whatever. So don't you dare try to tell me that the cyclist might have made a mistake (beyond not wearing a helmet), or that we might be able to learn something from this incident because that would be extremely callous so I'm gonna flame you to hell.

    Man, I'm so sick of those helmet nazis telling me I should wear my helmet. For God's sake, it's my choice dammit and no zealot is going to tell me I should wear one. After all, they're really dorky and uncool, and I don't like things on my head (although bandages are cool and chicks dig scars). Besides, someone in the Swaziland conducted a study from a really small sample and concluded that I'll get hit by cars if I wear my helmet (never mind the fact that everybody else who wears a helmet somehow manages to avoid being hit by cars on a regular basis).

    Since the days are getting shorter now, I thought I would start looking at the sunrise and sunset times on the Internet as a way of coping with it. Don't anyone dare tell me I should consider getting lights in case the weather turns nasty on a ride or I get held up by a flat tyre or some other mechanical failure. I'll flame you to hell because they are uncool and dorky and I'm way too cool for that crap!

    Hello, I'm a total and complete f*ckwit who has spent a lot of time running around various fora flaming and even making online death threats against various posters who disagreed with me. Then I came to this board because it has moderators, but strangely, when I flame people here, they still flame me back. Why? I thought the mods were supposed to stop this. Then I tried reporting one of the posts to a moderator, and they wrote back and told me to behave myself! Can you believe it? I mean, I'm also a donating member (even if my subscription doesn't come close to paying the admin's hosting fee) so I should get priority. This board sucks Goddammit!
    Nicely done. I like the last paragraph, if only because I have a personal stalker on the Usenet chess groups.

  3. #3
    No I'm Not a Pirate! Bionicycle's Avatar
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    Do Moderators get vacations? Just a friendly thought…
    A bird can roost but on one branch, a mouse can drink not more than its fill from a river.

  4. #4
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    Did you quit taking your medication?
    What is better than getting your heart rate up and saddle time?

  5. #5
    CRIKEY!!!!!!! Cyclaholic's Avatar
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    Bluddy hell, now I cant get that friggen song out of my head..... the curse of the Divinyls! aaaaaaggghhhhh
    There are 10 types of people in the world - the ones that can count in base 2, the ones that can't count in base 2, and the ones that didn't expect this to be in base 3.

  6. #6
    in cog neato itsmoot's Avatar
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    I've never seen a thread where using lights got flamed!

    I feel so incomplete now. Link?

  7. #7
    I make stuff up
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    A whole new BF category! Let's call it AutoTroll!
    It's around here somewhere . . .

  8. #8
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by itsmoot View Post
    I've never seen a thread where using lights got flamed!

    I feel so incomplete now. Link?
    It was on another board, and I think it got deleted when I flamed them right back.
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  9. #9
    Been Around Awhile I-Like-To-Bike's Avatar
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    You forgot to include the classic trollish mantra - "Every Lane is a Bike Lane."

  10. #10
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I-Like-To-Bike View Post
    You forgot to include the classic trollish mantra - "Every Lane is a Bike Lane."
    Twanged a nerve, did I Stanley?
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  11. #11
    Immoderator KrisPistofferson's Avatar
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    Even though I use my autonomy as a mod in incredibly stupid, selfish and arbitrary ways, regular posters complain about it because they hate mods for being saints who do a completely thankless job. It's torture being a mod, but it makes it a little more bearable when I look out for one of my buddies and screw another poster. I don't get punished by anyone either, because all of us know our job is thankless so we look out for each other. Don't agree? Check your PMs.
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  12. #12
    Senior Member randya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris L View Post
    I don't want anybody else,
    when I think about you
    I troll myself.
    Divinyls

    Last edited by randya; 09-17-08 at 03:14 AM.

  13. #13
    Senior Member randya's Avatar
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    aren't pick up trucks 'utes' down under?

  14. #14
    Been Around Awhile I-Like-To-Bike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris L View Post
    Twanged a nerve, did I Stanley?
    Nope, just laffing at you and your trollish signature. Also laff at the hypocrisy of the mod who repeatedly ignores Forum guidelines.

  15. #15
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I-Like-To-Bike View Post
    Nope, just laffing at you and your trollish signature. Also laff at the hypocrisy of the mod who repeatedly ignores Forum guidelines.
    Much like the troll who is happy to ignore just about every one of the forum guidelines themselves, yet report or whine about every second post they read. Get off your high horse, dude.

    Oh, and BTW, my troll is bigger than yours.
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

  16. #16
    CRIKEY!!!!!!! Cyclaholic's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by randya View Post
    aren't pick up trucks 'utes' down under?
    Yes, they are.
    There are 10 types of people in the world - the ones that can count in base 2, the ones that can't count in base 2, and the ones that didn't expect this to be in base 3.

  17. #17
    Been Around Awhile I-Like-To-Bike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Chris L View Post
    Much like the troll who is happy to ignore just about every one of the forum guidelines themselves, yet report or whine about every second post they read. Get off your high horse, dude.

    Oh, and BTW, my troll is bigger than yours.
    Some mods enforce the rules and see that the BF posts stay within the posted guidelines; one or two are like yourself and flaunt them when the mood strikes and use the Blue Star Cudgel to laff about it.

  18. #18
    Every lane is a bike lane Chris L's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by I-Like-To-Bike View Post
    Some mods enforce the rules and see that the BF posts stay within the posted guidelines; one or two are like yourself and flaunt them when the mood strikes and use the Blue Star Cudgel to laff about it.
    Well, I wouldn't want to miss you making a fool of yourself every second post. Have a nice day.
    "I am never going to flirt with idleness again" - Roy Keane
    "We invite everyone to question the entire culture we take for granted." - Manic Street Preachers.
    My blog.
    My bike tours. Japan tour page under construction.

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