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Old 01-10-02, 10:03 PM   #1
Galadriel
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five second rule

The Five Second Rule states that food left/dropped on the floor may still be eaten if it has only been there for five seconds or less; this rule has proven to be the starving college student's best friend. My little buddy the five second rule is also applicable to other areas of life. Here are some examples.

1) Advice for guys on dating: When you walk your date to the door at the end of a date and lean in to suggest a kiss, if she does not move for five seconds, take a hint and leave. The woman does not want to kiss you, just save yourself the embarrasment of having the door slammed in your face and leave while you're ahead.

2) You know that myth regarding tardy professors? In five minutes you can leave if it's a visiting instructor, ten if it's a tenure track professor, and 15 if it's a department head? I say, if you're there on time and your prof isn't, give them five seconds after they're supposed to be there and then leave. If they aren't there by now, they won't be there to see you walking out the door.

3) More dating advice: Your man comes to pick you up, and he knocks on the door. If he does not respond to your greeting within five seconds, slam the door in his face and consider the date over. Slow response time equals slow intellect, and he probably has the mental capacity of vermiccelli.

4) Containers in the fridge: If considering whether or not to open the container takes more than five seconds, your first instinct is the correct one: whatever is in there is probably mutated and is awaiting its prey.

5) Dorm life: Unclaimed food left in common areas such as the lounge that remains unclaimed five seconds after you yell, "who's chips are these?" becomes public domain and is rightfully yours because you grabbed it first.
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Old 01-11-02, 10:04 AM   #2
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Originally posted by Galadriel
The Five Second Rule states that food left/dropped on the floor may still be eaten if it has only been there for five seconds or less; ...the five second rule is also applicable to other areas of life. Here are some examples.
LOL

Welcome to BF! Living in metro Atlanta, I thought this was going to be about red light runners

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Old 01-11-02, 10:04 AM   #3
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Corollary to Rule #5:

This rule does not apply to those in a position to do oneself grievous physical harm, including martial arts masters, student system administrators, and the first-born children of senior Mafia members.
--

And a few to add:

When calling a guy/girl to ask them out:

If they do not respond within five seconds of, "So, do you want to go to see the Puking Electric Voltaires on Saturday?" you are S.O.L. Accept defeat, and move on. It is the way of the Tao that the person on the other end of the line is more interested in playing with their twenty-year old Gumby than going out on a date with you.

When working on a bicycle:

Contemplate the bike for five seconds before taking off on a "test ride" up the Himalayas to viset Tibet. This way, you will gain valuable insight into the nature of the universe, you will restore the energy of body and mind, and you will notice the set of brake cables which you forgot to reconnect.

When cooking:

If you drop the filet mignon, er, Swanson's Salsbury Steak dinner on the floor, it is acceptable to eat providing two of the three conditions are met:

1. It has been on the ground less than five seconds.
2. It is not being consumed by you.
3. It is not being consumed by someone who provides you with, or from whom you would wish to obtain, free sex.
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Old 01-11-02, 12:33 PM   #4
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Welcome from a fellow "Decaturite". :thumbup:

Some of the rules seems rather strange, but in reality are probably true.
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Old 01-11-02, 01:17 PM   #5
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A five-second rule for group rides:
  • If you are the last to get to the regroup at the top of the hill, everyone will start leaving within five seconds of your appearance.
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Old 01-12-02, 08:41 AM   #6
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Anyone who drops food on the floor and it stays there for 5 seconds obviously doesn't own a dog.
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Old 01-12-02, 03:01 PM   #7
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The 5 second rule also works very well for kids.
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Old 01-12-02, 07:06 PM   #8
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(I hope I don't violate copywrite laws...)
Quote:
Originally posted by Galadriel, modified by Pete Clark:
3) a. More dating advice: Your man comes to pick you up, and he knocks on the door. If he does not respond to your greeting within five seconds, slam the door in his face and consider the date over. Slow response time equals slow intellect, and he probably has the mental capacity of vermiccelli.
3) b. Check youself for five seconds. If you have forgotten to change out of your jammies, part a. above can be disregarded.

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Old 01-13-02, 12:01 PM   #9
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My rule regards laundry rooms- this applies to those living in apartment buildings. Sometimes, people forget and let their laundry sit in the dryer, so you have to take it out in order to use the machine.Of course, you usually leave it there and they pick it up. But I remember how some of the dingbats in the building would leave their clothes there for days or even forget about it entirely.
How do you forget your clothes for days on end? I notice if even one pair of my socks is missing. .

And sometimes it was pretty swell stuff with nice labels, from some of the better stores. Anyone who is too stupid to remember to pick up their clothes after a week shouldn't be surprised if the elves make off with their stuff! I guess if you're a spoiled student whose parents pay for your rent and everything else, you can afford to leave your nice clothes in the laundry room- heck, you can always buy more! Hard cheese! Them's the rules.
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Old 01-13-02, 06:53 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally posted by A F Baker
The 5 second rule also works very well for kids.
A five second copulation?
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Old 01-13-02, 07:36 PM   #11
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A five second copulation?


Who, me?! ...uhm...



How 'bout them Braves!

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