Alright, I was so freaking psyched at the beginning of this year. I had my bike, the 87' Panasonic DX-6000 in my signature. I love that bike, I still do. But it spends it's time hanging on my wall. I've ridden it once in the past like 2 months. I bought the frame, built the wheels, I assembled the whole bike. It was one of the best learning experiences of my life, and really hammered in, and proved to me, my love for bicycles is more than just a phase. Later in the year, I bought my Surly Long Haul Trucker brand new. That bike on the other hand gets ridden 8 miles daily to and from work. I've ridden to work 61 days in a row as of today, 488 miles or so. This season all together I've logged probably over 1,000 miles. That's insane to everyone who isn't into cycling, but it's nothing like I wanted to get. My goal for the year was 5,000 miles or more. Probably a serious long shot this being my first serious year in the sport. So, perhaps I did well for my first season. But part of me feels like I've let myself down. I was losing weight, feeling amazing, I did ~100 miles a week for a month or two early in the season.
Then I crashed, literally. I somehow did an endo riding my Paansonic to work one day. That was actually my second crash of the year, but the first one that kept me off the bike. No major damage to me or the bike. I had to replace the bar tape, and clean off some of the blood from the serious hand road rash I got (I wasn't wearing gloves at the time). But, it took me probably two months to retape the bars. The bike was dusty at that point. I'd put back on some weight, and I know my legs lost some of their "oomph". I've ridden the bike 3 times since that incident. The last was the most positive, I remembered what I loved about that bike, and riding recreationally, but that was still only a ride to work.
If I put my cycling shorts back on, and went for a ride, I'd be fine probably and wouldn't think anything of it. I guess I'm just afraid to. And the season's drawing to a close soon. Maybe I'll get some in. Maybe not. But I feel bad for my bike, and the goals that I had. I wanted to do the Bridge to Bridge that happened yesterday. I was at home, not on my bike. Though I did have a major urge to go riding.
Another thing, I think, that really hurt me this year.
The death of a truly good friend, and a burgeoning riding partner.
I had a friend who was going to buy the Raleigh Grand Prix (also in my sig) that I rode a little. We rode quite a few times. Him and I did a solo of 30 miles. It was great. Then, I don't know... I lost him. He took his own life for some god-forsaken reason... I had been wanting a partner all year... And him and I were better friends than we'd ever been... I think this had the biggest effect on my year.
I'm not sure what I'm really trying to convey here. I think I'm just trying to get my feelings out there to people who understand. It just hurts me to know that I let myself down like that and that I lost so much in it all. Anyone else have a similar thing? Any support or anything?
Thanks for reading... sorry it was kinda long winded.