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Old 04-10-10, 12:21 PM   #1
KarenB1021
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Buddy etiquette

I was wondering what other riders think of this and what you would do.

I have been riding from March - November ride for about 17 years with a group of women. I have the longest commute 53 miles. we go on Sunday or Sat am usually, weather permitting.

Last year ended on a sad note for me, after being the leader for 16 years I had a few bad rides. My pace dropped and 2 weeks after the last ride of the year my gall bladder erupted and I had emergency surgery. Was out of the blue.

I have totally recovered and feel better then ever. Rode my 53 miles last week with only one buddy (sister in law) and after all those years of leading I expected to destroy her. Well my bike being 17 years old decided to ride horrible, my chain fell off 5 times. She totally took it as a chance to get a lead. Which is fine ( I have never taken off on a fellow rider, I wait for them when I no longer see them to ensure they are ok)

On the ride homeward my chain fell off about 15 miles from end and she kept going, I had cell phone with me and she didnt call or text. When i got home was no call to see if I was ok. That bothered me a little but I figured it was her day, after I dominated the ride so long she was using this as way to feel good, still I was ok. What bothered me was when I logged on facebook that night and this was her post, "Totally blow my riding partner away today, Ride was soooo easy. Hope the rest of your ride was good Karen"

I must be too protective of other ppl lol I wouldn't leave a rider stranded just to post on the internet I dominated the ride. Its not my pride to not winning the "Race" its the fact that I could have been hit by a car, kidnapped, raped or hurt somewhere and she didnt call or text, she posted on the internet for strangers to see. Am I being too sensitive or do you think this is poor buddy riding etiquette? I am quiet and shy and didnt say a word about it but inside its eating at me.

On a side note my bike is all done, she needs more work and parts then she is worth (bearing, hubs, rims, derailer, shifter etc). The bike shop recommends I get a new bike so I am test driving 3 tomorrow.

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Old 04-10-10, 12:51 PM   #2
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Really rude of her...Isn't it Tour de France etiquette that you don't take advantage of a crash or other issue to increase a lead or win? You always wait, and the TDF is a pretty big deal! Unless you said go on ahead without me she is in the wrong.

Couple options: Reply to her fb saying everyone has their good and bad days, 17 years later you had a good day; Ride with her and make her suffer, hills, and blow her away, then post on fb; don't ride with her; or and prob best option just brush it off and don't let it bother you...
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Old 04-10-10, 12:54 PM   #3
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Tell her that she is getting sooo strong! Destroy her on subsequent rides. Reminding yourself that the only time she finished first is after you had surgery and suffered multiple mechanicals should make it easier to brush off.
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Old 04-10-10, 01:38 PM   #4
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She is not a "buddy." I would say something to her about her: 1. Overall inconsideration 2. Being so childish by posting on Facebook (that site is for kids) and 3. Just being an arse. Ride alone or with others so that you don't have to deal with crap like that. Is your brother away that he married a minor?
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Old 04-10-10, 01:39 PM   #5
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Revenge is not the answer. Don't let it get to you. She'll figure it out.
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Old 04-10-10, 01:42 PM   #6
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She is not a "buddy." I would say something to her about her: 1. Overall inconsideration 2. Being so childish by posting on Facebook (that site is for kids) and 3. Just being an arse. Ride alone or with others so that you don't have to deal with crap like that. Is your brother away that he married a minor?
It's also good for adults who would like to stay in touch with family members who've stayed behind when others moved across the states, such as myself. I do see childish behavior, but I also see many people I want to stay in touch with and love. My band mates and I also use it to plan rehearsals.
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Old 04-10-10, 03:00 PM   #7
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My advice is to ride with men. Problem solved.
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Old 04-10-10, 03:25 PM   #8
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I hope you take this as instructive and not overly critical but you need to look a bit at what you just posted. Ride leaders teach by example and that example spreads through the whole group. If the ride leader tends to be a hammer head the group will turn into hammer heads. Such statements like, “and after all those years of leading I expected to destroy her.” Makes one wonder what pace you had set for the first part of the ride?
Not knowing the personality of the person you were riding with I would wonder where she learned her riding habits before you decide she was just being rude first ask yourself if you did anything that allowed her to think you were out to destroy her.
If you set the ride rules up front, no drop or no wait such things may happen but not as often. Our B group riders will stop and assist every time. Our A group riders will stop once in a while. But if there is even a thought of someone destroying the other riders when that rider has a problem they get dropped.
By the way I hope you enjoy your new bike. What are you looking for?
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Old 04-10-10, 03:30 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Foster View Post
[FONT=Verdana]I hope you take this as instructive and not overly critical but you need to look a bit at what you just posted. Ride leaders teach by example and that example spreads through the whole group. If the ride leader tends to be a hammer head the group will turn into hammer heads. Such statements like, “and after all those years of leading I expected to destroy her.”
That's a very good point!
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Old 04-10-10, 04:46 PM   #10
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Meh, I either ride solo, or I ride with my club and we don't do d*ouche moves like drop someone because they have a mechanical and then brag about it later. We ride for fun, not to engage in dick-waving contests.

EDIT: effing nanny state forum.
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Old 04-10-10, 07:00 PM   #11
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I hope you take this as instructive and not overly critical but you need to look a bit at what you just posted. Ride leaders teach by example and that example spreads through the whole group. If the ride leader tends to be a hammer head the group will turn into hammer heads. Such statements like, “and after all those years of leading I expected to destroy her.” Makes one wonder what pace you had set for the first part of the ride?
Not knowing the personality of the person you were riding with I would wonder where she learned her riding habits before you decide she was just being rude first ask yourself if you did anything that allowed her to think you were out to destroy her.
If you set the ride rules up front, no drop or no wait such things may happen but not as often. Our B group riders will stop and assist every time. Our A group riders will stop once in a while. But if there is even a thought of someone destroying the other riders when that rider has a problem they get dropped.
By the way I hope you enjoy your new bike. What are you looking for?
I see your point, but I have been riding w/ her for 17 years. We had 4 of us and are down to her and I left that do the weekly ride. We do try to best each other the entire ride, but my chain had broken 4-5 times the entire 53 miles. I had to ride the last 15 in only one gear so it would stay on. I never expected her to keep going the last time it broke. I guess it didnt bother me till I saw that she took the time to post online rather then text/call me to see if I got home ok.

On the bike issue, I am looking at the cannondale synapse 5 womens and the felt zw5. Any suggestions?
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Old 04-10-10, 09:38 PM   #12
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It looks like your riding partner saw your mechanical issues as her chance to dominate and then brag about it. If she needs to bolster her self-esteem that way then I feel sorry for her. You'll probably cream her on your new bike.

There is a women's forum that you are eligible to gain access to after posting for a month. Send a PM to Siu Blue Wind (administrator) to gain access.
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Old 04-10-10, 09:53 PM   #13
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I see your point, but I have been riding w/ her for 17 years. We had 4 of us and are down to her and I left that do the weekly ride. We do try to best each other the entire ride, but my chain had broken 4-5 times the entire 53 miles. I had to ride the last 15 in only one gear so it would stay on. I never expected her to keep going the last time it broke. I guess it didnt bother me till I saw that she took the time to post online rather then text/call me to see if I got home ok.

On the bike issue, I am looking at the cannondale synapse 5 womens and the felt zw5. Any suggestions?
Fair enough then.

At that price range I would lean towards the Felt. I simply like the looks of it. You should take a look at the Jamis Xenith Comp femme and the Giant Avail Advanced 2. Of the 4 women that ride in our group 3 ride the Specialized Ruby and one has a Trek Madone.
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Old 04-11-10, 04:56 PM   #14
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I got the Cannondale synapse 5, she has the 105 shifter and omg its sooooo smooth and quiet that while test riding I had to look down and see if when I had clicked it that it actually moved I think this is the beginning of a very long and wonderful friendship ^^
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Old 04-11-10, 05:16 PM   #15
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Me personally if I were in your shoes. I would destroy your buddy on the next ride. But then wait for her before the ride ends and let her know in the sweetest voice possible you would never finish out the ride without making sure she's ok. I think she'll get the message. And serving up a big slice of humble pie to your friends is always fun.
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Old 04-11-10, 05:31 PM   #16
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What bothered me was when I logged on facebook that night and this was her post, "Totally blow my riding partner away today, Ride was soooo easy. Hope the rest of your ride was good Karen"...
...I must be too protective of other ppl lol I wouldn't leave a rider stranded just to post on the internet I dominated the ride... The bike shop recommends I get a new bike so I am test driving 3 tomorrow.
Hear that rumbling sound on the horizon? That's the sound of impending payback. Please leave your cellphone at home on that ride and be sure to post a follow-up link to your Facebook entry describing how you dropped some hapless wet-noodle who used to be able to keep up okay, but has apparently put on a few too many pounds.
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Old 04-11-10, 07:49 PM   #17
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I got the Cannondale synapse 5, she has the 105 shifter and omg its sooooo smooth and quiet that while test riding I had to look down and see if when I had clicked it that it actually moved I think this is the beginning of a very long and wonderful friendship ^^
Cannondale is a good bike and 105s work well. Two of our men rides have Cannondales. 105s are fine shifters and are only a few grams heavier than Ultegra or Dura Ace. But we need pictures.
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Old 04-11-10, 10:18 PM   #18
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I can understand a little competition on a ride, even, or maybe especially, with old friends but once there is a mechanical problem, there is no more competition. Moreover, I would never leave someone like that, especially when there are only two people on the ride to begin with. I would not want to ride with someone like that.
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Old 04-11-10, 10:34 PM   #19
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And that is why you should never dominate a ride for 17 years... haha, your sister in law sounds like she really needed to win, take you down. probably thinks you're a bike snob and that you just got taught a lesson, or something. Maybe you did.

Whatever... you just got sucker punched.

BTW, sand baggers are evil, i hope you weren't doing that.
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Old 04-11-10, 11:08 PM   #20
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I wouldn't worry about it at all. If you've been besting her for all these years let her have a little gloating, even at your expense.
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Old 04-12-10, 04:57 AM   #21
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Anyone else suspect this person is a troll?? Very trollish sounding post to me ... a slight variation on the usual, "I ride a beater bike, but can still take down the poseurs" type of post.


However ... on the off-chance this is real ...


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after being the leader for 16 years I had a few bad rides. My pace dropped ... and after all those years of leading I expected to destroy her. Well my bike being 17 years old decided to ride horrible, my chain fell off 5 times. ... but I figured it was her day, after I dominated the ride so long she was using this as way to feel good, still I was ok. What bothered me was when I logged on facebook that night and this was her post, "Totally blow my riding partner away today, Ride was soooo easy. Hope the rest of your ride was good Karen" ... Its not my pride to not winning the "Race" ... I am quiet and shy and didnt say a word about it but inside its eating at me..
You don't sound like the shy and quiet type to me. You sound like a very agressive person, like you've got to "win" at all costs even on a commute (a ride to work or school), and if that's the attitude you displayed to the people you rode with when you were strong, perhaps that's why your sister-in-law did what she did now.
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Old 04-14-10, 06:31 PM   #22
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Cannondale is a good bike and 105s work well. Two of our men rides have Cannondales. 105s are fine shifters and are only a few grams heavier than Ultegra or Dura Ace. But we need pictures.
Just picked her up! Rode today, did 30 miles. I can't wait for tomorrow to ride again
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