Well, I know I should have gone a long time ago to the doctor or psychiatrist about this, but since the community here is so diverse and experienced I thought it might help, especially since I don't think any doctor would have the same love for biking as I and others do here.
*Just as a warning, my story here gets a bit long
Well, in September the semester started. All was well. I knew I was going into one of the most challenging faculties in the university but I was up for it. Young and ready to conquere all
Six months before I had started endurance training. I was at my peak. Never in my life had I felt so top both physically and mentally.
It all went downhill few weeks into the semester. Day by day I was cutting my training hours as well as my sleep. It reached a point that I was getting no more than 6 hours of sleep each night and only two hours of effective biking or running per week.
It was all still ok. As long as I could run and bike, life was good.
Then one day, it all came crashing down. I came back from a run (a rather routine one), and then I was feeling like I had reached the end of the line (you may remember the post I made the very same day on this forum) Learned a lesson for life a few hours ago...
Lightheadness... feverish chills... diherrea... unexplainable muscle aches in my shoulder... strange pains in my left side...
I got better, but after that day I did not, could not run or bike like before. Even 10 minutes of exercise would bring me back to that state. So I cut it off completely as I realized that it was severely effecting my academic performance, thinking it would get better eventually.
The hope of getting back on the saddle or running around the track again kept me alive. But I soon discovered that it was gonna get a lot worse before it got worse:
I was getting serious sysmptoms of stress, the silent killer: Trembling hands, undesired weightloss, shortness of breath (similar to asthma attacks), strange muscle knot pains. At this point even running up the stairs a bit too fast would give a major headrush; anything a tad physically demanding was out of the question.
Well, I guess you can imagine how confused I was getting. Now, on top of all the academic pressure, the very fact that I could no longer have the athletic performance I had before I was piling on more and more stress and putting me into a deep state of depression. On top of all, I was getting less and less sleep as a result.
This vicous cycle only getting worse and worse. Right now, even the thought of biking for example, gets my heart racing and gives me this really really creepy nervous feeling. Almost as if it has become an untouchable thing for me. On one hand I remember what I once could do, on the other hand the thought my last rides gives me phobia
I don't want to sound dramatic, but I'm holding strong at the edge of the knife hoping my fingers don't cut off before I run out of strength. It will all be over soon with the final examinations. That's actually the wrose part, but just a only bit longer.
I know most readers here are older than me. Have you yourself or know someone that has gone through something similar to what I am going trhough?
Can I just relax knowing that this is a phase that I will recover from soon after it's all over? Or will this trauma leave scars that are very hard to forget?
I'm just not sure anymore.
They say hope keeps you alive... which I do not have.