Friend who won't listen
07-23-12, 09:14 AM
#26
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Visit a local homeless shelter and report back on how many lives you have saved.
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Fred "The Real Fred"
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07-23-12, 09:25 AM
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Maybe he doesn't want to feel indebted to you for your free help.
07-23-12, 10:32 AM
#28
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Giving friendly advice is one thing. Hounding someone to accept your advice, however well-intentioned, is another thing entirely. From what you're saying it sounds like you've well and truly crossed the line.
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07-23-12, 11:18 AM
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I have a friend who got bit hard by the cycling bug this year, much to my surprise. I wholeheartedly support his new hobby/lifestyle change but he refuses to take any of my advice when it comes to spending money. I advised him not to buy a Walmart bike but he did so anyway and ended up realizing he made a mistake after trying a friend's real bike out. Now he has a better bike but won't let me help him with the most basic repairs. I offer to do it for him for free (because it's fun for me) and give him replacement parts from my collection but he insists on going to a bike shop for simple things. I won't pretend I never spent too much money at the bike shop in my more ignorant days, but I feel like I have come a long way in being a competent mechanic and resourceful at finding free or low cost replacement parts. I know there are plenty of honest bike shop employees who won't exploit people who don't know any better, but I also know people like him are the bread and butter of any bike shop and most will try to sell him something every step of the way. I don't want to start a debate on the value of local bike shops and the convenience/cost trade-off that most people are happy to live with, but one of the main reasons I enjoy cycling is that most people's repair needs can be met very cheaply outside of the retail establishment. How do I convince someone who doesn't know any better that he doesn't need to spend so much money on very simple repairs?
If he doesn't want your help don't push. My only question is have you told him the bolded part? There are some who do not like to impose or to owe someone. If he does not understand that for you working on bikes is fun then it maight make a difference. Or it might not.
07-23-12, 04:57 PM
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07-23-12, 06:40 PM
#33
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Rebel has a point here, and you should review your own motives. If you have been brushed off more than once and are still pursuing it, the problem is yours. Move on before the guy sees you as the friend who won't stop nagging.
Besides, even if you do end up working on his bike, he still won't listen. He won't want to do timely maintenance because the parts cost too much, and besides; "it's not broken yet". Any suggestion for additional work becomes an argument. Soon you feel you're being "used" for free labor and free used parts. You become part of a strategy to keep it cheap or free. I know, I just extricated myself from this situation. Find someone who appreciates it to work with. bk
Besides, even if you do end up working on his bike, he still won't listen. He won't want to do timely maintenance because the parts cost too much, and besides; "it's not broken yet". Any suggestion for additional work becomes an argument. Soon you feel you're being "used" for free labor and free used parts. You become part of a strategy to keep it cheap or free. I know, I just extricated myself from this situation. Find someone who appreciates it to work with. bk
Last edited by bkaapcke; 07-23-12 at 07:33 PM.
07-24-12, 06:50 AM
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When offering advice on mechanics, its important to stay focused on the main issue, and not particularly on the economics of the deal. If I am constantly reminded of how things can be done cheaper, then that brings a whole different dynamics into the discussion. The listener/learner/newbie may not want to hear this.
Look how Sheldon Brown explains things.
Look how Sheldon Brown explains things.
07-27-12, 12:15 PM
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let him enjoy the sport at his own pace. just back off a little and he will likely occasionally ask your opinion. but if you hit him hard with all this stuff he is just going to avoid the subject with you. so things he's gotta learn the hard way
07-27-12, 01:08 PM
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This a$$hole of a friend probably thinks he can even do things that you don't approve of, like drinking and/or smoking and/or eating junk food. What a d!ck.
07-27-12, 01:39 PM
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Be ready to take off his hands componentry he tires of. You would be lucky to have the same top tube length as he does.
07-27-12, 04:27 PM
#38
Pedaled too far.
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Lead by example only. Share your love of bicycling. Don't try to tell him what to do. He'll ask when he's ready. I imagine he feels intimidated by you.
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