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My family is fretting about my riding and driving me a little crazy.

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My family is fretting about my riding and driving me a little crazy.

Old 09-21-13, 01:50 PM
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My family is fretting about my riding and driving me a little crazy.

I recently returned to cycling and am enjoying it immensely. Last week a 57 year old cyclist in a nearby city suffered serious head injuries after being hit by a car. The cyclist is about my age and while I do not know the man it is only a matter of time until my wife and in-laws bring it up in their frequent references about the hazards of cycling. I am the only one in the extended family who rides.

What is beginning to wear on me are their constant comments about how dangerous it is on the roads for cyclists, how I need to always wear a helmet (I do), how even it won’t save me if I go too fast and (incorrectly) that I should ride on the sidewalk. Even worse their fretting is starting to get into my head while riding and I risk becoming overly cautious.

Gentle explanations of my caution and that the odds of being in an accident are quite small compared to the undeniable physical benefits of cycling are to no avail. Concern for my well-being is one thing but this has gone beyond that.

Does anyone else face this situation? How do you handle it?
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Old 09-21-13, 02:11 PM
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You could point out how dangerous driving is, or smoking, or drinking, or motorcycle riding, or obesity, or being inactive, or ... I can't imagine anyone NOT doing something that others would consider harmful to their health. Tell them you're an adult and can make your own decisions. If they don't respect that, tell them you would be happy to suggest ways for them to improve their own lives.
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Old 09-21-13, 02:23 PM
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Sorry, partner, I don't have that problem...because I don't allow it in my house. But then, I'm not married, it's extended family under roof with me.

Find the info on the web that supports your position and refutes theirs. Quietly demand that they read it, explain ONCE that you have done your due diligence, that you DO ride safely, and that you will not stop living your life because of a certain level of risk. HELL, YOU CAN BE KILLED GOING OUT TO CHECK THE MAIL, CROSSING THE STREET, OR TAKING A DAMNED BATH! I know risk aversion is a 'wifey thing', but damn, man, reach down, grab 'em and stand up for yourself.

And if they don't STFU about it, do what jeffpoulin suggested: point out ways they could 'improve' THEIR lives.

(Oh, by the way, just for the record...I'm 54. So I'm there where you are on the timeline...........)
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Old 09-21-13, 03:49 PM
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How old are you? All that ceased for me when I moved out and starting earning my own way, a long long time ago.
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Old 09-21-13, 05:27 PM
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I pay attention to my wife's concerns but nobody else gets to continue to give me advice when they have already given it a few times. I always appreciate our parents thoughts but after the first discussion that's over.

Next time if they are ganging up on you just say "Hey, thanks. But I've heard it. I can have these discussions with my wife but I'm only married to one person. Thanks for the concern but I'm a big boy and I can deal with it." If they continue put a stop to it right then and there else you will have to deal with that the rest of your life on things they don't agree with.
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Old 09-21-13, 07:23 PM
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Heart disease is the leading cause of death. Tell them you're working on avoiding that.
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Old 09-21-13, 07:29 PM
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I had a riding buddy once who quit because his wife asked him to. You are in a tough spot. I think you need to tell them that their concerns have been heard and that you are being careful but this is your call. It's not right that they bring this up repeatedly.
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Old 09-21-13, 07:38 PM
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I point out that cycling increases your life expectancy all things considered, including the danger of accidents. Then I offer advice for setting them up with a bike and how to safely ride it, if they want to increase their odds of living longer. If anything is said beyond that I just laugh because everyone knows I go my own way regardless.
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Old 09-21-13, 08:12 PM
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My mom still calls and asks if I wear my helmet. I appreciate the thought, concern and love. I suggest you learn to do the same cause if they love you they won't stop worrying about you. Learning to tune out the anxious worrying and listen to the logical concerns.

Last edited by walrus1; 09-21-13 at 08:15 PM.
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Old 09-21-13, 09:24 PM
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Tell them you are going to take up sky diving, or my preference "shut the f... up"...
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Old 09-22-13, 06:13 AM
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I worry about it myself. I don't want to leave my family to fend for themselves.

I try to be safety conscious but not paranoid. I maintain my bikes, I avoid high traffic high speed roads, wear hi-vis apparel, don't ride on bright days near sunset, and obey within reason all traffic laws.

Still, if some meth'd out pothead texting while driving has my name on his bumper, I just pray my guardian angel is looking out for me.
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Old 09-22-13, 06:16 AM
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I'd like to add that as an older (67) rider, the alertness that I have developed biking carries over to driving a car and other activities
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Old 09-22-13, 07:02 AM
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Originally Posted by lenA
I'd like to add that as an older (67) rider, the alertness that I have developed biking carries over to driving a car and other activities
This. The other night I was being diven from a downtown fundraising thing with a much younger co-worker. While turning left, she nearly didn't see a pedestrian in a crosswalk that i had spotted immediately and pointed out. I think people who only ever drive cars sometimes have tunnel vision.
Getting back to the o.p., I find it interesting that his relatives include riding too fast as a risk. If you ride in traffic, the closer you are to the speed of the cars, the longer they have to notice your presence and react to it. It's the slow wobblers who are at most risk. And I've seen more near-misses between sidewalk riders and motorists than between road riders and motorists because they aren't expecting something the speed of a bicycle to be on a sidewalk.
Everyone has their own perception of risk, I suppose. My husband rode to work with me a few times in our old city, but was never comfortable with it and he worried about me riding through downtown rush hour. I worried about him riding alone out on rural highways on his days off and urged him to try to find people to ride with. My fear came true; he had a crash one day when he hit a loose chunk of asphalt and ended up with a concussion. Luckily, a passing motorist saw him come off and called 911. So far, I've never had an accident, in 28 years total of commuting by bike. So, maybe it's just luck of the draw, but I think if local motorists are accustomed to seeing lots of cyclists, they tend to know how to drive around them. And if you do have a crash, I think it's better to have one where there are lots of people around to notice and call for help.
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Old 09-22-13, 07:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Dudelsack
I worry about it myself. I don't want to leave my family to fend for themselves.

I try to be safety conscious but not paranoid. I maintain my bikes, I avoid high traffic high speed roads, wear hi-vis apparel, don't ride on bright days near sunset, and obey within reason all traffic laws.

Still, if some meth'd out pothead texting while driving has my name on his bumper, I just pray my guardian angel is looking out for me.
Me too.

Somebody just hit my neighbor's legally parked Buick hard enough to push it forward about 50 feet. I assume the woman who did it was paying more attention to her cellphone than she was to her driving. I've had enough close calls that I'm rethinking how much street and road riding I'm going to do anymore.
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Old 09-22-13, 07:22 AM
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Ask them to quote you statistics on how dangerous cycling really is... then walk away.

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Old 09-22-13, 07:30 AM
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My wife and close friends worry as well because I ride at nights often and with traffic mostly with parts that have bike paths but not always. I try very hard to be careful but I am a chance taker.

In all honesty...i do understand but I won't stop riding. I am a HS Racquetball and I ride 22 miles to practice and get home pretty late and I do ride on busy highways but they have enough space for bikes for the most part.

Manny
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Old 09-24-13, 10:00 AM
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I deal with it a bit, but usually ignore it or respond with, "I love you!" I think that's the message my wife is trying to send, the words just seem to come out as "Be careful! There's cars, and trucks out there!"

You can quote statistics, but statistics don't answer emotions like fear. I did my own cursory analysis a while back, and concluded the improvement of my health reduced my risk of dying from a heart attack by about six (6) times more than the risk of dying increased from traffic accident riding a bike. British Medical Journal published a study a year or two ago that concluded the benefits of cycling outweighed the risks by 20:1. Those are the statistics I like to quote, but I don't expect them to yank anyone wallowing in fear and depression out of it.

The best answer is that I like to ride my bicycle. It makes me happy. People who love you want you to be happy.
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Old 09-24-13, 10:27 AM
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Originally Posted by pdlamb
I deal with it a bit, but usually ignore it or respond with, "I love you!" I think that's the message my wife is trying to send, the words just seem to come out as "Be careful! There's cars, and trucks out there!"

You can quote statistics, but statistics don't answer emotions like fear. I did my own cursory analysis a while back, and concluded the improvement of my health reduced my risk of dying from a heart attack by about six (6) times more than the risk of dying increased from traffic accident riding a bike. British Medical Journal published a study a year or two ago that concluded the benefits of cycling outweighed the risks by 20:1. Those are the statistics I like to quote, but I don't expect them to yank anyone wallowing in fear and depression out of it.

The best answer is that I like to ride my bicycle. It makes me happy. People who love you want you to be happy.
You can point out that part of the "problem" is that it is big news when somebody gets hit by a car while on a bicycle. They never report when some random guy dies of a heart attack. It's the same kind of reporting bias that leads people to believe that riding in commercial airplanes is more dangerous than driving in a car.
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Old 09-24-13, 10:36 AM
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A hell of a lot more people in this country die from sitting on a couch rather than a bike saddle. That's a fact.
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Old 09-24-13, 10:49 AM
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As has been said, everyday life is dangerous. Bike fatalities are pretty low down on the list of things that will get you.
Here is a list of averages from the past 10 years (% per 100,000 population)
Type %
Cardiovascular diseases 29.34
Infectious and parasitic diseases 23.04
Ischemic heart disease 12.64
Malignant neoplasms (cancers) 12.49
Cerebrovascular disease (Stroke) 9.66
Respiratory infections 6.95
Lower respiratory tract infections 6.81
Respiratory diseases 6.49
Unintentional injuries 6.23
HIV/AIDS 4.87
Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease 4.82
Perinatal conditions 4.32
Digestive diseases 3.45
Diarrhea diseases 3.15
Intentional injuries (Suicide, Violence, War, etc.) 2.84
Tuberculosis 2.75
Malaria 2.23
Lung cancers 2.18
Pedalcyclist Fatalities 2.09
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Old 09-24-13, 11:39 AM
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My wife frets about my not eating enough and losing weight. I've lost about 15-20 pounds in 5 months of fairly hard riding (34 to 32 waist). I eat more now than I did before I re-started cycling, and I feel better than I've felt in 20 years (when I stopped cycling). I smile, I nod, I continue... I know she cares and I appreciate the concern, but I choose to do what I think is best for me. Life always involves weighing the risks with the rewards. The risks can be minimized (helmets, routes, bright colors, etc.), but they are always present.
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Old 09-24-13, 12:48 PM
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Ask them to scan the obituaries and tell you what % were killed riding their bikes.
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Old 09-24-13, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by walrus1
My mom still calls and asks if I wear my helmet. I appreciate the thought, concern and love. I suggest you learn to do the same cause if they love you they won't stop worrying about you. Learning to tune out the anxious worrying and listen to the logical concerns.
Reference gratuitous advice about helmet wear; learn to tune out the irrational and illogical advice too.
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Old 09-24-13, 01:29 PM
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This thread made me seek this out:

https://www.bicyclinginfo.org/facts/crash-facts.cfm
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Old 09-24-13, 01:41 PM
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Coming from a female perspective (& a wife at that ): she's basically telling you that she loves you & doesn't want anything bad to happen to you. I would invite her to do some gentle rides (at a park or somewhere where there's no or little traffic), so she can see the enjoyment of being out in nature with you, and experience the benefits of physical & mental health from exercise. Who knows... maybe you'll convert her into a cyclist as well.

I agree with the posters above who advocated focusing on the good health benefits you're experiencing from bicycling. I don't agree with those who are saying to come back to her in a harsh way... that will backfire on you. Reaffirm your love for her and wanting to be there in life with her and recommend doing some healthy, fun activities together --like bicycling

Just watching the news can make people fearful of just about anything, so don't let her or you get wrongly influenced by media hype (THIS is why we don't watch the news at all at our home. blech).
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