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  1. #1
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    The Ancient Age Thread

    A group of senior citizens were exchanging complaints about their ailments.

    "My arm is so weak that I can hardly hold this coffee cup."

    "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad that I can't see to pour my coffee."

    "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."

    "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."

    "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."

    "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we all can still drive."
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  2. #2
    Senior Member trackhub's Avatar
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    Old, but still very good.
    "The Universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on a government contract." Robert A. Heinlein

  3. #3
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    No pun intended, I'm sure...
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  4. #4
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, and 68?

    At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story.

    At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed.

    At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed.

    At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

    At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed.

    At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story.

    At 68 - If you take her to bed, that'll be the story!
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  5. #5
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital.

    The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample."

    The old man says,"What?"

    So the doctor says it again.

    Once again the old man says, "What?"

    So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!"

    With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  6. #6
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    Top 10 Old Folks' Party Games

    1. Sag, You're It.

    2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy.

    3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear.

    4. Kick the Bucket.

    5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over.

    6. Doc, Doc Goose.

    7. Simon Says Something Incoherent.

    8. Hide and Go Pee.

    9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta.

    10. Musical Recliners.
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  7. #7
    Senior Member trackhub's Avatar
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    Where are you getting these? These are great!
    "The Universe never did make sense; I suspect it was built on a government contract." Robert A. Heinlein

  8. #8
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    These have been around for a while.




    There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory.

    I forget what the other two are...
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  9. #9
    Hairy Little Member ahsposo's Avatar
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    An elderly man is out for a drive when he receives a call from his wife telling him, "Be very careful, dear. I just heard on the radio that there is some dangerous person driving the wrong way on the freeway."

    "Are you kidding me?" he replied, "There are hundreds of them!"
    You can further the brotherhood of man by eliminating class.
    You can lift the wage earner up by equalizing earnings.
    You can bring about prosperity by overturning the holders of power.
    You can strengthen the weak by eating the the strong.
    You can help the poor by destroying the rich.

  10. #10
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    Three old men are sitting in the park.

    The first one says, "It's windy today."
    The second one says, "No, today is Thursday."
    The third one says, "Me too. Let's go get a beer."

  11. #11
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    Three old men are in a nursing home.

    The first one says, "It sucks being old. I have lots of problems urinating. Sometimes I'll go all day without peeing. On the days I do pee, it often burns."

    The second one says, "I know what you mean. I haven't had a good bowel movement in 4 days!"

    The third one says, "Every morning, around 7 am, I piss like a race horse. Around 8 am, I have a nice healthy bowel movement."

    The 2nd guy says, "It sounds like you have it made. Don't you have any problems with getting old?"

    The 3rd guy says, "My problem is that I don't wake up until 9!"

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