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Living Car Free Do you live car free or car light? Do you prefer to use alternative transportation (bicycles, walking, other human-powered or public transportation) for everyday activities whenever possible? Discuss your lifestyle here.

I need a hug =(

Old 11-15-05, 08:47 AM
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I need a hug =(

Since starting a job in town and bike commuting, I've almost given up driving entirely. Groceries fit nicely into my bag or on my bike rack. My legs are bouncier. I've found great little shops on side streets I've never gone near in a car. I love being awake and alert (even before the requisite coffee) after my ride in to work. I haven't even had to gas up since mid-September. Despite the rain, tire-eating streetcar tracks, broken bike bits and homocidal cabbies, I loooove cycling, and I wish I'd gotten back into it sooner.

So why did it ruin my day when I ran into an old classmate from high school at the grocery store while locking up the foldy bike, and she asked "so, did you get caught DUI or just smash up your car?"

I guess I'm kind of a snob - I don't like having people look down on me... but why would a person on a bike create such contempt - and why would anyone believe that DUI or a lack of a car could be the only reason to bike?
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Old 11-15-05, 09:14 AM
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because people think cycling is only worthwhile on a sunny saturday morning racing down a trail.

you're not a snob, you know what makes you happy. and you're friend probably didn't mean anything totally rude, she was starting a conversation the only way she knew how, by being negative. i know people like this, overly concerned by looks, money, and what people think - and every convo ends up with talking about someone else in a bad way.

your health, happiness, and pocketbook are the only justification you need

p.s. i worked p/t at a gas station near my house a few years ago to save up some extra travel money. every person from my regular job who came in and saw me there was immediatly concerned for my financial well being - or joke about how much our company pays that i would need a p/t job.

people don't understand the true simple life, but that's ok... post anytime

i can't remember how often i explained "this is interesting, and i'm making extra money", or if i just said "hangin in there"
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Old 11-15-05, 09:26 AM
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(((((((((((((hug)))))))))))

dont worry, in a few years after obesity or weight induced health problems set in you can ask these people "what happened to you, you used to look great?"
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Old 11-15-05, 09:50 AM
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Sometimes you have to realize your own motives by admitting other people's ignorance. *hugs*
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Old 11-15-05, 09:57 AM
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LOL...hey stegosaupus, in my experience the only folks who ever think of stuff like DUI's and such are the folks for whom they have become a matter of routine. That said, comments like the one you mention end up saying a lot more about the person making them than they ever do about you.

In truth, most people wouldn't even think about that when they see someone riding a bike. The feedback that I typically get is that their first thought upon seeing me is that it sure looks like I am having fun!
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Old 11-15-05, 10:21 AM
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*hug*

At first it feels like that... But when you do something different for a while, you learn things that the common masses don't know. They will look down at you out of ignorance, but after a while it's easy to weather those looks, with all that knowledge that you've acquired.

When you ride past a traffic jam, make sure you got a smirk on your face.
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Old 11-15-05, 10:37 AM
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Originally Posted by stegosaupus
...So why did it ruin my day when I ran into an old classmate from high school at the grocery store while locking up the foldy bike, and she asked "so, did you get caught DUI or just smash up your car?"

I guess I'm kind of a snob - I don't like having people look down on me... but why would a person on a bike create such contempt - and why would anyone believe that DUI or a lack of a car could be the only reason to bike?
hey stegosaupus,
i can relate to your situation a little...
first of all i think a fair amount depends on where you live.
i encountered this type of thing ALL the time when i was in Texas - at first as a student it was true that i was poor - but after i had a "real" job people always asked my how long my car was in the shop and if i needed financial help, etc. etc... in Texas (ok, outside Austin) it is just inconceivable for most people that someone who CAN afford a car and is not legally restricted from doing so (i.e. DUI) would choose not to...
although I think Toronto should be much better in this regard (Portland was great as is Germany for the most part outside of the BMW/Mercedes snobs)

anyhow, basically you just deal with it - i.e. you have to enjoy cycling enough and be self-confident enough to not need to boost your self-esteem by impressing others with what a cool car you drive (sounds really bogus when i write it, but honestly for 95% of North Americans their car is really a TRUE symbol of status)

IF it really bothers you, you can do some things to help decrease the "negative/poor" image if you want: like riding an expensive bike or wearing flashy "cycling clothes" or racing or whatever -- i say this because i do those things b/c i like to race (track, road and mountain) and am a mountain bike guide so i have some expensvie stuff - and most of the time if it's evident to people that it's an "expensive" hobby then most people see that you must be "rich" to afford to spend lots of time doing something "worthless" that costs a lot of money (i.e. golf or sailing or horsebackriding or motorcycling or downhill mountain bike racing or whatever)... i have to admit that i used to use my "racing" justification (i.e. training for racing) to people at my office job in Texas all the time just so they would leave me alone and stop asking if i needed money or whatever b/c they couldn't understand why i was always on a bicycle instead of in a car...

so anyway, the point is, if it bothers you, you could spend a modest amount of money and kind of "spruce-up" your bike and attire or maybe even take up racing (not a bad idea in that racing is actually fun!) to make it look like an expensive hobby... or you can just deal with it and ride and enjoy cycling for what it is.
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Old 11-15-05, 11:20 AM
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stego:

keep at it! I used to drive 10-16,00 miles every year, but in the past few since I've discovered (or re-discovered) the freedom of the bicycle, I've averaged between 2-5,000 , and could easily trim that back even more, since april I've driven 2100 miles. Obviously, I'm car-lite at the moment but wouldn't mind if the car dissappeared.....I'm sure I make absolutely no sense at all to my suburban neighbors, but don't really care what they think..... keep up the cycling!!
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Old 11-15-05, 11:27 AM
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Flip that snob thing over and enjoy it: you're one of the healthy, happy elite; your friend is a cagebound spoon-fed consumer prole. The question isn't "why do you cycle?" but "why do they drive? too fat or lazy to bike?"
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Old 11-15-05, 11:32 AM
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Originally Posted by rule
LOL...hey stegosaupus, in my experience the only folks who ever think of stuff like DUI's and such are the folks for whom they have become a matter of routine. That said, comments like the one you mention end up saying a lot more about the person making them than they ever do about you.
in most cases you are very right; the people who are quick to judge or look down on you for such things probably have other reasons for thinking so which generally, but not always, make them less intersting to me personally --- that said it can still be frustrating if 99% of everyone else finds what you do strange... but i have learned to get used to it - in addition to utility cycling and being car-lite my main hobby entails crazy long, arduous mountain bike tours with massive elevation up/down over difficult terrain and love it
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Old 11-15-05, 11:51 AM
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Look, high-school classmates are SUPPOSED to make you feel inferior. That's the whole point of the high-school experience. Most of us get over that attitude and go on to become decent people; some, like the woman you ran into, find that HS was the high point of their lives. Believe me: her attitude and her mindset hurt her much more than she can ever hurt you; next time, just smile, say "No, not at all; I just decided my health and happiness were more important than other people's opinions. Great to see you, hope you feel better soon!" and walk away.
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Old 11-15-05, 12:08 PM
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In this particular case, running into someone you haven't seen for a while, that question is so illogical that you shouldn't give it a moment's thought. That person knows nothing about your situation. You might live right around the corner from the grocery store, you might rent a garage a short distance away, it might be actually farther to walk to your car, drive it two blocks to the store, load it up, drive two blocks to the garage, unload the groceries, and carry them two blocks to your home which is one block from the store.

Of course that's not your situation, but that's not the point. There could be half a dozen reasons why you are at the grocery store on a bike and you still might own two automobiles. I would just laugh off that one. "Your car smashed up?" "Haha. No. So what have you been up to all these years?"
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Old 11-15-05, 12:39 PM
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Hug!

Unfortunately there is no cure for stupidity.
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Old 11-15-05, 12:41 PM
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Thanks for the hugs. I'm staying on my bike because I love it (I'm already gearing up for winter riding, hehe), but I think it was just a shock of cognitive dissonance from how I felt about riding to how other people would perceive it. I'm twelve years out of high school, with great friends and a good career, and it was enough to smush me back into feeling like a weirdo highschool loser. I'm happy letting my bike be comfy and functional instead of bling-blingy (if anything, I'd be more likely to turn it into an art-bike for my own delight than to get status-enhancing gear and upgrades), but... I got kicked in my self-image, and it hurt.
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Old 11-15-05, 02:23 PM
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If you work blue-collar, its just smart self-defense. If you say you have a DUI or Bad Divorce Settlement, your co-workers will shake your hand and pat you on the back. If you say you cycle for Ecology, fun, or fitness, you will get a much different reaction. Been using this ruse for years.

Last edited by Fredmertz51; 11-15-05 at 03:11 PM.
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Old 11-15-05, 02:27 PM
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Originally Posted by stegosaupus
and it was enough to smush me back into feeling like a weirdo highschool loser.
That might not be terribly abnormal. It's interesting what subtle "damage" can happen to us over the years. Once, long ago, when I was thirty-something, I was sitting on a curb by a grocery store eating a cooke I had just purchased, when three kids, female, probably under ten years old, and probably from a bad home life, stopped and started heaping assorted verbal abuse on me. Almost instantly I felt bad. I was thirty, they were ten, they had never seen me before, they were so poorly raised that they could walk up to a total stranger and start insulting him, and I felt bad. Where did that come from. I sat there for a while and let them do it, and marveled at how they could pull a trigger like that.

At some point you know intellectually that you shouldn't care, but then when you pass age fifty, you really don't care.
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Old 11-15-05, 03:29 PM
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Last January on a frigid night I pulled up to an intersection with my bicycle loaded down with groceries. I was in a bulky down jacket with a balaclava. I heard the power locks on the nearby SUV go **THWUNK!!**

I smiled big because I knew I had arrived!

Don't let it get to you. Try as we might, the image of success = NICE BIG CAR has been pummelled into us from an early age in all the visual media. Do what you are doing. It is the right thing!

***HUG***

Woo
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Old 11-15-05, 03:48 PM
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stegosaupus,

Hang in there! I know how hard it is to get a negitive response to your bike riding ways. I still feel like a high school loser sometimes.

The problem lies with our Western Capitalist System-- we are all judged by the things we buy, starting with cars. Step out of the system and it makes people question you. Why don't you have a car? Why don't have a big house? Or even the right clothes?

But now that you're riding your bike-- the world looks different to you. Your friends and family may not see it the same way, being stuck in the old buy-your-way-to-happiness rat wheel life. It's natural to question your own choices, even when you're pretty darn sure you're right.

p.s.-- on the whole Western Capitalist System thing-- I kind of like it myself. As long as you got the system working for you, like saving $$$ by commuting by bike to go on vacation, it's a good system. If you let the system control you, like getting $100,000 in credit card debit to impress folks you really don't like-- Capitalism kinda sucks...
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Old 11-15-05, 05:21 PM
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Originally Posted by stegosaupus
Thanks for the hugs. I'm staying on my bike because I love it (I'm already gearing up for winter riding, hehe), but I think it was just a shock of cognitive dissonance from how I felt about riding to how other people would perceive it. I'm twelve years out of high school, with great friends and a good career, and it was enough to smush me back into feeling like a weirdo highschool loser. I'm happy letting my bike be comfy and functional instead of bling-blingy (if anything, I'd be more likely to turn it into an art-bike for my own delight than to get status-enhancing gear and upgrades), but... I got kicked in my self-image, and it hurt.

I know exactly how you feel, I just turned 30 a few months after getting rid of my car. I also moved out of my hometown within the last year. Every once and a while I ride back to see my friends and parents, and I will meet someone from school or wherever. I proudly saw I am car free, and I get this look of horror like I just kicked a dog. I truly believe some people are completely ignorant that it is possible to be happy without a huge SUV, a big house in the suburbs, 2.5 kids, and on and on and on. I also think there are people who are starting to question do I really need all this stuff? When they see someone they know, and we do not play the silly status game, the become afraid. You are the person they want to be, but they are afraid of what someone else will think, so they lash out with insults. It took me awhile, but now the people that pick on me no longer make me angry, I feel sorry for them.
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Old 11-15-05, 07:13 PM
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Originally Posted by stegosaupus
Thanks for the hugs. I'm staying on my bike because I love it (I'm already gearing up for winter riding, hehe), but I think it was just a shock of cognitive dissonance from how I felt about riding to how other people would perceive it. I'm twelve years out of high school, with great friends and a good career, and it was enough to smush me back into feeling like a weirdo highschool loser. I'm happy letting my bike be comfy and functional instead of bling-blingy (if anything, I'd be more likely to turn it into an art-bike for my own delight than to get status-enhancing gear and upgrades), but... I got kicked in my self-image, and it hurt.
do the art bike! it'll be an in-your-face sort of passive retaliation--"yes! i ride a bike! it's colorful and fun and i'm proud of it! look at it! it's great! boring drivers!" etc...
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Old 11-15-05, 07:14 PM
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hugs.
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Old 11-15-05, 07:25 PM
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Big Hug.

I get this sometimes. I laugh and tell them I bike because I'm not crippled yet.
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Old 11-15-05, 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by stegosaupus
I ran into an old classmate from high school
I notice you didn't call her a friend - probably for good reason. Don't worry about it. I'd come up with some crazy excuse for you losing your driver's license, just to shut them up. Try this from Me, Myself and Irene:

You: They took my license away because I'm on medication. I have to take a pill every six hours or I feel... funny.

Cager: What are the pills for?

You: Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage. No big deal.
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Old 11-15-05, 11:48 PM
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Originally Posted by budster
Big Hug.

I get this sometimes. I laugh and tell them I bike because I'm not crippled yet.
hey, that's a good one. no one ever asks (possibly because i do have a pretty nice bike i've been riding lately...i should drag out the schwinn beater before i "fix" it), but if anyone does, that's what i'll be saying.
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Old 11-16-05, 01:02 AM
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Originally Posted by stegosaupus
Since starting a job in town and bike commuting, I've almost given up driving entirely. Groceries fit nicely into my bag or on my bike rack. My legs are bouncier. I've found great little shops on side streets I've never gone near in a car. I love being awake and alert (even before the requisite coffee) after my ride in to work. I haven't even had to gas up since mid-September. Despite the rain, tire-eating streetcar tracks, broken bike bits and homocidal cabbies, I loooove cycling, and I wish I'd gotten back into it sooner.

So why did it ruin my day when I ran into an old classmate from high school at the grocery store while locking up the foldy bike, and she asked "so, did you get caught DUI or just smash up your car?"

I guess I'm kind of a snob - I don't like having people look down on me... but why would a person on a bike create such contempt - and why would anyone believe that DUI or a lack of a car could be the only reason to bike?
Out there; maybe a social outcast, in here your a rock star- a girl who rides a bike. The biggest secret of the bike forums is the complete adoration of male bikers for a healthy non-materialistic female who rides. The fact you deal with traffic, weather, and traffic, takes you beyond the SUV-to-the-club-ride and into the factual/functional female. There are 100+ men in the "Road" forum w/ a combined bodyfat less than an avocado who will pause when they read of you. A smiling, naturally blushing face on a bike is intoxicating..
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