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  1. #1
    bragi bragi's Avatar
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    Last edited by bragi; 02-23-08 at 01:36 AM.
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

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    Yes. It's hard to find a woman that stupid.

    Thanks for asking!

  3. #3
    put our Heads Together cerewa's Avatar
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    I assure you, marriage and being car-free were never thought to be in conflict with each other before 100 years ago.
    Some awesome folks who are working to give Haitians the ability to manage their safety and their lives:
    Haiti Partners

  4. #4
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Well, it depends on whether she wants to be car free. Otherwise the best you can do is car lite as a couple. But that's not bad either.

    When I was married she got a nicer car because we didn't have to support two cars, and I got to use it when necessary.

    And at one point she was pressuring me to get a car as well because she was concerned about various imagined dangers that I faced. I had her do the math and she discovered that if I bought a car our budget would go from in the black to in the red.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  5. #5
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    Marriage can be at odds with a lot of things. It just depends on the marriage.

  6. #6
    bragi bragi's Avatar
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    I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

  7. #7
    One speed: FAST ! fordfasterr's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bragi View Post
    I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.

    Thats basically exactly the same issue with my wife and I.

    Carry on.
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  8. #8
    Dare to be weird!
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    Quote Originally Posted by bragi View Post
    ...I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.
    I'm in a similar situation. Compromise and a practical attitude about the whole carfree thing works for me and my partner.

  9. #9
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Marriage is a compromise of course. She's stated her position and knows yours. And it sounds like you have achieved the median value there. So relax. Take a bike ride and faggedaboutit. Even as it is, you use cars less and burn less gas and money on cars than the average. You're at the optimum even if you don't know it.
    Last edited by Artkansas; 02-23-08 at 07:50 PM.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  10. #10
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    My husband and I are on the same page as far as car free goes. But like any relationship, there is compromise. Sometimes we just have to go with the solution that is 'good enough' for both of us rather one person's ideal.

  11. #11
    In the right lane gerv's Avatar
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    Marriage does really mirror your situation in a society. For example, I would probably become both car-free and vegetarian if left to my own devices. However, my wife (like a lot of other individuals in my society...) eats meat and I would like to share meals with her. Therefore, my decision is to prepare as many vegetarians meals as I can without getting dogmatic about it. Likewise, I don't insist on living in a carfree household. What I do instead is use my bicycle for the transportation that makes sense and try to avoid labels like "carfree" and "vegetarian" when discussing either meals or transportation options with my wife. I think that we both will eventually move in the direction of "carfree" and "vegetarian" as our society evolves. I believe my grandchildren will adopt both exclusively. I am merely setting the stage for them.

  12. #12
    ... thelung's Avatar
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    Depends who you marry. And if you want a different lifestyle than your partner maybe you shouldnt marry them.

  13. #13
    CRIKEY!!!!!!! Cyclaholic's Avatar
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    Ah, now I get it. You left out "My" from the beginning of the thread title.

    Quote Originally Posted by bragi View Post
    I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.

    Would she just give in and ride if you said to her "I said we're riding and quit bugging me about it, you enviro-nazi"?

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by bragi View Post
    I brought up the subject of going totally car-free a couple of times, and every time, the debates were brief and to the point ("I said no and quit bugging me about it, ecofreak.") She's totally fine with me being car-free, the only problem is, with her tendency to prefer having the car, I'm not really car-free any more, either. When we go places together, which, being a couple, is fairly frequently, we almost always go by car. In principle, she agrees that we should use bikes for shorter trips (she has two bikes of her own), but in practice, it's too late, too cold, too rainy, too far, we're wearing nicer clothes (or rather, she's wearing nicer clothes), etc. I don't want to be a dogmatic jerk about it, so I tend to give in on this issue, but it does sort of irritate me; I'm not fond of cars or their effects on our quality of life, think they're mostly unnecessary in an urban area, and would like to have the gas money for other things. I'm just wondering how other people manage this issue.
    Basically my experience also. Except my wife always points out my beer drinking when I mention saving money on gas and insurance. The hard part is keeping myself from forming the habit of using the car for my solo trips, particularly errands I don't really want to do. On the plus side she takes the bus to work and I bike, so the car does only get driven for errands and doctors appointments.

    I've pointed out to her that in our lifetimes gasoline will probably become prohibitvely expensive (I think it already is, but..); she says, "I don't want to worry about it". Absolutely frightening.

  15. #15
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by thelung View Post
    if you want a different lifestyle than your partner maybe you shouldnt marry them.
    Easier said than done.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  16. #16
    bragi bragi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclaholic View Post
    Ah, now I get it. You left out "My" from the beginning of the thread title.




    Would she just give in and ride if you said to her "I said we're riding and quit bugging me about it, you enviro-nazi"?
    No, I don't think she would. Nor will she iron my shirt and bring me beers while I lounge on the couch, watching football games in my boxers.
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bragi View Post
    ,,
    Marriage is not at odds with being car free if your living in China or Africa. I find the more educated and higher earning the female, the less likely she is willing to be car free or even marry someone who is.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dahon.Steve View Post
    Marriage is not at odds with being car free if your living in China or Africa. I find the more educated and higher earning the female, the less likely she is willing to be car free or even marry someone who is.
    Really? I live in a city that has an unusually high number of people with college and higher degrees. Car free and car-lite are both more popular than when I lived in places with a more typical spectrum of educational backgrounds.

    Car free women are most definitely out there.

    http://americancity.org/article.php?id_article=217

  19. #19
    Senior Member Trucker_JDub's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artkansas View Post
    Easier said than done.
    Actually its very easy. If you think to your self 'this person doesn't hold the same level of importance to the things that are important in my life and they may never understand why I am the way I am' then you move on and find someone else. Never settle for anything less then what you want. There is nothing wrong with being single if you can't find the right person for you. If you settle you will never be truly happy.

  20. #20
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trucker_JDub View Post
    Actually its very easy. If you think to your self 'this person doesn't hold the same level of importance to the things that are important in my life and they may never understand why I am the way I am' then you move on and find someone else. Never settle for anything less then what you want. There is nothing wrong with being single if you can't find the right person for you. If you settle you will never be truly happy.

    But what if you meet that wonderful person who pushes all your buttons right, but they just don't happen to be car free. You may be giving up an awful lot for that one point. No matter how you choose, in some ways you will settle.

    It's the old story about looking for the perfect woman and you find her, but she rejects you because she is looking for the perfect man. No one is perfect, or perfect for you. Coupling at its very essence is about compromise. Compromise is settling.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  21. #21
    Senior Member Newspaperguy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artkansas View Post
    But what if you meet that wonderful person who pushes all your buttons right, but they just don't happen to be car free. You may be giving up an awful lot for that one point. No matter how you choose, in some ways you will settle.
    Brilliant.

    As I continue to search for a partner, there are only a few things that are deal-breakers for me. These have to do with core values and character. They also would quickly get in the way of a happy relationship for both of us.
    Life is good.

  22. #22
    Sophomoric Member Roody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Artkansas View Post
    But what if you meet that wonderful person who pushes all your buttons right, but they just don't happen to be car free. You may be giving up an awful lot for that one point. No matter how you choose, in some ways you will settle.

    It's the old story about looking for the perfect woman and you find her, but she rejects you because she is looking for the perfect man. No one is perfect, or perfect for you. Coupling at its very essence is about compromise. Compromise is settling
    .
    Yeah... I'm pretty hardcore but I wouldn't let a car stand between me and somebody I love.


    "Think Outside the Cage"

  23. #23
    Senior Member acroy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Roody View Post
    Yeah... I'm pretty hardcore but I wouldn't let a car stand between me and somebody I love.
    Yep - we all have our price
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  24. #24
    gwd
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    I'm hoping to marry a currently car dependent suburbanite. We haven't talked about the car free thing as an issue. My plan is to just do together what I did with my own life, make decisions in the car free and simple life direction and see where we end up. Since she grew up car free, it isn't so weird to her as it might be to someone who grew up car dependent.

  25. #25
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gwd View Post
    I'm hoping to marry a currently car dependent suburbanite. We haven't talked about the car free thing as an issue. My plan is to just do together what I did with my own life, make decisions in the car free and simple life direction and see where we end up. Since she grew up car free, it isn't so weird to her as it might be to someone who grew up car dependent.
    Congratulations and all the best.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

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