Dealing with criticism
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Dealing with criticism
Did you have criticism when you decided to get rid of your car? If so, how did you respond to it?
We have 2 cars. A minivan for the wife and a truck for me. I've been traveling pretty much everywhere by bike for almost a year now. I drive my truck about once a month to keep everything from seizing up, but it's still going to need brakes from lack of daily use due to really bad rust. So I figured if I made it through the winter I was safe to get rid of it.
I got the normal questions like:
"What if the van breaks down and you need a vehicle?" I responded that we can't take my truck anywhere as a family anyway so we would be renting a vehicle regardless of the situation.
"Everyone I know that gets ride of their truck regrets it, are you sure you want to do it?" I respond that I was going to get ride of it and have my wife's van second hand anyway so we weren't going to have a truck. By only having one vehicle I have room to store a utility trailer for those times when I need to haul something.
When the roads are bad my mom emails and asks me to take my truck (she always has to has something to worry about). She just thinks it's too dangerous to be on a bike. I just ignore those.
I know the obvious advantages such as insurance savings and maintenance costs, as well as the fact I'm happier riding my bike most days. I also enjoy being a bit odd.
I thought I had my wife's support until this morning when she was saying she wasn't sure if it was a good idea and maybe she should try to learn how to drive a manual transmission again so she could use my truck in the event of a problem with her van. I'm thinking with how rarely you have problems with a vehicle that's only 3 years old, we can take the chance and save the insurance money in case we need to rent something. I pay about $600 a year. If we have to rent a car that often, we'll buy a new van.
So I'm just not sure how to do something when it seems that everyone around me seems to think it's a bad idea. Suggestions?
We have 2 cars. A minivan for the wife and a truck for me. I've been traveling pretty much everywhere by bike for almost a year now. I drive my truck about once a month to keep everything from seizing up, but it's still going to need brakes from lack of daily use due to really bad rust. So I figured if I made it through the winter I was safe to get rid of it.
I got the normal questions like:
"What if the van breaks down and you need a vehicle?" I responded that we can't take my truck anywhere as a family anyway so we would be renting a vehicle regardless of the situation.
"Everyone I know that gets ride of their truck regrets it, are you sure you want to do it?" I respond that I was going to get ride of it and have my wife's van second hand anyway so we weren't going to have a truck. By only having one vehicle I have room to store a utility trailer for those times when I need to haul something.
When the roads are bad my mom emails and asks me to take my truck (she always has to has something to worry about). She just thinks it's too dangerous to be on a bike. I just ignore those.
I know the obvious advantages such as insurance savings and maintenance costs, as well as the fact I'm happier riding my bike most days. I also enjoy being a bit odd.
I thought I had my wife's support until this morning when she was saying she wasn't sure if it was a good idea and maybe she should try to learn how to drive a manual transmission again so she could use my truck in the event of a problem with her van. I'm thinking with how rarely you have problems with a vehicle that's only 3 years old, we can take the chance and save the insurance money in case we need to rent something. I pay about $600 a year. If we have to rent a car that often, we'll buy a new van.
So I'm just not sure how to do something when it seems that everyone around me seems to think it's a bad idea. Suggestions?
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My suggestion is to just tell people that you & your wife will be a one-car family for a while. That's still socially acceptable (I think). Get a AAA membership to handle mechanical breakdowns that your wife may experience, and make sure that both of you have phone numbers for taxis to call in case of emergencies. If necessary, point out that if you need to buy another car, it's no big deal and you can get wheels again in no more than day or two. That should give you enough cover to do what you want.
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But two things happened to get her full support.
1) She saw me riding home one day while she was driving home and realized that I rode safely.
2) I had her "do the math" on getting another car and she realized that it would have put us in the red each month.
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I had similar concerns when I got rid of my car (my wife still has hers, although she is driving it less and less). I saw a few places where having a car would be needed, and those come up a few times per year. When I need a car, for something (work related trip, family visiting etc), I rent one. Overall rental costs are far less than the expense of maintaining a car. The other area where I used my car was to haul big stuff home from Home Depot - and they offer a truck that you can rent by the hour - ends up costing me less than $20 per trip.
Bottom line - I can't see replacing my car, don't miss it a bit. And getting rid of it gives me great justification to buy more bike stuff.....
Bottom line - I can't see replacing my car, don't miss it a bit. And getting rid of it gives me great justification to buy more bike stuff.....
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I like Platy's point that you can pick up another car/truck/whatever at the drop of a hat should a real need arise. (With all the money you'll save, you could buy one with cash.)
The thing to keep in mind is that people who object are having an emotional reaction, not a logical one. So logical answers will not be satisfying for them.
Your wife may be saying it's not a good idea because of this or that, but what she's really feeling is loss of face. In other words, what will the neighbors/our friends/our family think. You can't win that argument with facts or logic.
See, it doesn't matter right now that you bike to work and for errands, because it appears to everyone that it's a choice. Sure you could take the car, but you choose to ride the bike instead. Hooray for you! After dropping the car, then it looks like you *have* to ride a bike because "the poor guy doesn't have a car". Prestige is the issue.
You *might* get to a draw with responses that address prestige matters--how much more money you'll have, how much healthier you'll be, or how much better you'll look after dropping those extra pounds.
My situation was a little different when I went car-free, but friends and my parents were horrified at the idea. They came up with every excuse imaginable as to why I was being stupid to ditch my car. What finally worked for me with my people was happiness.
I explained that I'd already done car-lite and could easily go car-free. It made sense for me (not *to* me, *for* me) because of how frustrating driving had become for me and how angry it made me. Finally, I explained that without the expense, I could work less and enjoy life more.
"After all, you'd rather see me happy, right?" That was the stop, right there. What were they going to say? "No, I'd rather see you miserable and suffering."
You win these things on emotion, not logic or facts.
The thing to keep in mind is that people who object are having an emotional reaction, not a logical one. So logical answers will not be satisfying for them.
Your wife may be saying it's not a good idea because of this or that, but what she's really feeling is loss of face. In other words, what will the neighbors/our friends/our family think. You can't win that argument with facts or logic.
See, it doesn't matter right now that you bike to work and for errands, because it appears to everyone that it's a choice. Sure you could take the car, but you choose to ride the bike instead. Hooray for you! After dropping the car, then it looks like you *have* to ride a bike because "the poor guy doesn't have a car". Prestige is the issue.
You *might* get to a draw with responses that address prestige matters--how much more money you'll have, how much healthier you'll be, or how much better you'll look after dropping those extra pounds.
My situation was a little different when I went car-free, but friends and my parents were horrified at the idea. They came up with every excuse imaginable as to why I was being stupid to ditch my car. What finally worked for me with my people was happiness.
I explained that I'd already done car-lite and could easily go car-free. It made sense for me (not *to* me, *for* me) because of how frustrating driving had become for me and how angry it made me. Finally, I explained that without the expense, I could work less and enjoy life more.
"After all, you'd rather see me happy, right?" That was the stop, right there. What were they going to say? "No, I'd rather see you miserable and suffering."
You win these things on emotion, not logic or facts.
Last edited by tsl; 01-28-10 at 06:47 PM.
#6
In the right lane
You should definitely figure out some alternate means of transportation. That should keep them happy.
Do some research on:
1. public transportation
2. car rentals
3. taxis
Get telephone numbers. Phone them up and determine costs. Estimate the cost-per-year vs. cost of maintaining your truck.
Then go for a ride on you bicycle.
Do some research on:
1. public transportation
2. car rentals
3. taxis
Get telephone numbers. Phone them up and determine costs. Estimate the cost-per-year vs. cost of maintaining your truck.
Then go for a ride on you bicycle.
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When I junked my last car, and got on the bike full-time (was already pretty much there, anyway -- the entire month before it quit, I drove it ONCE!), there wasn't a lot of talk about it. Took a few months....
My sister and her husband 'hinted' that sooner or later, I was gonna hafta break down and buy a car; did this a few times. My answer was standard -- "Don't want one, can't afford it, anyway." They FINALLY shut up about it.
They still think it's a phase, that I'm in a second childhood or something, playing with an expensive toy -- and that they can bring me back to reality.
I have a reality for them -- I'll get off the bike when I'm no longer able to ride it!
(BTW -- been 5-1/2 years now)
My sister and her husband 'hinted' that sooner or later, I was gonna hafta break down and buy a car; did this a few times. My answer was standard -- "Don't want one, can't afford it, anyway." They FINALLY shut up about it.
They still think it's a phase, that I'm in a second childhood or something, playing with an expensive toy -- and that they can bring me back to reality.
I have a reality for them -- I'll get off the bike when I'm no longer able to ride it!
(BTW -- been 5-1/2 years now)
#8
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Exactly the same way you would have done it if it seemed like a great idea to everyone. Why do you feel the need to justify your decisions to anyone except for your life partner? Are you in charge of your own life or do you have to get a stamp of approval for all your plans from semi-random half-strangers first?
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For me it was a little different because I never actually learned to drive, which, growing up in the suburbs, was probably more of an accomplishment than managing to get a license. But like I said, it basically took a couple of years of me, my bike and my trailer doing everything on my own to stop people from making comments like that. The Christmas I rode the tree 15km back to my house is what finally quieted people down for good.
Although, after the better part of eight years of that I got burnt out by the whole thing and moved to Amsterdam, so maybe I'm not the best test case.
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No Criticism For A Long Time Now
I haven't had any criticism in a long while. When I tell people I don't own a car most of them don't really care. Some say something like "well that saves a lot of money". Maybe my area has more understanding people or they just think it is more normal to save as much money as possible by riding a bicycle.
Recently I told somebody that when the temperatures are lower than 20 degrees I use a lot of chemical hand and feet warmers. I explained that buying a bunch of them each day was much cheaper than calling a cab or renting a car. They do cost three times more per day than the amount of gasoline I would have used in my last car. The savings comes from not buying a car and not really needing to use those chemical heaters more than two months out of the year.
I put one in each shoe and two in each mitten. The second one goes into the thumb because it is separate from the other section.
Last week I needed a cab to take my dog to the veterinarian. It cost about $26 for the round trip. Using chemical heaters costs about seven dollars per day. If I remove them from my gloves and shoes when I'm done using them I can conserve them. I just put them in an air tight thermos container. The heaters use up the oxygen and then stop reacting. When I pull them out they get more oxygen and begin generating heat.
If you have relatives that tell you not to ride in the cold, you can tell them about how using chemical heat packets keeps you warm throughout the winter months.
Recently I told somebody that when the temperatures are lower than 20 degrees I use a lot of chemical hand and feet warmers. I explained that buying a bunch of them each day was much cheaper than calling a cab or renting a car. They do cost three times more per day than the amount of gasoline I would have used in my last car. The savings comes from not buying a car and not really needing to use those chemical heaters more than two months out of the year.
I put one in each shoe and two in each mitten. The second one goes into the thumb because it is separate from the other section.
Last week I needed a cab to take my dog to the veterinarian. It cost about $26 for the round trip. Using chemical heaters costs about seven dollars per day. If I remove them from my gloves and shoes when I'm done using them I can conserve them. I just put them in an air tight thermos container. The heaters use up the oxygen and then stop reacting. When I pull them out they get more oxygen and begin generating heat.
If you have relatives that tell you not to ride in the cold, you can tell them about how using chemical heat packets keeps you warm throughout the winter months.
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I haven't had any criticism in a long while. When I tell people I don't own a car most of them don't really care. Some say something like "well that saves a lot of money". Maybe my area has more understanding people or they just think it is more normal to save as much money as possible by riding a bicycle.
Recently I told somebody that when the temperatures are lower than 20 degrees I use a lot of chemical hand and feet warmers. I explained that buying a bunch of them each day was much cheaper than calling a cab or renting a car. They do cost three times more per day than the amount of gasoline I would have used in my last car. The savings comes from not buying a car and not really needing to use those chemical heaters more than two months out of the year.
I put one in each shoe and two in each mitten. The second one goes into the thumb because it is separate from the other section.
Last week I needed a cab to take my dog to the veterinarian. It cost about $26 for the round trip. Using chemical heaters costs about seven dollars per day. If I remove them from my gloves and shoes when I'm done using them I can conserve them. I just put them in an air tight thermos container. The heaters use up the oxygen and then stop reacting. When I pull them out they get more oxygen and begin generating heat.
If you have relatives that tell you not to ride in the cold, you can tell them about how using chemical heat packets keeps you warm throughout the winter months.
Recently I told somebody that when the temperatures are lower than 20 degrees I use a lot of chemical hand and feet warmers. I explained that buying a bunch of them each day was much cheaper than calling a cab or renting a car. They do cost three times more per day than the amount of gasoline I would have used in my last car. The savings comes from not buying a car and not really needing to use those chemical heaters more than two months out of the year.
I put one in each shoe and two in each mitten. The second one goes into the thumb because it is separate from the other section.
Last week I needed a cab to take my dog to the veterinarian. It cost about $26 for the round trip. Using chemical heaters costs about seven dollars per day. If I remove them from my gloves and shoes when I'm done using them I can conserve them. I just put them in an air tight thermos container. The heaters use up the oxygen and then stop reacting. When I pull them out they get more oxygen and begin generating heat.
If you have relatives that tell you not to ride in the cold, you can tell them about how using chemical heat packets keeps you warm throughout the winter months.
Aaron
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#12
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That's a startlingly high cost.
Have you tried reusable chemical warmers?
Or battery powered ones?
To Chandltp: It sounds like you've thought this through and weighed the costs. Well done.
You may never convince them all. Most of society is brainwashed into thinking that driving is the most responsible way to get around.
Have you tried reusable chemical warmers?
Or battery powered ones?
To Chandltp: It sounds like you've thought this through and weighed the costs. Well done.
You may never convince them all. Most of society is brainwashed into thinking that driving is the most responsible way to get around.
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I like the emotional response. I think I'll got with that, since most of their concerns are emotional. I don't know if I'll get any further.
I felt so defeated yesterday and today that I almost drove, using the cold as an excuse. It was 11F here this morning with no wind, and I quite enjoyed my ride to work.
I felt so defeated yesterday and today that I almost drove, using the cold as an excuse. It was 11F here this morning with no wind, and I quite enjoyed my ride to work.
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If the truck is paid for and you can carry state minimum insurance you won't be out much money at all to keep it. Your wife has some security issues with getting rid of the truck. The insurance you'd have to carry on the truck is a cheap form of security for the wife.
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Much Money / Risk Assessment
It's all about which risks you are willing to accept. All risk is just a gamble. Every risk assessment is based on hypothetical outcomes. I'm sure there are people out there that have beaten all the odds and never needed insurance. I think keeping a second motor vehicle multiplies your chances of being sued, injured, or killed. It does guarantee you will be spending more money no matter how you look at it.
Is there a Flex Car service near you? I wish there were one where I live.
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Recently I told somebody that when the temperatures are lower than 20 degrees I use a lot of chemical hand and feet warmers. I explained that buying a bunch of them each day was much cheaper than calling a cab or renting a car. They do cost three times more per day than the amount of gasoline I would have used in my last car. The savings comes from not buying a car and not really needing to use those chemical heaters more than two months out of the year.
i hope you'd at least consider wearing the super-insulated kind of gloves / boots that are favored by people who work in places like Barrow (northernmost city in USA).
#18
In the right lane
The OP says he spend $600 a year for the second each vehicle. He also needs to buy gas for the occasional ride, registration, any repairs. It could easily run $100 a month. It might be worth the extra money. You won't do much traveling by taxi for $100, but around here a monthly bus pass is less than $50.
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$600.00 a year to keep the car, or $600.00 a year for his wife and mother's peace of mind? It is a cheap way to keep a bunch of people off his back. If his family isn't on board with ditching the truck it is by no means worth it.
#20
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What I did in a situation like this was to keep my SUV, keep it parked, pay the insurance/ license fees and let the wife use it when she needed a vehicle to haul large loads or for a back up vehicle. The drop in the SUV operating/maintenance expenditures paid for the insurance/license fees, and giving the wife a peace of mind in the case of her needing a spare/large load vehicle.
#21
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Exactly the same way you would have done it if it seemed like a great idea to everyone. Why do you feel the need to justify your decisions to anyone except for your life partner? Are you in charge of your own life or do you have to get a stamp of approval for all your plans from semi-random half-strangers first?
#22
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If the truck just sits around not being used or being used infrequently then there are also going to be big repair bills besides the 600 bucks a year. All the rubber hoses and belts will go out first from disuse, then i the tires will rot, and then on and on and on... However, if you sell the ruck now while it is still worth something then you can take that money and put it to good use for you either in an investment fund or paying off some debt and saving you interest. If you keep the truck it will cost A LOT more than 600 a year I think. Also don't forget that even though the truck is just sitting its also depreciating when the times come that you do want to sell it. I suggest taking some of the money you will save by selling the truck and upgrading your current auto insurance or adding AAA so that when or if you wifes van breaks down you are covered to rent a car for free. Seems a lot less hassle to me.
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I wrote up a list of snappy comebacks. it only took a few to shut them up.
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This site selects some advertisements by scanning the text and choosing what it thinks fits the topic of discussion. If we all wrote about water skiing there would be ads for boats, trucks pulling boat trailers, and other related equipment. Just by typing that sentence it makes it more likely that such things will appear. The word truck has been mentioned several times in this thread, thus we see truck advertisements.
OK, let's see if that works.
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