tariqa

No girl wants to talk to a guy without a car...You can no longer pick the girl up and take her out anywhere...You are pretty much limited to meeting at one place and hopefully somewhere in walking distance of another, if not, just that one place and home. If she has a car, youll be forced to beg her to take you out...If your a female, similar things happen but if youre a male, you're screwed.

SO for those that lived and survived to tell about it, or have any suggestions, how is it possible to live car free and maintain a decent dating life?

no1mad 

I'd imagine it depends on where you live and/or where you're looking for a potential mate.

Sixty Fiver

It worked out well enough for my wife and I... besides the car free thing we were also 1000 miles away from each other.

Artkansas 

I had that situation when I was younger and living in L.A. But in later years, that was not a barrier. If you are car free and that is important, then perhaps a woman who cannot stand that is not for you.

Machka 

It worked out well for Rowan and me too. Besides the car free thing, we were also on the opposite sides of the planet ... me in Canada and him in Australia.



But a comment to tariqa ... there are taxis, buses and trains. You aren't limited to remaining within walking distance of home.

ro-monster

It's no longer customary to pick up your date at home. You meet where you're going, and each person transports themselves as they see fit.

In fact, I was transporting myself to all my dates 25 years ago. Back then I had a car...but almost none of the men I dated had one. It never occurred to me to care how they got around.

But if you should meet someone who thinks less of you for not having a car, great! You know right up front that you shouldn't waste your time getting to know this person.

wahoonc

My son live in Somerville, MA (Boston) doesn't own a car, his social life is just fine. I have spent time with him and his friends, we walk to the local pubs for trivia nights, beer and general fun. Sometimes a group will get together and take the T (with people joining the group at different stops) to a museum or art show. Or just meet at the venue. The same group was headed out for a 13 mile bike ride down the Minuteman trail this past weekend. Doesn't seem to be crimping his style at all.

I dated for quite a few years while car free and had no issues, and the area I lived in at the time had no mass transit.

Aaron

tariqa

Just saying the things you do will have to be pretty limited.
No more driving or cruising around the city.
as I said you cant take your girl out anymore it will be pretty much meet ups.
You can only go to one place unless its in walking distance.
Also it would be hard staying fresh showing up for the date, being that you arrive sweaty and all...

tariqa

I guess it could be done..but could use more suggestions....
im used to having epic spectacular dates that last for hours even days at a time...dont know how thats possible on a bike...maybe with a little creativity though it would work...

Booger1

Date girls that ride bikes?.....What's more epic than riding to the park and having a picnic with your favorite girl,then riding off into the sunset to enjoy your night together.....

Sounds like a date to me.....

wipekitty

I think your assumption here is that any girl you'd want to date would not be okay with biking or using public transit.

If you're car free because you want to be, and it's something important to you, you'll be happier with a girl that shares your love of biking. Epic dates are still possible...cruising around on bikes can be fun, and you can sometimes go places that can't be accessed by car. Even if your date isn't a hardcore rider, the willingness to cruise on a bike will expand possible locations by several miles.

If you're not car free by choice and you're not interested in bike girls, you'll obviously need to make some compromises. There's a thread about cycling and being presentable afterwards. Just be upfront that your bike is your transportation, and maybe for a special occasion, consider renting a nice car.

ro-monster

Epic date that lasts for days: Go on a bike tour with your date. Have an adventure!

Booger1

You can show her there are more than 50 stars in the sky....

JamesRL

I didn't get my license until I was married and had a kid on the way. I lived in Toronto, and cars there are expensive to maintain, insure and park. You can bike in the summer, and take transit in bad weather.

I have a former co-worker who hasn't owned a car in Toronto for the past ten years, he has two kids. His house is walking distance to the subway. He works from home. When they have relatives visit from outside the country, they rent a car to get around and see the sites outside of Toronto. They can afford a house in part because they don't spend the big bucks on a car. In Toronto, my insurance (no recent claims or tickets) is over $2000 a year, and gas is expensive compared to smaller towns (and much more expensive than in the US).

Sadly today I can't commute to work by bike. I wish I could, even if it were just for a few months a year.

Jim from Boston

+ 1 as Jim from Boston

My wife and I met as college students in Ann Arbor, MI, a compact, walkable town, and we did many cycle tours together before the cross-country honeymoon.

Astrozombie

And if that doesn't work, move to a more bike friendly city.

bragi

If she likes you, she'll like you even if you don't have a car. You do have to have something else going for you, though. Like maybe a job, a decent place to live, decent clothes, and the ability to say something interesting at least once in a while.

phoebeisis

Rent a car for dates?

Zedoo

I had a van during several important years. It was all types of unsafe and unattractive to young women. Meeting someone on a bike can be spun as safety and freedom.

RaleighSport

I got locked into a very serious relationship before going car-lite.. and she doesn't mind my lifestyle but she won't give up her car.

tandempower

A couple things are worth pointing out here. First, many women are very social-validation oriented. They date with the agenda of impressing other people in their life with the guy they catch. Such women are not thinking independently about whether they can respect a guy who lives car-free or not. They are only concerned whether other people will be impressed with the guy or not. So unless you're into, and can find, an independent-minded woman, there is a high risk that you will have to impress not only her with your lifestyle but also everyone else she's interested in impressing, which can be a tough, if not impossible burden. If you really value independence, you might want to consider staying out of relationships altogether, or at least stick to dating women who are more concerned about gaining your respect than having you work to get hers.

Second, I can't stereotype because there are many women who are flexible in terms of aesthetic orientation but having said that, a woman once spoke at a public transit meeting to make the point that sitting at a bus stop in panty hose and big hair is too hot. Many women also steer clear of bike commuting for this reason. I'm not saying that many guys aren't the exact same way or that there are no women who are willing to sacrifice personal aesthetics and some comfort to go car-free, but feminine aesthetics are slightly stricter in most cases than for men so it could be slightly harder for a man to find a woman who accepts and even appreciates his car-free lifestyle as it would be for a woman to find a man who accepts and appreciates hers. Now that I say this, I will probably get replies about all the men who expect a woman to don a perfect appearance, etc. There are exceptions to all rules.

Also, now that I think about it, there are plenty of women who can be really charmed by a guy who puts extra effort into life by living car-free. Many also appreciate principle and the willingness to make sacrifices for it. It demonstrates a good heart, good ethics, and responsibility generally. You just have to steer clear of those women who twist your lifestyle into some kind of shirking of driving as a responsibility. Probably being with this type of woman wouldn't make you happy anyway in the long run if you are the type of person who has the ability to shirk social norms for a higher cause.

Also, women like a guy to be in good shape if they aren't the kind of women who want guys to be worse than them to make them look good in comparison. A woman who works to keep herself in good shape will appreciate the physique you have and will maintain longer in life because of your commitment to walking/biking. Staying fit is not as easy as letting yourself go, however, so there are less people in both gender categories who do so, which narrows your pool of potential good candidates for a mate. It can be lonely at the top.

Machka 

From a female perspective ...

I don't think I've ever had a date that involved driving or cruising around the city. Sounds pretty boring to me. But then, I've never been impressed by guys with their cars.

I'd rather do something interesting on a date ...

-- meet up at the movies and then walk to a nearby restaurant for dinner after ... that might be something for a cold, rainy evening.

-- go on an all-day hike ... take the bus, take a taxi, or rent a car to get to the trail head, and then spend the day hiking.

-- go on an all-day bicycle ride ... ride from home, meet at a central location, then spend the day cycling. It helps if one of you has made some sort of plan like maybe cycling out to the beach 50 km away or something.

-- go to the local aquatic centre and swim, slide down the water slides, float in the wave pools, soak in the hot pool ... again, take the bus or a taxi to the pool, or maybe cycle or walk there.

-- do a fitness class together, go to an indoor rock-climbing centre, take an archery class ... same sort of deal as with the aquatic centre ... take a bus or a taxi to the place, or maybe cycle or walk there.

-- do something touristy ... around here, there's an old sailing ship that does half-day cruises; there's a hop-on-hop-off tourist bus that will take you around to various tourist attractions - that would be an all-day thing; there are museums, art galleries, markets. And again ... bus, taxi, cycle, walk or if necessary, rent a car to get to these things.

wahoonc

If a woman is only interested in the type of vehicle I own, she isn't for me...

Aaron

SHBR

Try moving somewhere that isn't obsessed with car culture.

ngateguy

Never been an issue for me but maybe the women I am attracted to don't care if you have a car or not.