Advertise on Bikeforums.net



User Tag List

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 26 to 50 of 80
  1. #26
    Senior Member ro-monster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Bay Area, California
    My Bikes
    Pacific Reach, Specialized Myka Expert
    Posts
    708
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tariqa View Post
    Just saying the things you do will have to be pretty limited.
    No more driving or cruising around the city.
    as I said you cant take your girl out anymore it will be pretty much meet ups.
    You can only go to one place unless its in walking distance.
    I think what's limited here is your idea of what constitutes a date. Cruising around the city is only one of thousands of possibilities. Use your imagination! And you are most certainly not limited to things within walking distance. You can explore a city on public transit, and see a whole lot more of it than you can from a car. You can explore on bicycles, or take a taxi if you want.

    Practical difficulties aren't the problem. Your limited perspective is the problem.

  2. #27
    Junior Member Caribou's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Location
    Oklahoma
    Posts
    6
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I've been wondering this same thing. My town doesn't have a ton of taxis, but maybe yours does.

  3. #28
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I ride where the thylacine roamed!
    My Bikes
    Lots
    Posts
    38,897
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by ro-monster View Post
    I think what's limited here is your idea of what constitutes a date.
    +1

    There are so many more interesting things to do than just cruising around the city in a car.

  4. #29
    Senior Member MikeRides's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Where the Detour takes me
    My Bikes
    Raleigh Detour 4.5
    Posts
    636
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I first asked my fiancee out on the local MUP about 7 years ago. She had a daily evening routine where she'd be riding every day at around 5pm. Granted we knew each other for years prior to that engagement we never actually hung out. I was riding back to the trail head where my car was parked one day when I spotted her. Naturally I turned around, caught up to her and struck up a conversation for a little ways. That day forward I changed my schedule around to ride around 5pm everyday, eventually I asked her if she was interested in having dinner one night. She said she was free that particular night, so we rode our bikes to an adjoining town for dinner at some quaint Italian restaurant. I later found out she wasn't riding her bike on the MUP for recreation but she was commuting from her 9-5 job nearby. I was heavily dependent on a car back then, I thought it was crazy someone would want to be car free. (Man a lot has changed in 7 years.) She explained how she was living on a military installation and didn't need a car so she got used to riding the bike and continued commuting on it when she moved back to her hometown although she had bought a car once she found out she was pregnant. Long story short, we've been together ever since.
    Last edited by MikeRides; 08-14-14 at 10:54 PM.
    "Just ride it until the wheels fall off!"

  5. #30
    Formerly Known as Newbie Juha's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Location
    Helsinki, Finland
    Posts
    5,738
    Mentioned
    3 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tariqa View Post
    No girl wants to talk to a guy without a car...
    You were doing OK until that false statement. Dunno about the Realm of Existance, but around where I live plenty of people talk to each other, no matter what their chosen mode of transport is.

    --J
    To err is human. To moo is bovine.

    Who is this General Failure anyway, and why is he reading my drive?


    Become a Registered Member in Bike Forums
    Community guidelines

  6. #31
    Sophomoric Member Roody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Dancing in Lansing
    Posts
    20,515
    Mentioned
    5 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Caribou View Post
    I've been wondering this same thing. My town doesn't have a ton of taxis, but maybe yours does.
    You don't really need a ton of taxis, just one will do. Call your local cab company and ask about their availability, service area, wait times, fares, etc.

    Most towns that are too small to have taxis are too small to need them...


    "Think Outside the Cage"

  7. #32
    The Fat Guy In The Back Tundra_Man's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Sioux Falls, SD
    My Bikes
    '02 Giant Boulder, '08 Felt S32
    Posts
    932
    Mentioned
    4 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    I would speculate that the difficulty of the challenge is based on where you live and how common it is for people in that area to live car-free. In larger cities where being car-free is more common, it probably would be easier because one would seem like less of an anomaly to a prospective partner. Conversely, where I live being car-free by choice is relatively unheard of so I can imagine it would be more difficult.

    One thing being car-free definitely impacts is the ease of going parking and hopping in the back seat. Most public transit providers would frown on that one.
    '81 Panasonic Sport, '02 Giant Boulder SE, '08 Felt S32, '10 Diamondback Insight RS, '10 Windsor Clockwork

    Visit me at the Tundra Man Workshop

  8. #33
    Has opinion, will express
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    12,930
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by JamesRL View Post
    I didn't get my license until I was married and had a kid on the way. I lived in Toronto, and cars there are expensive to maintain, insure and park. You can bike in the summer, and take transit in bad weather.

    I have a former co-worker who hasn't owned a car in Toronto for the past ten years, he has two kids. His house is walking distance to the subway. He works from home. When they have relatives visit from outside the country, they rent a car to get around and see the sites outside of Toronto. They can afford a house in part because they don't spend the big bucks on a car. In Toronto, my insurance (no recent claims or tickets) is over $2000 a year, and gas is expensive compared to smaller towns (and much more expensive than in the US).

    Sadly today I can't commute to work by bike. I wish I could, even if it were just for a few months a year.
    The hidden gem in this thread is here. What more of a lure could a girl need than for a person who doesn't own a car to say: "I don't waste money on cars, I'd rather waste it on girls like you"... well, not really, but it sure helps to say that you have more money to spend on making your experiences together a lot more enjoyable (if not meaningful)... upgrades to the penthouse suite when you really get to know each other, limousine transport to and from the restaurant, bouquets of flowers bigger than she has seen before, surprise trip to Vegas...

    And it doesn't matter whether you are wealthy or poor or in between... the savings on the non-car ownership means more to lavish on her.

    I dated several time between my last big relationship and Machka, all free of car ownership. It was OK. They had cars so could be at venues under their own steam. Interestingly, I was always there before or on time, and they were invariably late. Goes to show that not relying on a motor vehicle results in better transportational planning skills (I might have used a bus, taxi or walked if not cycled).
    Dream. Dare. Do.

  9. #34
    Senior Member Cyclosaurus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Chicago Western 'burbs
    My Bikes
    1993 Mt Shasta Tempest, 2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross CX, 2012ish Dahon Speed D7
    Posts
    420
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    There's plenty of women who would share your car-free lifestyle values. Someone who doesn't want to date you because you don't own a car really is on the opposite side of the spectrum from your values.
    Whenever a theory appears to you as the only possible one, take this as a sign that you have neither understood the theory nor the problem which it was intended to solve. -Popper

  10. #35
    covered in cat fur katsrevenge's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Willkes-Barre, PA
    My Bikes
    '85 Schwinn World Tourist, 2014 Windsor Kensington 8
    Posts
    386
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    A couple things are worth pointing out here. First, many women are very social-validation oriented. They date with the agenda of impressing other people in their life with the guy they catch. Such women are not thinking independently about whether they can respect a guy who lives car-free or not. They are only concerned whether other people will be impressed with the guy or not. So unless you're into, and can find, an independent-minded woman, there is a high risk that you will have to impress not only her with your lifestyle but also everyone else she's interested in impressing, which can be a tough, if not impossible burden. If you really value independence, you might want to consider staying out of relationships altogether, or at least stick to dating women who are more concerned about gaining your respect than having you work to get hers.

    Second, I can't stereotype because there are many women who are flexible in terms of aesthetic orientation but having said that, a woman once spoke at a public transit meeting to make the point that sitting at a bus stop in panty hose and big hair is too hot. Many women also steer clear of bike commuting for this reason. I'm not saying that many guys aren't the exact same way or that there are no women who are willing to sacrifice personal aesthetics and some comfort to go car-free, but feminine aesthetics are slightly stricter in most cases than for men so it could be slightly harder for a man to find a woman who accepts and even appreciates his car-free lifestyle as it would be for a woman to find a man who accepts and appreciates hers. Now that I say this, I will probably get replies about all the men who expect a woman to don a perfect appearance, etc. There are exceptions to all rules.

    Also, now that I think about it, there are plenty of women who can be really charmed by a guy who puts extra effort into life by living car-free. Many also appreciate principle and the willingness to make sacrifices for it. It demonstrates a good heart, good ethics, and responsibility generally. You just have to steer clear of those women who twist your lifestyle into some kind of shirking of driving as a responsibility. Probably being with this type of woman wouldn't make you happy anyway in the long run if you are the type of person who has the ability to shirk social norms for a higher cause.

    Also, women like a guy to be in good shape if they aren't the kind of women who want guys to be worse than them to make them look good in comparison. A woman who works to keep herself in good shape will appreciate the physique you have and will maintain longer in life because of your commitment to walking/biking. Staying fit is not as easy as letting yourself go, however, so there are less people in both gender categories who do so, which narrows your pool of potential good candidates for a mate. It can be lonely at the top.
    I am female. All of this is news to me. When I decided that I had found a guy I ended up with a guy who owned no car, had a giant comic book collection and was post college but still wore high school era jeans. He was also sweet, smart and hard working. The important stuff.


    Quote Originally Posted by tariqa View Post
    No girl wants to talk to a guy without a car...You can no longer pick the girl up and take her out anywhere...You are pretty much limited to meeting at one place and hopefully somewhere in walking distance of another, if not, just that one place and home. If she has a car, youll be forced to beg her to take you out...If your a female, similar things happen but if youre a male, you're screwed.

    SO for those that lived and survived to tell about it, or have any suggestions, how is it possible to live car free and maintain a decent dating life?
    I don't think I ever let a guy pick me up and take me anywhere. Is this still a thing people do past maybe that first year or so of HS car ownership?
    When I met my fiancÚ he had no car. We ended up buying our first car a few years later to move a few hundred miles. Never had problem doing anything or getting anywhere.
    Just one of those dirty pinko commies some people worry about.

  11. #36
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I ride where the thylacine roamed!
    My Bikes
    Lots
    Posts
    38,897
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by katsrevenge View Post
    I am female. All of this is news to me.
    +1

    I'm also female ... and it was all news to me too.

  12. #37
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    330
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by katsrevenge View Post
    I am female. All of this is news to me. When I decided that I had found a guy I ended up with a guy who owned no car, had a giant comic book collection and was post college but still wore high school era jeans. He was also sweet, smart and hard working. The important stuff.
    I used to think women resist and dislike being analyzed but really it's not gender unique. Many people of both genders dislike it. There's a widespread culture of resisting exposure. It makes it difficult to get feedback from the people you're analyzing when they actively and intentionally try to undermine your analysis. Anyway, maybe your life is just very different from the experiences I've based my analyses on. Or maybe you, like many people, selectively perceive reality. I don't know you well enough to say and if I had to guess based on prejudices I have about people resisting being analytically objectified, I assume you wouldn't want me to.

    Just out of curiosity, though, how old were you and your man when you met him with no car? It sounds like you got together young. Was it still fairly 'normal' among people your age to not have cars? One thing I've found is that many people allow their values and perceptions to shift according to social norms of their peers. I watched this happen as many of my peers didn't drive cars and didn't want to when we were young, but as they got older they began getting cars and driving primarily while I was stuck on cycling because it's the right thing to do and I'm more immune to social-norms because my social-analytical background render them fairly transparent and meaningless to me.

    I do think I've seen social norms about driving and bike-commuting change in recent decades, but I also see some of the old norms and expectations carried forward by people who seem to have an interest in the old forms of cultural pushiness regarding status superiority, etc. So it's interesting to me to hear from younger generations who seem to be less biased toward cars and driving but still influenced by cultural traditions that favor driving, such as women who want to be picked up in a car for a date because they like to dress and make themselves up in a way that benefits from protection from wind.

  13. #38
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    330
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Machka View Post
    +1

    I'm also female ... and it was all news to me too.
    So I guess being female makes people an expert on being female then? How is it, then, that women seem to understand men so much better than we understand ourselves so much of the time? I think there's an element of objectivity-from-a-distance that both genders can exploit if they put their minds to it.

  14. #39
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I ride where the thylacine roamed!
    My Bikes
    Lots
    Posts
    38,897
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    So I guess being female makes people an expert on being female then?
    Yes ... as a matter of fact, it does.


    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    How is it, then, that women seem to understand men so much better than we understand ourselves so much of the time?
    Women are just bright that way.

  15. #40
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I ride where the thylacine roamed!
    My Bikes
    Lots
    Posts
    38,897
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    I used to think women resist and dislike being analyzed but really it's not gender unique. Many people of both genders dislike it. There's a widespread culture of resisting exposure. It makes it difficult to get feedback from the people you're analyzing when they actively and intentionally try to undermine your analysis. Anyway, maybe your life is just very different from the experiences I've based my analyses on. Or maybe you, like many people, selectively perceive reality. I don't know you well enough to say and if I had to guess based on prejudices I have about people resisting being analytically objectified, I assume you wouldn't want me to.
    I wonder why people would object to being analysed.

  16. #41
    covered in cat fur katsrevenge's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Willkes-Barre, PA
    My Bikes
    '85 Schwinn World Tourist, 2014 Windsor Kensington 8
    Posts
    386
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    I used to think women resist and dislike being analyzed but really it's not gender unique. Many people of both genders dislike it. There's a widespread culture of resisting exposure. It makes it difficult to get feedback from the people you're analyzing when they actively and intentionally try to undermine your analysis. Anyway, maybe your life is just very different from the experiences I've based my analyses on. Or maybe you, like many people, selectively perceive reality. I don't know you well enough to say and if I had to guess based on prejudices I have about people resisting being analytically objectified, I assume you wouldn't want me to.

    Just out of curiosity, though, how old were you and your man when you met him with no car? It sounds like you got together young. Was it still fairly 'normal' among people your age to not have cars? One thing I've found is that many people allow their values and perceptions to shift according to social norms of their peers. I watched this happen as many of my peers didn't drive cars and didn't want to when we were young, but as they got older they began getting cars and driving primarily while I was stuck on cycling because it's the right thing to do and I'm more immune to social-norms because my social-analytical background render them fairly transparent and meaningless to me.

    I do think I've seen social norms about driving and bike-commuting change in recent decades, but I also see some of the old norms and expectations carried forward by people who seem to have an interest in the old forms of cultural pushiness regarding status superiority, etc. So it's interesting to me to hear from younger generations who seem to be less biased toward cars and driving but still influenced by cultural traditions that favor driving, such as women who want to be picked up in a car for a date because they like to dress and make themselves up in a way that benefits from protection from wind.
    I think it's human to resist being turned into any sort of object. In fact there are whole schools of thought built around that idea.

    We met late twenties. Typical grad school/college grad age. For what it is worth, most of the people I knew from that age still don't have cars. A few bought one, and a few got rid of theirs. It seems to be mostly based on where they live and quality of public transport.

    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    So I guess being female makes people an expert on being female then? How is it, then, that women seem to understand men so much better than we understand ourselves so much of the time? I think there's an element of objectivity-from-a-distance that both genders can exploit if they put their minds to it.
    Well, I wouldn't consider myself an expert on being a man. I'm not a man. Kind of comes with the territory....funny how that works.

    That said, most males are not socialized to notice various cues. Or perhaps most males just don't bother reading those social cues that help one sus out what another is feeling or thinking. Or perhaps it is that we don't teach boys to listen to girls in the same way we teach girls to listen. Perhaps giving boys dolls and having them play house from an early age would help.

    That said, I don't think men and women are that different. Everyone wants someone who's comfortable to be around, who treats them right and doesn't complain too much if you fart in bed.

    Quote Originally Posted by Machka View Post
    Yes ... as a matter of fact, it does.




    Women are just bright that way.
    Dude. We need a man to tell how us women feel and think and what we want... right..?
    Just one of those dirty pinko commies some people worry about.

  17. #42
    Been Around Awhile I-Like-To-Bike's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Burlington Iowa
    My Bikes
    Vaterland and Ragazzi
    Posts
    20,029
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Machka View Post
    I wonder why people would object to being analysed.
    Especially improvised and impromptu analysis from a self appointed/anointed expert who finds society norms meaningless.

  18. #43
    Senior Member Dave Cutter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    in my recliner
    Posts
    1,508
    Mentioned
    7 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tariqa View Post
    No girl wants to talk to a guy without a car...........
    .......... how is it possible to live car free and maintain a decent dating life?
    I spent a large part of my adult life single and never found "dating" to be a problem. Of course I define dating as: romantic and/or sexual encounters. Since (for many years) I remained single by choice I wasn't particularly interested in a long term monogamous relationship.

    The no car lifestyle should NOT be a hindrance... in any way. Always assume it isn't! Then proceed. Many men shy away from some women because they don't feel they drive the "right car". It is just silly.

    Most women care much more about their own feelings than your current lifestyle. Meeting a women is a great first date. Find a place where YOU feel comfortable and can project confidence. Relax, be humors, and entertaining. If the woman is attracted to you and wants to bed you... she will. Let her workout the logistics.

    Women generally believe they can alter a mates behavior. If a woman is interested in you but doesn't like the "no car lifestyle" she MIGHT assume she can change that part of you. And there is the risk. If a potential mate isn't as into "car free" just as much as you are.... you could find yourself emotionally involved with someone who lives a lifestyle you're in conflict with.
    Last edited by Dave Cutter; 08-15-14 at 09:39 PM.

  19. #44
    Senior Member Cyclosaurus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Chicago Western 'burbs
    My Bikes
    1993 Mt Shasta Tempest, 2011 Motobecane Fantom Cross CX, 2012ish Dahon Speed D7
    Posts
    420
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    So I guess being female makes people an expert on being female then? How is it, then, that women seem to understand men so much better than we understand ourselves so much of the time? I think there's an element of objectivity-from-a-distance that both genders can exploit if they put their minds to it.
    Dude, when you're already in a hole...stop digging.
    Whenever a theory appears to you as the only possible one, take this as a sign that you have neither understood the theory nor the problem which it was intended to solve. -Popper

  20. #45
    Has opinion, will express
    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    12,930
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclosaurus View Post
    Dude, when you're already in a hole...stop digging.
    He doesn't think he has hit the chauvinist motherlode... yet he's well past it because he didn't recognise it!

    I mean, objectified and exploit and other interesting words in the same theme, all wrapped up in a neat package.

  21. #46
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2013
    Location
    Decatur, GA. USA
    My Bikes
    Surly Long Haul Disc Trucker
    Posts
    910
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tariqa View Post
    No girl wants to talk to a guy without a car...
    Say that on BF and yes, you'll get comments from bike loving females that dismiss your concern and say there are "plenty" of girls out there that will date a guy without a car. I'm sure it varies some by the area where you live. But I think you are largely right in the sense that your choices are significantly or maybe even vastly reduced.

    I think that many women would be reluctant to give a fully honest answer on the topic but would still be highly prejudiced against a man without a car. Even so many will be quite frank about and will, at places other than BF like this one for example. I'm not saying it's a factor that can't be overcome - but it needs to be overcome. It puts you at a disadvantage.

  22. #47
    Senior Member wahoonc's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    On the road-USA
    My Bikes
    Giant Excursion, Raleigh Sports, Raleigh R.S.W. Compact, Motobecane? and about 20 more! OMG
    Posts
    16,262
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    So I guess being female makes people an expert on being female then? How is it, then, that women seem to understand men so much better than we understand ourselves so much of the time? I think there's an element of objectivity-from-a-distance that both genders can exploit if they put their minds to it.
    You are forgetting the obvious... men are born brain damaged...

    Medical research studies have shown that in the womb, between the 18th and 26th week of gestation, something happens that forever separates the sexes. If the baby is to be a boy, a chemical bath of different sex-related hormones washes over the brain, causing several important changes that never happen to the brain of a baby girl.

    Quite simply, the hormones which flood a baby boy’s brain cause the right side of the brain to recede slightly and destroy some of the fibers that connect the two sides. And one result is that, in most cases, a baby boy starts life more left-brain oriented from birth. The left side of the brain houses more of the logical, analytical, factual, and aggressive centers of thought.

    What about little girls? From the moment of birth, because they don’t go through this chemical bath, little girls are more global or “two sided” in their thinking. Electrical impulses and messages go back and forth more quickly between both sides of a little girl’s brain. Females spend most of their time camped out on the right side of the brain. Over on that side are the centers for feelings and emotions, as well as the relational, language, and communication skills.


    Aaron
    Webshots is bailing out, if you find any of my posts with corrupt picture files and want to see them corrected please let me know. :(

    ISO: A late 1980's Giant Iguana MTB frameset (or complete bike) 23" Red with yellow graphics.

    "Cycling should be a way of life, not a hobby.
    RIDE, YOU FOOL, RIDE!"
    _Nicodemus

    "Steel: nearly a thousand years of metallurgical development
    Aluminum: barely a hundred
    Which one would you rather have under your butt at 30mph?"
    _krazygluon

  23. #48
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    330
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Machka View Post
    I wonder why people would object to being analysed.
    It's funny. I really dislike rhetorical sarcasm like this because it's essentially saying something that it isn't. It requires the reader to put words in the mouth of the writer based on assumptions about what they might mean but didn't directly say. I find it far better to take people at their word but sarcasm and rhetorical language preclude this. Please explain to me how someone could dislike being analyzed and then use indirect language that requires analysis to get the meaning.

    Quote Originally Posted by katsrevenge View Post
    I think it's human to resist being turned into any sort of object. In fact there are whole schools of thought built around that idea.
    And yet how many women like decorating themselves the same way they would decorate other material objects? Maybe it comes with having been socialized with dolls, objects meant to represent human bodies (albeit without a human soul)? I agree that people should think about or treat others as objects, but males tend to be the ones socialized more to transcend material consciousness, whereas women tend to be trained to focus much more on physical/material expressions.

    We met late twenties. Typical grad school/college grad age. For what it is worth, most of the people I knew from that age still don't have cars. A few bought one, and a few got rid of theirs. It seems to be mostly based on where they live and quality of public transport.
    That is nice to hear. I see so much bias against public transit. I hope you and your friends are representative of a broader trend.

    Well, I wouldn't consider myself an expert on being a man. I'm not a man. Kind of comes with the territory....funny how that works.
    No one can really understand any category because people aren't categories, they're individuals. It's just that we notice cultural patterns that are more gender-specific than universal and we interpret the meanings and experiences of these patterns through our own capacity for making sense of them, empathizing with them, and so forth. 'Expert' is a loaded word. If you think about something a lot and come to some conclusions, you have something to say about the matter. If others contradict what you say, it could be because they're right and telling the truth, or it could be because they're engaged in intentional or unintentional deception (and even self-deception). How can anyone know for sure what's really going on, even with themselves? It requires a commitment to honest, which many people resist because it is a form of self-objectification.

    That said, most males are not socialized to notice various cues. Or perhaps most males just don't bother reading those social cues that help one sus out what another is feeling or thinking. Or perhaps it is that we don't teach boys to listen to girls in the same way we teach girls to listen. Perhaps giving boys dolls and having them play house from an early age would help.
    I notice many men have this attitude of blowing these off as 'small stuff.' Many women would regard such men incredulously for dismissing something as small or irrelevant that they consider important. These are all generalizations, though. There is also a big gap between the way that men and women respect others, generally, I think. Whereas women like the idea of respecting someone else for no other reason than nurturing the other person's ego, men tend to be more dismissive of something someone thinks or feels unless there is more objective reason to do so. Ironically, I often seem to find ways of expressing thoughts that women will actively disrespect without regard to nurturing my ego. I think there's something about strength vs. weakness where if you express a strong mind, women will disrespect you to sort of cut you down. This causes me to wonder why women will validate all sorts of other emotions and expressions but not a strong mind. What's the prejudice against mind about?

    That said, I don't think men and women are that different. Everyone wants someone who's comfortable to be around, who treats them right and doesn't complain too much if you fart in bed.
    Good point. People are fundamentally the same, even in their propensity to overblow differences and ignore commonalities. I can't believe you mentioned farting in bed but thanks because it reminds me of one more perk of having transcended the need for a relationship

    Dude. We need a man to tell how us women feel and think and what we want... right..?
    Look, I studied feminism for a long time and there are these feminist memes that people reproduce dogmatically and I tire of hearing them. One is getting offended at the idea that "women need a man to do things for them." I agree that people shouldn't need other people to do things for them. I never said anything about women needing men to tell them anything. All I did was give my analysis of what I believe I have observed and extrapolated from observation and experience. Are you going to tell me I can't do this except for people of my own gender, or maybe not even for anyone except myself. Please, when you're ready to stop observing and reflecting on what other people do, then maybe you can come teach me about how you mind your own business exclusively and not others. Until then, please acknowledge that we all pay attention to and try to understand the way other people work in some way or another.


    Quote Originally Posted by I-Like-To-Bike View Post
    Especially improvised and impromptu analysis from a self appointed/anointed expert who finds society norms meaningless.
    Almost everything you imply in all your posts offends me in some way. That is amazing consistency.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cyclosaurus View Post
    Dude, when you're already in a hole...stop digging.
    When you are speaking your truth, and others consider it "digging yourself into a hole," it could be a sign you're on the right track. Submitting to what others think is the low road. Thinking for yourself independently is the high road. You're free to choose your path but the low road only leads farther down.

    Quote Originally Posted by Rowan View Post
    He doesn't think he has hit the chauvinist motherlode... yet he's well past it because he didn't recognise it!
    You assume you know what chauvinism is but how well do you, really?

  24. #49
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    Location
    I ride where the thylacine roamed!
    My Bikes
    Lots
    Posts
    38,897
    Mentioned
    34 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by tandempower View Post
    I think there's something about strength vs. weakness where if you express a strong mind, women will disrespect you to sort of cut you down. This causes me to wonder why women will validate all sorts of other emotions and expressions but not a strong mind. What's the prejudice against mind about?
    Are you saying women are stupid ... i.e. don't have a strong mind?

  25. #50
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    330
    Mentioned
    1 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Quote Originally Posted by Walter S View Post
    Say that on BF and yes, you'll get comments from bike loving females that dismiss your concern and say there are "plenty" of girls out there that will date a guy without a car. I'm sure it varies some by the area where you live. But I think you are largely right in the sense that your choices are significantly or maybe even vastly reduced.

    I think that many women would be reluctant to give a fully honest answer on the topic but would still be highly prejudiced against a man without a car. Even so many will be quite frank about and will, at places other than BF like this one for example. I'm not saying it's a factor that can't be overcome - but it needs to be overcome. It puts you at a disadvantage.
    Stop thinking of it as a 'disadvantage.' It is the same with any lifestyle choice that puts you above the herd. Imagine you were living in a time or place where smoking cigarettes was nearly ubiquitous. If you were in a non-smoker's club or forum, you could complain that it was so hard to find a woman who would date a non-smoker. People are just ego-sensitive. If they're doing something that's less good than they could otherwise be, being around someone who doesn't do that thing causes them to be self-conscious and question their own goodness. As long as everyone involved does the bad thing, they can dismiss worrying about it by telling themselves it's normal or that they don't really have a choice. The moment someone chooses the high road, whether it's not to smoke or not to drive a car, many people will avoid them or make up reasons why they're wrong simply to justify their own choice and go on with the self-denial.

    You have made a choice that puts you above norms. As a result, normatively biased people are going to biased against you and only truly good people who look beyond norms at true good and bad are going to see your true goodness that makes you worth relating to. This is a good thing in the long run because it spares you the misery of having to waste time with people who fail to look beyond norms at true goodness. The only reason you're bothered by this is because it's boring sitting around waiting and filtering through people until you come across the good ones. It is disturbing but most people are shallow and normative to cover up the fact that they simply don't care about goodness in any way. It's hard to see this because people put a lot of effort into creating a convincing facade that impels others to like and accept them despite their inherent indifference toward goodness.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •