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  1. #1
    Dead Fly AbsurdChalk's Avatar
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    The art of dating.

    I am 21 and dont have a drivers license. What are the strategies that car free people use when trying to ask someone out? Is there any stories that yall can share?
    X makes me feel Y

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdChalk View Post
    I am 21 and dont have a drivers license. What are the strategies that car free people use when trying to ask someone out? Is there any stories that yall can share?
    Move to a dense urban area like NYC or Chicago where cars aren't a way of life, and not having one isn't a handicap.
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  3. #3
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    I gave you a facetious answer before but without knowing more I can't give you serious advice except for Rule No. 23

    --- That which needs to be explained, can't be.

    Meaning that if your lack of a DL is some kind of a social handicap that needs to be rationalized, explained or justified, then nothing you can say will change that. If you're in an area and have a workable lifestyle where you aren't handicapped without a car, then date the way you live, walking or using a cab. Or look for girls with similar interests who think it's cool to date on bikes, and go on dates where that works. In short, be yourself and make that work, and don't fall into the trap of trying to get around rule No.23 unless the explanation is something like a a line of duty injury while in the service.
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    An ounce of diagnosis is worth a pound of cure.

    “Never argue with an idiot. He will only bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.”, George Carlin

    “One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions” - Adm Grace Murray Hopper - USN

    WARNING, I'm from New York. Thin skinned people should maintain safe distance.

  4. #4
    Dead Fly AbsurdChalk's Avatar
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    I wanted to hear some cool stories or maybe responses people got when they asked someone out.
    X makes me feel Y

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdChalk View Post
    I wanted to hear some cool stories or maybe responses people got when they asked someone out.
    Can't help. Though I didn't get a drivers license until my mid twenties, I lived in Manhattan all that time, so it never came up.
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    An ounce of diagnosis is worth a pound of cure.

    “Never argue with an idiot. He will only bring you down to his level and beat you with experience.”, George Carlin

    “One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions” - Adm Grace Murray Hopper - USN

    WARNING, I'm from New York. Thin skinned people should maintain safe distance.

  6. #6
    Thunder Whisperer no1mad's Avatar
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    Dateless Losers anonymous. Quite a few people have gotten engaged/married in part because of that thread/this site .
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyril View Post
    Ride what and in what manner pleases you. Those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind. srsly.
    Community guidelines

  7. #7
    covered in cat fur katsrevenge's Avatar
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    Met my fiance while neither of us owned a car.

    It was never any issue. It never occurred to me that it would be.
    Just one of those dirty pinko commies some people worry about.

  8. #8
    Dead Fly AbsurdChalk's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by katsrevenge View Post
    Met my fiance while neither of us owned a car.

    It was never any issue. It never occurred to me that it would be.
    Where at may I ask?
    X makes me feel Y

  9. #9
    Senior Member Ekdog's Avatar
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    Ask girls/guys to go cycling with you instead of going on car-centric dates. Go on group rides so as to meet fellow cyclists. If anyone rejects you because you don't own a car, count yourself lucky. You'll have discovered that that person is shallow and unworthy of your companionship.
    Last edited by Ekdog; 01-27-15 at 12:42 AM. Reason: Add last two sentences.

  10. #10
    covered in cat fur katsrevenge's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdChalk View Post
    Where at may I ask?
    Through another (non-dating) social platform. We had a lot in common, became friends.. and so it goes. The only time we discussed 'car' was when we decided to buy one a few years in when we were moving long distance.
    Just one of those dirty pinko commies some people worry about.

  11. #11
    Long Distance Cyclist Machka's Avatar
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    Rowan and I were both car-free when we met.

  12. #12
    Sophomoric Member Roody's Avatar
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    Try meeting people at bike related events

    • Bike club
    • Bike kitchen or bike co-op
    • Group rides
    • Advocacy group


    Just make friends at first. New male friends will introduce you to female friends/relatives/co-workers once they figure out that you're not a creep. (You're not a creep, are you?)


    "Think Outside the Cage"

  13. #13
    Senior Member wolfchild's Avatar
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    Be confident, be yourself... If you like somebody then just ask them out. If she says no, then don't stress over it, just move on until you find somebody else. It's that simple. Car or no car is irrelevant.

  14. #14
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    the best way to find someone to date if you have a bicycle is to tell them or show them that you have a bicycle.

  15. #15
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    I'm currently with two different girls that are both OK with me being car free. I found as long as you're upfront about it, most of them don't mind. Some might initially think that you're poor, broke, etc., and that can turn some of them away. For me it was choice. I have an infiniti I could be driving, but I enjoy life more when I commute by bike. They understand that, and they actually have learned to like it.

    Neither of them are bikers, and I didn't meet them through any sort of bike related group or activity.

    It helps that they both drive, and I live somewhere with fair weather year round. One lives 13 miles away, the other about 20. So a typical date is them driving over here and spending the night, or I ride out to their place and spend the night. That or sometimes when I'm planning to ride all day, I'll make plans to meet up somewhere for lunch.

    If you make a point to let your potential partner know you're willing to come to them and that you don't expect them to be a chauffeur, that helps too.

    Don't know if this is the info you're looking for. Sorry, but I didn't ask either girl out with any mention of bicycles. Biking is a hobby of mine that happens to be my main method of transportation, it's not a defining aspect of my personality.

    Plus, girls dig guys that are in shape. They also say my ass looks great in spandex

  16. #16
    surly old man jgedwa's Avatar
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    I am not car-free, or maybe even car-light by some standards, but I do a lot of utility riding. As such, I am not really in the position of the OP.

    However, I have found that anyone who is likely to like me is not going to be put off by my showing up somewhere on a bike. In fact, for the small (very, very small) niche market that I get some traction in as a single dude, it is a virtue not a vice.

    Would it put off a lot of potential dates? Sure? But the chances of being on a date with them in any case is pretty much zero anyway.

    Your people are out there, go and find them.

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  17. #17
    Pedaled too far. Artkansas's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdChalk View Post
    I am 21 and don't have a drivers license. What are the strategies that car free people use when trying to ask someone out? Are there any stories that y'all can share?
    Well, this being a bicycle forum, I'd first suggest joining a bicycle club or advocacy organization. That will increase your chances of meeting someone who understands cycling.

    To make things more even, if they did the driving, I'd pay for the gas, pay for the meal, or the movie tickets, this is to prevent being seen as a penniless loser.

    There are others who don't drive. See if you can find them.

    Cycling helps keep you slim and in shape. From what I see, that's becoming a bigger and bigger advantage.

    I did have one girlfriend who was car-free. But at the time, I owned a motorcycle.

    Dating a little when I was a university student, not owning a car didn't seem to be a problem.
    Last edited by Artkansas; 01-29-15 at 08:23 AM.
    "He who serves all, best serves himself" Jack London

    Quote Originally Posted by Bjforrestal View Post
    I don't care if you are on a unicycle, as long as you're not using a motor to get places you get props from me. We're here to support each other. Share ideas, and motivate one another to actually keep doing it.

  18. #18
    Did I catch a niner? Mr Pink57's Avatar
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    My situation is somewhat backwards.

    I have a car but hate driving so I bike just about everywhere I can, I like cars and enjoy admiring them but just do not care to drive. My gf on the other hand does not have a license, she is not from the United States and in her home country (Chile) not many people have cars so it is uncommon. What's funny about this is she does not bike too much, she does to work we both live about a mile from our jobs in opposite directions. She does not see a bike as I do nor does she go to many bike related events that I attend.

    So sometimes you can find one who is also car free by accident.

  19. #19
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    Date the way you live, or the way you want to live.
    If a car-free lifestyle is important to you, look for dates in places where you'll meet other non-car-centric people and do activities that work for that. Since you don't drive and presumably leave the house sometimes, you probably know what kinds of things you like to do. Meeting someone and doing only stuff that doesn't work with the kind of lifestyle you want is a great way to end up with a girlfriend you don't have anything in common with.

    I met my partner through a personal ad; it was the first (only) time either of us had ever gone on a date like that. It was about 5 degrees out, but we both arrived by bike. We've been together for 11 years, and neither of us has had a car in all that time. I'm 33 and have still never had a license. When we go out, we go by bike or occasionally by train. My partner has a license, so we get rental cars when we want to do something farther afield.

  20. #20
    Senior Member rumrunn6's Avatar
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    I never had luck asking women out, always going out of my league I guess. so I just waited to see who asked me out, or who smiled at me ridiculously, then I asked those girls out. easy tap. seemed to work just fine.
    cycling is like baseball ~ it doesn't take much to make it interesting

  21. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by wolfchild View Post
    Be confident, be yourself... If you like somebody then just ask them out. If she says no, then don't stress over it, just move on until you find somebody else. It's that simple. Car or no car is irrelevant.
    Yeah, that's it.

    Three decades ago I invited myself over to dinner at a college classmate's house. Lab class had run late, I was hungry and she had mentioned that she was making spaghetti dinner for her household of four. I thought she was attractive, although I was dating other women at the time. We found that we had a lot in common, including a loathing of cars and a lack of social graces. We've been happily married for many a decade.

    Sorry, OP. I don't have any modern car-free dating stories.

  22. #22
    Sophomoric Member Roody's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by B. Carfree View Post
    Yeah, that's it.

    Three decades ago I invited myself over to dinner at a college classmate's house. Lab class had run late, I was hungry and she had mentioned that she was making spaghetti dinner for her household of four. I thought she was attractive, although I was dating other women at the time. We found that we had a lot in common, including a loathing of cars and a lack of social graces. We've been happily married for many a decade.

    Sorry, OP. I don't have any modern car-free dating stories.
    Good post. I don't imagine the "art of dating" has changed too much in the last three decades--or centuries.


    "Think Outside the Cage"

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by B. Carfree View Post
    Yeah, that's it.

    Three decades ago I invited myself over to dinner at a college classmate's house. Lab class had run late, I was hungry and she had mentioned that she was making spaghetti dinner for her household of four. I thought she was attractive, although I was dating other women at the time. We found that we had a lot in common, including a loathing of cars and a lack of social graces. We've been happily married for many a decade.

    Sorry, OP. I don't have any modern car-free dating stories.
    Two decades ago I made a lasagne dinner for guy in exchange for him washing, drying, and folding my massive amount of dirty laundry. He's still doing my laundry and I'm still making him dinner.

  24. #24
    bragi bragi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AbsurdChalk View Post
    I wanted to hear some cool stories or maybe responses people got when they asked someone out.
    Just ask people out and stop it with the self-doubt. The people who will judge you based on external symbols of wealth, like what kind of car you drive, are worse than worthless; spend your time with a better class of people. I've been car-free. I've had periods when I owned horrible cars. I've had periods when I owned pretty nice cars. The car I owned, or even if I owned a car or not, made no difference at all. If they like you, they'll like you even if you have no car at all. If you have nothing to offer, a car won't change their mind. Just make sure you arrange to have an interesting life first. No one wants to date anyone who's looking to be rescued from their own boredom.
    If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

  25. #25
    Banned I-Like-To-Bike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bragi View Post
    The people who will judge you based on external symbols of wealth, like what kind of car you drive, are worse than worthless; spend your time with a better class of people.
    Note that the issue for the OP was not having access to ANY kind of car. There can be a world of difference in dating utility between having an available car (even if it does not signal "wealth") and no car at all. Dependence on taking the bus to get around on dating, if even available, is not just a symbol of wealth issue.

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