Machka 

Can you walk to the grocery store, medical clinic, and whatever else you need?

Are there regular buses to the grocery store, medical clinic, and whatever else you need?

Can you quickly and easily get a taxi to places further away if necessary?

Have you looked into having groceries and baby/medical supplies delivered?

Is there a Maternal & Child Health Centre in your area? When do they have meetings? Can you walk or take the bus there?

Is there Home Based Child Care in your area?


If you don't know the answer to these questions, I would suggest that you, as a family, start researching.

JusticeZero

Everything WE need to go to is a short bike ride away, maybe with a bus. I refuse to get a car because not only is it very expensive but I don't have medical insurance to pay for the blood pressure meds that would be needed after driving the thing around regularly. The person who needs to be able to get around has never been behind a wheel before.

JusticeZero

Between the two, yes.Taxi service is sketchy around here. There's lots of taxis, and they are all reckless and insane. I'd rather be in traffic when a high school lets out than near a bunch of taxis.Not yet? I have no idea how i'd look into that.*blank stare*

Machka 

OK.

You need to start researching.

Most grocery stores offer a delivery service.

Look at the Safeway site ... see along the top of the page where it says "Grocery Delivery"?
Safeway - Official Site

You can look up your local grocery stores online and contact them to find out what their delivery service is like.


Also, in some parts of the world, there are people who make a living by shopping and then delivering the shopping to people who can't get out and do it themselves for one reason or another. I used a service like that when I burnt my foot to the bone back in 2001. For 15% of my grocery bill, I could email my list to the person with my preferred shopping locations (I was allowed 2 preferred places, as I recall), and she would go shopping for me, and deliver it all right to my kitchen. So if my grocery bill was $100, it would cost me $115 for that service. I figured that was pretty good.

Most of her clients were elderly ... a few were moms with babies ... and occasionally she picked up people like me, with injuries.

I found that service by combing through the Yellow Pages to see what kind of services were available in my area. Doing that was actually quite informative.


Here in Australia, all or most States have a Maternal and Child Health organisation of some sort with offices all over the place.
Some information about the service in Victoria: Maternal and Child Health Services

This is where Google is your friend ... if you haven't turned up anything when you read your Yellow Pages.

Look through the various departments of your local State government pertaining to health, child care, etc.
Also look for maternal support. Childcare support. Drop-in centres. Community groups. Single mothers support centres.

If you go to your local medical clinic, they might also be able to provide you with brochures on such places ... places where your daughter can go for support, training, counselling, and general help ... and places where you can go as a family.

I-Like-To-Bike

Given your attitude as posted, I think advice or suggestions that don't meet your needs is unwelcome and will be ignored. I wish good luck and good health for your daughter and child.

cooker

You asked for the moral argument in favor of car-sharing vs ownership.

I-Like-To-Bike

Whew! We can only wonder who will help this young woman and child with their medical bills, let alone transportation requirements.

JusticeZero

Yeah, I don't know. The whole household has painfully low income. I can't easily increase my part without making being here in the first place irrelevant.

Machka 

Well, I gave you some suggestions. <<shrug>>

I might also suggest that you check into midwives and support groups that they might run, and you might also pay a visit to your local churches to find out what sort of mothers and babies support groups they might have.



But if you're going to reject everything we suggest, why post here in the first place?


And ... here's a way to increase your income. Get a job. There's three of you, surely all 3 are working??

rockmom

The husband and I managed car free with infants twice. The kids are 15 and almost 12 now so it can be done. Mostly we walked and took the bus when they were babies. We lived in cities both times so most stuff was reasonably convenient. Taxis, rental cars, and a car share have been useful for the once in awhile longer distance trip. For delivery of goods, I sort of wish Amazon prime had been available when the kids were little. I get a lot of use out now.

DocsDad

We also have a grandson born to young parents. I relate to the emotional roller coaster you just boarded.

1- 3 years later....we still love our grandson beyond any words. I tried to find words for this reply. There aren't any besides "love".

2- Allow yourselves to work through the emotions. It will take time.

3- I am not car-free. However, millions of people raise babies without cars. Extra work/time to trailer, bus and walk for food and child transportation? Yes. Doable? Yes.

4- Options for different types of assistance, healthcare etc can be found with the hospital/social worker upon birth. It WILL work out if there is commitment within the family.

Keep an open mind and spirit.

Best wishes for all on the journey.

cooker

It sounds like your stepdaughter (?) needs to figure out how she is going to handle this herself, as she is one who will be responsible for the child. Hopefully you will be able to give some calm and steady guidance.

If you do get a car, make sure she gets her license, for the sake of your blood pressure!

Roody

Your suggestions are less than helpful. In fact they're insulting, if you actually read the OP's situation.

First, just because there's a baby coming, why do they all of a sudden need grocery delivery? They can continue to get thei groceies in the same manner as they always have. Baby will make very little difference. I

If they decide to go with disposable diapers, they might want to look into having them delivered. I have heard that you can actually save money on diapers if you get them from Amazon or another online store.

As for your suggestion about Maternal Centers--those do not exist in this country AFAIK, at least not for low income or middle income people.. Mother/baby health care is delivered through a private physician or midwife, and it ain't free. I'm sure the mom will be looking into Medicaid insurance if she doesn't already have insurance.

rockmom

I've taken the time to read the whole thread now.
1) If you rent, think about what neighborhoods will best meet your needs with the addition of an infant. The first time round, we were more or less poor students and were already living close to what we needed. The second time around in a different city, we moved to a slightly more convenient neighborhood that was also near friends who could help out in a pinch, since we'd have a 3 year old and a baby.
2) What kind of baby strollers/carriers will work best for the situation at hand. In our case, ones that folded up easily and took up little space were easiest for transitioning from walking to buses and back. We didn't start biking until the youngest was a toddler. But having something that could carry kids and groceries at the same time was good once we started.
3) Find the mother some sort of support group. Having a baby is crazy isolating. Being car free made it a little less isolating because I at least had interactions with people walking down the street and on the bus. And yes, the local drunks knew/know my kids well.

Eta, if health care for the pregnant mother is an issue, there is medicaid available to pregnant women in most states.

Machka 

Suggesting grocery delivery is not an insult. Grocery delivery is useful for anyone who is busy or perhaps unable to get about as easily as they used to.

The OP is a student working toward his doctorate. I'm not sure what his wife and daughter do, but if they are in a similar situation, I know that being a student can be very time consuming. Especially if there's work and/or children involved as well. Grocery delivery can be a time-saving option.

I also know that when a woman becomes pregnant, she may or may not want to continue cycling ... various things go into that decision. If they currently collect their groceries by bicycle, as she gets into the later part of her pregnancy, that might not be an ideal option. Therefore, again, grocery delivery could come in handy.

And as you say, baby supplies can be delivered as well.



As for my suggestion about material and child health centres or community groups or church groups or other support groups ... you never know what's available until you start looking. As rockmom says, " Find the mother some sort of support group".

You can find these support groups by looking at government health sites; at the brochures in a medical clinic; by asking the receptionist at a medical clinic; by getting a week's worth of local newspapers and reading through them ... sometimes support group meetings are listed on a Community page on a Tuesday or something, sometimes they are tucked into little ads here and there or listed in Saturday's classifieds; by reading through the Yellow Pages; or by visiting some local churches to see what kinds of programs they might have available.

These support groups can offer all sorts of help from friendship to baby equipment exchanges to advice ... possibly even assistance with transportation.


It is actually quite eye-opening when a person starts looking at what's available in the way of services out there.

Darth Lefty 

Based on a couple of short experiences traveling with our baby, you get pretty good at quickly strapping the car seat into the taxi (not using the base) and tossing the stroller in the trunk. Drivers don't really want to pick you up, though. I think you should have a car seat that snaps into a stroller ("travel system") even if you don't have a car, it's useful in lots of other ways. I can't recommend the stroller we have, a Graco "Fast Action Fold Sport" 3-wheeler, it's heavy, wide track so it catches its wheels, has a really annoying net fence right in the middle of the cargo bay that has only ever gotten in the way, folds clumsily, and scratches easily. In spite of all that it's been marvelously useful: pram for the early months, bassinet, rocker, portable swing and simultaneous upper back workout, etc.

Darth Lefty 

Someone above mentioned Amazon. They have a service that will automatically order and deliver things on a schedule. It started out as a diaper delivery but people started using it for everything they sell.

More, not at all related to LCF:

It's going to be expensive. There will be a lot of stuff for you to buy. You might not need all of it. But you will need some of it. Registries give you a pretty good checklist.

There is an entire pregnancy/new-mom culture out there that will convince her whatever she is doing is wrong regardless of how hard she tries to do the best thing. Try to help her tune it out. It comes from all directions; we took a childbirth course supported by the hospital where the teacher basically told us only bad people who don't care about baby's health get C-sections.

Oh, by the way, 1 in 3 or more births in the USA are c-sections. Perfectly normal. But it's a major surgery, she will need more recovery time.

Breast feeding is hard work, even harder if trying to do it 100%, and can have complications with age or c-section, and there will be a lot of pressure from both sides to keep it up or give it up (see above). Be supportive of her decisions whichever they are.

The baby can be isolating. We were basically hermits for the first few months before he got his whooping cough vaccine. We told our friends get a TDAP and come see us; they didn't.

Colic doesn't help with the lack of sleep but there's little you can do. We found two camps about treating colic. The crunchy granola doulas and midwives and etc. tell moms it's their fault, they need to eat nothing but some specific grain so their milk is perfectly harmless. Doctors tell you to just put up with it, baby will grow out of it in a few weeks or months. We tried the special formula, it did nothing I could notice.

Binkies attached to stuffed animals are awesome. The bottles with a bladder inside are great. A Bumbo or similar might be more useful than a high chair. Get pajamas with zippers, not buttons.

As soon as baby is big enough, a backpack is great. These are expensive and don't get used for long, just like bike trailers, so shop used. The Osprey version has a "kickstand" that makes a large compartment right where your sleeping bag would go on a frame pack, that's big enough to carry just about anything you need.

Finally, what good is a baby thread without baby pictures?

Untitled by Darth Lefty, on Flickr

I-Like-To-Bike

True. Twins being transported at 9 months old.

MikeRides

OP, if the situation is going to be truly a problem, has the mother considered her options? If your family is truly that bad off financially, it may be wise for her to consider putting it up for adoption. Some adopted parents are willing to cover the medical costs of the mother. However it could be hard to let go once you hold it in your arms for the first time.

On a personal note, I raised my girlfriend's daughter (her biological father was a close friend of mine who was killed in Afghanistan before she was born) on less than minimum wage while her mother was becoming an Army nurse. I have always had a car, and never found them to be overly expensive like many on LCF would portray. I taught myself how to make repairs on the fly (a $30 Haynes manual from the local auto parts store helps greatly) to reduce the costs of maintenance. I'm also a extraordinary safe and defensive driver, so my insurance premiums are lower than average. I've worked up from a soul-sucking $4/hr after taxes factory job to a $30k a year parts manager, never been in debt, own a house in the country(this took me almost 20 years to accomplish but I aimed to buy it outright), pay my taxes every year, didn't have financial assistance once I moved out of my parents' house at 18, and have never needed to go on welfare.

Ekdog

Wow! What a guy! I'm 58 and still freeloadin'. Got my snout firmly placed in dat welfare trough. I love me some food stamps! How do you do without?

Zedoo

A trike with a basket on the back could hold the baby seat and also be the diaper changing station.

I-Like-To-Bike

So would a wheelbarrow, and as a solution for the situation as described in the OP almost as practical. But Glory be, the OP could maintain his LCF status which appears to be the highest priority.

Siu Blue Wind

It looks as though you are both at the opposite ends of the spectrum. It's nice to know that both of you can survive in any way that makes it possible. More power to both of you!

Roody

Check your sarcasm meters people!

Walter S

People have been having babies without cars involved for a LOT longer than with!