Crono

I've got a new found respect for cows.

I out was riding with my friends the a few weeks ago. Usually, when others are lagging, especially after a grueling climb, we wait for the rest of the pack to arrive at the peak before we head off again. Right at the peak of this particular hill were a gang of about 15 of cows just kicking it.

Okay. No big deal, we've handled cows before. Usually they get out of the way and let you pass by.

Not these ones.

So I was lagging behind, and up at the peak I could see both my friends wondering how to get around those damn cows. One of them waved his arms in the air and yelled "YAAA!! YAAA!!" Finally, the group of cows started to move out of the way. My other friend crested over the peak and headed downhill. I was still about 50ft away, inching closer and closer in my granny gear. Feeling bored of waiting, my friend lifted his entire bike inverted in the air and yelled some more, very much like a sand-person would before he knocks you out and starts pilfering your land speeder. Now the cows weren't just frightened, they were aggravated. They stopped moving away and started moving closer instead. My friend did his sand-person impression again. They stopped moving forward, but they didn't move back. Angry moos filled the air. He looked at me "Dude, I think they're pissed, you'd better hurry up." The cows continued to advance, my friend took off.

I finally reached the peak. Instead of taking a quick breather and a sip of water like I usually do, I immediately shifted to my middle ring and hammered downhill after him. The gang of cows stampeded towards us. I glanced quickly over my shoulder. Tons of beef were avalanching down the hillside, a small brown juvenile led the pack. "HOLY CRAP! They're after us! GO! GO! GOOOOOO!!!" I stopped looking back, I knew better than that, it was a lesson I learned in 1st grade when I attempted ride my bmx down the street with my eyes closed (I still have the scar). I concentrated on my form, spinning my cranks and carefully choosing my path down the muddy, rut-infested, and cow-pocked trail. The sounds of hooves squishing mud, not unlike the sound of sex with too much lubricant, eventually dissipated. I glanced again, the brown juvenile was standing on the hillside staring us down as if to say "AND STAY OUT!! MOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

This was definitely a first. The last thing I expected from the cows was them trying to trample us. It was a hard climb, and it seriously took a lot of effort to continue going. If the terrain had been more uphill, or even flat and level, I'm pretty sure I would have been, well um... hamburger.

To celebrate my survival, I ate a a quarter pounder with cheese afterwards.

Anyway, ever since then I've been taking loooong detours around cow packs. Has anyone else experience something similar?

apclassic9

they probably smelled the LAST quarter pounder you ate!.... Seriously, though, you scare something that large, it's time to get out of the way. If you have to go through or near a herd (not a pack), get off your bike some distance away, and walk calmly where you want to go, until you're through them and, again, some distance away.

dminor 

. . . Proving once again that it only takes one bum steer to upset a perfectly good trail ride

Help Im A Noob

lol a quarter pounder with cheese. hehe i wounder if any of there relatives went "away for a little while" a few weeks ago.

JKWITS

Bizarre.

Good story, slightly tempted to call bull**** (another pun, ouch). I have had a fair bit of experience with cows and unless they have a massive pair of balls hanging between their back legs they tend to be scared of everything.

Possibly they link human contact with food so were expecting to get fed. If they are comfortable around people they can also be curious which is why they followed you.

Help Im A Noob

lol cows following ppl

DylanTremblay

Haha that’s actually pretty funny...sorry to laugh at your expense.

Crono

"Tons of beef were avalanching down the hillside"

C'mon, you can't make that stuff up

JagdNeun

You might have violated a sacred cow burial ground. Next time, go the utter way.

Rocket Dawg

I'm from Texas and have crossed a thousand fields with cows in them. I've never seen anything like what has been described.

Few cattle concern me. Brahma Bulls however get all my respect.

Just my opinion.

Chuck

JKWITS

Words out, next time you won't be so lucky

BoSoxYacht

Bad , Bad , Bad .

SpiderMike

+1 on the Brahmas.

AfterThisNap

I think they were just following you, not necessarily stampeding. I've had a herd of cows follow my jeep before for no apparent reason.

greenbreezer

No matter the creature, never cross a mother and her child. I'm willing to bet you and your buddies somehow got yourselves between a cow and her calf. She probably sounded an alarm that the rest of the herd picked up and being that they're all females, well that explains it all, don't it? If you ever go to a park full of moms and their kids happily playing, you can bet that if you even looked at a kid with your eyes crossed the closest mom (even if she's not the real mom of that kid) will make threatening moves to make you back off. Maternal instinct is present in every animal.

Ivan Hanz

You city folk are funny.

Bulls-sometimes scary. Cows-Not.

Drunken Chicken

Haha funny writeup, sounds like a blast.

Blazinall91

that to me was the funniest part, I can hear that damn sound, and damn thats funny

Coyote!

I imagine cows still have that genetic memory of stomping my people into so many Cro-Magnon greasy spots in Central Europe. Before artificial insemination there were LOTS of dairy bulls here and they were the most deadly animal in North America. . .that includes bears and sharks.

Coyote!

I imagine cows still have that genetic memory of stomping my people into so many Cro-Magnon greasy spots in Central Europe. Before artificial insemination there were LOTS of dairy bulls here and they were the most deadly animal in North America. . .that includes bears and sharks.

paednoch

I was raised on a farm.. I have raised hundreds if not thousands of head of cattle. You are a pu$$y for running from the cows. Your story is another reason why I think city folk will die very fast if we are land invaded by a foreign country. I now view you slickers as cannon fodder for us self sustaining country folk. While you are being pilliaged by the enemy we are digging in ...hopfully they use alot of ammo finishing you all off... Of course I am joking.

cryptid01

You've obviously not spent enough time around cows to realize how incredibly STUPID they are. You're giving them way too much credit.

City people are funny.

apclassic9

In defense of cows, versus horses, at least cows don't eat where they've pooped!

Hank Rearden

East Bay cows are just as dumb as cows in other parts of the country but I appreciate your story. Please repeat it to as many other people as you can, especially hikers, so the trails become less crowded at peak times.

I do sympathize with your fear of bovines though. My eight year old son is terrified of them just like you.

https://www.paradigmhosting.net/vid/ohno_cows.wmv

cooker

Did you watch Enemy at the Gates? True story (except for the German sniper). City folk (and a few shepherds) will save your ass!