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  1. #1
    Amish Warrior andrefulci's Avatar
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    The Nastiest Thing That Flew In Your Mouth

    A few weeks back I was riding a local trail. My mouth was partially open and something very large smacked my lower lip pretty hard. Fortunately, it bounced off, but it left me thinking about what could've happened. Was it a bumblebee? Dragonfly? Beetle? I don't know, but I'm glad it didn't end up in my mouth. I kept my mouth shut for the remainder of the ride, and pondered how many unfortunate souls weren't as lucky as me.

    What's the nastiest, biggest, and/or grossest thing that's ever flown into your mouth on a ride?

  2. #2
    Senior Member pyroguy_3's Avatar
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    cow poo. I didn't see the patty, luckily not too fresh, in the middle of the trail and somehow my tire slung it up. I spit it out before I could taste anything though. Nobody likes to eat poo. Okay, some people might...
    Erwin Schroedinger will kill you like a cat in a box. Maybe.

  3. #3
    Retro on steroids Repack Rider's Avatar
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    Last year I was riding my road bike, and some big insect flew into my mouth. I spit it out reflexively, and it hit my arm and stung me, because it was a honeybee.

    Glad it didn't sting me inside my mouth.

    Riding third in a pace line of three riders, and the rider in front of me screamed and veered out of line. Seems that the guy in front of him had farted, and the unfortunate second rider had inhaled the entire gaseous product before it had time to dilute itself with surrounding air.

  4. #4
    SwampFox Little Leo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Repack Rider View Post
    Last year I was riding my road bike, and some big insect flew into my mouth. I spit it out reflexively, and it hit my arm and stung me, because it was a honeybee.

    Glad it didn't sting me inside my mouth.
    Scary thought!

    I had a nice mouthful of nasty pond water, I falling into it it

  5. #5
    Senior Member rankin116's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Repack Rider View Post
    Last year I was riding my road bike, and some big insect flew into my mouth. I spit it out reflexively, and it hit my arm and stung me, because it was a honeybee.

    Glad it didn't sting me inside my mouth.
    I didn't get stung in the mouth, but I was out on the roadie and a bee flew into my stomach and got tangled in my jersey. I got stung right in my gut, and the resulting sting swelled up and ended up being about the size of a silver dollar. That hurt. It was probably a hornet or wasp. I never saw, just felt it.

  6. #6
    Senior Member Ted Danson's Avatar
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    i normally go bike riding at night down by the lake in the summer just so i can ride really fast with my mouth open into the nat fields that fly around..
    Merton Enthusiast

  7. #7
    Banned.
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    Mud doesnt bug me to much, just spit it out and rinse with water lol.
    I had what i thought was a dragonfly a while back hit my mouth.

    ^and yes nats and flies suck.

    I like it when im riding fast and i see a bug of somesort like a be comming at me, i pint my head down and it bounces off my helment LOL, you just hear, Smack!

  8. #8
    Giving you the business. Cypress's Avatar
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    Road bike: It's a tie between a fine mist of rain soaked road crud (oil, metals, rubber dust, deer carcass), and piss. During a stage race, a team mate of mine couldn't hold it, so he went. In front of me. At 48 mph going down a pass.

    Mountain bike: A wasp that flew into my mouth... Stinging my lower lip on the way out.
    Quote Originally Posted by Moderator
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  9. #9
    Senior Member
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    Horse and cow poop. Both have been launched directly into my mouth from the front tire and kicked up on a water bottle or bite valve and I took a drink without noticing.

    On a side note... I now think horses should be required to wear poo catch bags on all multi-use trails.

    I also rode down a big grass hill and through a field on my undergrad campus only to be completely covered by goose turds. I think they're nastier than horse or cow, but none got in my mouth.

  10. #10
    Commited Suicide WannaGetGood's Avatar
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    Bugs.

  11. #11
    ಠ_ಠ DevilsGT2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PhattTyre View Post
    On a side note... I now think horses should be required to wear poo catch bags on all multi-use trails.

    That's a prime idea, especially on multi-use trails.
    Singletrack Mind

  12. #12
    Dismember harov3's Avatar
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    Bugs, delicious bugs.
    Mmmmm...shiney new parts...mmmm

  13. #13
    Ride bike or bike ride? Hopper's Avatar
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    I've crashed into a mud patch that wsa full of liquified cow patties and pesticides and fertillizer, that got into my mouth, damn face plants.

    I've had a bee get into my full face helmet while on a DH run, that was not cool, thankgod for goggles and closed mouth, it only got my neck.

    I work in outback Australia and there are so so so so many flies, you cannot comprehend how many there are. It is a good day if you only eat 2. It's pretty common to have them go up your nose then spit them out of your mouth or in mouth out nose. Either way it isn't the most pleasent experience.
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  14. #14
    Member exaxxion's Avatar
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    This didn't happen while biking (yeah I know a little off topic), but I was halibut fishing in Alaska and ended up with raw fish brains projected into my mouth. This occurred because when a large halibut is caught (like 160 pounds large) the fishing guide will use a *** to kill the fish before it is brought on board. When the guide went to shot this fish, I happened to be leaning over the side rail starring with my mouth agape, and the bullet caused some fish bits to explode in every direction. Long story short, raw fish brains taste pretty damn good

  15. #15
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    dog crap once

    last summah a bee got in my mouth and stung me at the back
    of my mouth. what an experience. I finished riding another 16
    miles with my head throbbing...weird.

    in some strange way I felt
    that all bikers should experience that feeling at least once

  16. #16
    It's not easy being green FatBomber's Avatar
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    Bee.

    Stung me at the back of my throat. I spit out the bug, went home and pulled out the stinger with a pair of tweezers, a mirror and a flashlight.

    My head hurt for a while, but fortunately I'm not allergic.

    Very fortunate.
    Never trust a limping dog or the tears of a woman.

  17. #17
    In search of moar cowbell dminor's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopper View Post
    It's pretty common to have them go up your nose then spit them out of your mouth or in mouth out nose.
    Eewwwwwwwwwww! Back of my mouth tickles just thinking about it.

  18. #18
    DNPAIMFB pinkrobe's Avatar
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    Cow poop FTW. We were riding a trail through ranching country, and the cows must have gotten hold of some bad burritos or something. At first I thought it was just a muddy creek following down the singletrack, but then I took off my sunglasses and looked at the colour - green like grass. It was in our hair, all over our bikes and gear. There wasn't even a pond to jump into at the end. We drove back from the trailhead with all the windows down and our heads outside the car.
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  19. #19
    NCAA - DUAL CHAMPIONS! a2psyklnut's Avatar
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    Squirrel guts.

    On a road ride and was mid-pack when I see a suicidal squirrel dart directly into the guy in front of me's tire. I was covered head to toe is guts. Somebody driving by thought I'd crashed because I was bloody.
    "Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming, "WOW, What a Ride!" - unknown
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  20. #20
    POWERCRANK addict markhr's Avatar
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    Bee, which stung, causing a massive lower lip and left side of face. I was the butt of many jokes at school the next day (and that week).
    shameless POWERCRANK plug
    Recommended reading for all cyclists - Cyclecraft - Effective Cycling
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    Don't run red lights, wear a helmet, use hand signals, get some cycle lights(front and rear) and, FFS, don't run red lights!

  21. #21
    Senior Member
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    These stories are hilarious! Thankfully nothing more than bugs in my mouth so far. True story... was on a paved biking trail one day and some a-hole was drafting off me forever... he was really ticking me off, so I blew my nose really hard, one nostril style, I'm sure he got a mouthful, because he dropped way back after that! HAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

  22. #22
    Hey guyz? Guyz? Wait up!! Siu Blue Wind's Avatar
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    Jon hocking a loogie on the wrong side and getting me. YESINTHEMOUTH. That was hella nasty.
    Quote Originally Posted by Buddha
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    Please dont outsmart the censor. That is a very expensive censor and every time one of you guys outsmart it it makes someone at the home office feel bad. We dont wanna do that. So dont cleverly disguise bad words.

  23. #23
    BFG
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    Just say no to brakes. BFG's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopper View Post
    I've crashed into a mud patch that wsa full of liquified cow patties and pesticides and fertillizer, that got into my mouth, damn face plants.

    I've had a bee get into my full face helmet while on a DH run, that was not cool, thankgod for goggles and closed mouth, it only got my neck.

    I work in outback Australia and there are so so so so many flies, you cannot comprehend how many there are. It is a good day if you only eat 2. It's pretty common to have them go up your nose then spit them out of your mouth or in mouth out nose. Either way it isn't the most pleasent experience.
    I had a bull ant crawl into my nether regions once down a run. Crap! It hurt, and left a little red mark for about 3 weeks. Should have started a thread.

    Mind if i ask where you work in said outback? I agree on the flies too. It might be your average outback local attracting them, but thats just my opinion.

  24. #24
    Dirt Bomb sknhgy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Repack Rider View Post
    Riding third in a pace line of three riders, and the rider in front of me screamed and veered out of line. Seems that the guy in front of him had farted, and the unfortunate second rider had inhaled the entire gaseous product before it had time to dilute itself with surrounding air.
    I don't see how people can ride the back of a tandem.
    more cops have been killed by donuts than guns in chicago it is a medical fact ask any doctor.

  25. #25
    Senior Member acupuncture Doc's Avatar
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    This is hilarious !!! I just cross-posted this in the touring bike forums, there must be a good story or three there.

    thanks to andrefulci for this amusing thread!!

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