Here is an overview of the situation I'm faced with- of course I think my position is a legitimate one but maybe some of you can weigh in on weather I'm being an @$%hole or not...
I am an avid "recreational" cyclist. I try to do at least 60 miles a week, mostly on local greenway trails. I often ride by myself but I have a few friends who come ride with me and a few times a month my wife rides with me as well. I'm not in stellar shape but I do okay for myself. My wife is not in as good of shape as i am in and because she is VERY sedimentary in her choice of lifestyle and only rides 2-3 times a month rather than 2-3 times a week she is also much slower than i am. When we ride together on the greenway trails i always ride slower to stay with her so she doesn't end up riding alone.
Here is the problem-
I, along with 2 mutual friends of ours wanted to sign up for a 60K charity ride this weekend in NC. Of the 2 friends, one is a former bike shop mechanic who raced road and mountain bikes up until a few years ago and is in excellent shape, his girlfriend is similar to me in ability level. She isn't "hardcore" but she can ride a bike at a reasonable pace for 60K without problems.
My wife decided that because the three of us were going, that she wanted to go as well. Fair enough I thought- we decided to do the ride at the beginning of February so I bought my wife a new bike (she was riding a comfort bike, i got her a much nicer hybrid bike) and told her in no uncertain terms that she needed to start training for the ride. My plea's fell on deaf ears. She only went and rode with me about 4 times in the two months leading up to the ride.
Yesterday we showed up at the ride with about 400 other people. Within about 3 miles, my wife and I were so far behind everyone else that the only other bikes I saw were people changing flat tires on the side of the road. The ride ended early because of a massive thunderstorm so we only rode about 20K of the 60K we were planning but as an indicator of how slow we went, several people had completed the 40K loop before we completed our 20K. (people were finishing the 60K loop by the time we got dry clothes on)
My problem is that I am really upset about this. I worked hard and went on rides every week even when it was cold or I had "better things to do" but then on the day of the ride I had to ride in literally last place to keep her company because she was too lazy to train or prepare for the ride. I had told her several times that the ride was important to me and that if she couldn't dedicate the time to preparing for it that she shouldn't go but she insisted that "she would be fine". My friends seemed to have a great time meeting several cyclists and enjoying "being a part of the pack". My ride was miserable and I wished I had not wasted my time showing up for it.
I told my wife how I felt and I think she kind of felt bad, but i feel almost certain that the next time i try to sign up for one of these rides she will want to "try again" to "prove she can do better". I will still ride the local greenways with her a couple times a month but I really don't want to go on another longer-distance charity ride with her.
Am I being a jerk or do I have a right to be upset? If she tries to invite herself along on a future ride should I just tell her no?
I posted this here because it is a "family" issue about "recreational cycling".