Thunder Dan

Each day on my 12 mile commute to work, I travel over about 2 miles of a local MUP that bisects the angle of the two main roads that lead to my destination (see professionally rendered map below). These 2 miles are always hopelessly rife with frustration and hand wringing as I struggle to cope with the rambling mass of brain dead peds. The MUP, about 10 feet wide, is (in theory, not in practice) pretty well laid out and includes a dedicated uni-directional bike lane that takes up about a third of its total width. Each morning I ride the lane in the correct direction and do my best to keep as far over as possible. Each morning it never fails that some hoard of middle aged women, pony tails swinging side to side in sync with their wagging hips and flapping gums, trot four abreast in the bike lane leaving the ped path void of traffic. Each morning I give a friendly but loud “on your right” to alert them to the fact they’re encroaching on cyclist turf and, every morning, these same pony-tailed adorned skulls come whipping around bearing a look on their face like they’ve just caught me sodomizing their 11 year old. On those really special occasions I am met with a heart-filled “ahole!” or an alarmed “Jebus Christ!”, to which I merrily respond “it’s a bike lane, dipshti!”.

A new phenomenon has been introduced to the bike path as of late in that there seems to be a preponderance of peds accompanied by their canine pals. Now don’t get me wrong, I love dogs and, as a dog lover, I feel it’s a responsible owner’s duty to ensure their dog doesn’t pose a safety risk to itself or others. Besides the mild frustration of having to dodge our furry friends’ ‘leavings’ whose less fastidious owner’s couldn’t be bothered to collect, I have now become accustomed to dodging the beasts themselves as they range, unleashed, into two-wheeled territory. I handle their owners much like I handle any other imbecile ped and deliver a friendly “there’s leash laws for a reason, *****pipe!”. Unfortunately, however, it would appear that my wisdom has went unheeded as is apparent in the episode in which I was involved in on this particular morning.

I was coasting towards the exit of my beloved MUP, breathing a sigh of relief at having survived yet another morning of assured peril when all of a sudden a ped and his dog appear from around the corner. I quickly realize that this particular German Sheppard was moving towards me at an astonishing rate, unbound by any sort of tether. Even more quickly I realize that this dog had every intention of gnawing on our narrator’s god-like pistons. As its jaws almost inevitably locked around my leg I was able to unclip and deliver a swift and authoritative shove to its right shoulder with my foot. Instantly confronted by a feeling of pity for what I had to do to this poor animal as a result of its owner’s negligence, I shout at the offending ignoramus that he better get his shti in order lest his companion someday engage a less sympathetic soul. The guy saunters off clearly embarrassed, so much so that he fails to even respond.

As my local MUP’s judicature, I feel personal responsibility for the enlightenment of my dull witted fellow users. It would seem, however, that despite my best efforts I’m clearly just not getting through to them.

d2create

lol, love it.

StephenH

From the map, looks like you could just ride on the road.

RazorWind

Your post made me smile. I can't really make any suggestions other than "Airzounds are your friends" but that was well written (but not necessarily well spelled), and as a computer cartography expert (seriously), I must commend you for your meticulously crafted map.

Spongy

King Solomon could not have adjudicated more wisely

2manybikes

Complain to the police and get the idiot owners prosecuted. What has worked for me, for many similar situations, is pretend or really take photos of the offenders. Even if you just pretend and make sure they think you took a photo, some will never return to the area. Tell them you did, or really take, evidence photos of what they did. Be sure to tell them why and what you are doing if it is not obvious.
It has worked so well for me that I never had to take it any further.

Thunder Dan

I'm afraid that the inherent geometrical complexities of my map may have confounded you, as you will see that the line I take bisects the angle between the two main roads, thusly making my route slightly shorter. I don't have to ride that whole loop...just the shortest portion that runs between the two main roads. This is not to mention that the intersection between those two main roads is the most terrifyingly hellacious example of needless complexity in road engineering known to man.

Thunder Dan

Good idea. I've also considered getting all Singaporean on them and administering daily public lashings with a frame pump. Problem is, my choice of beating implement would automatically render me a Fred.

Thunder Dan

Thank you. My survey crew is still a little wet behind the ears, which might account for the small margin of error you may have noticed.

Tulex

Looks like Google maps is getting a run for the money.

HigherGround

Just ride it as if you were riding the cobbles at Paris-Roubaix: enter the sector at full speed, turn a slightly bigger gear, keep a firm yet relaxed grip on the handlebars, and bounce over any obstacles in your path. You may want to add a second layer of handlebar tape in case a professional dog walker brings a pack of chihuahuas.

Thunder Dan

You should see the search engine algorithm I'm working on.

Thunder Dan

Better yet, I should look into getting Specialized's '09 Canis.

TromboneAl

Use your considerable literary skills to craft a note similar to your post above. Be sure to include diagrams with circles and arrows showing how part of the path is for bikes only. Add graphic details like this:



Drop this by the offending hoards as you pass and say "This is for YOU."

The same people tend to walk on this MUPs at the same time of day, perhaps you can convince a few of them to "get off the lawn."

Thunder Dan

I hear ya dude, but unfortunately therein lies the problem - the seemingly elegant simplicity of combining succinct phrases and universal iconography seems to elude these people. Painted every 50 feet or so are the words "Bike Path" with a small bicycle icon and an arrow indicating the proper direction of travel. Apparently this serves to do nothing more than to befuddle the average MUP user as they strive to contemplate what sort of dairy topping they’ll have on the Apple Caramel Macchiato they’re going to treat themselves to after wrapping up their calorie inferno of a 3 mile walk.

thirdin77

Assuming there is any seriousness to this post:

Can you just pass them on the pedestrian portion of the path? If you can, why don't you do it?

It sounds like others don't differentiate between the "pedestrian" and "bike" portions of the path, so why should you?

When I pass a pedestrian on my MUP, I just slow down while passing them and then I get speed back up to my previous pace.

Thunder Dan

Believe it or not, there is in fact an element of seriousness in this post. I have and still do occasionally pass on the part of the path reserved for peds. However, my fear is that one day a member of the pack may stray off as I go to pass, leading to an unfortunate cyclist/numbskull encounter. I feel that if anything of a judicial nature were to ensue (outside of me delivering my daily frame pump brand of justice) that I’d actually have a leg to stand on if I were following the rules.

skijor

+1

Plan A: The 'polite' approach didn't work sooooh....
Plan B: 140db air horn day after day to escalate everyone's blood pressure?...and entertain you.
FWIW, Jack Russells can boing really high. How would I know this?
Plan C: Take your Harley with straight pipes down the path

SlimAgainSoon

chasem

There's no angle bisecting going on anywhere in this thread.

Thunder Dan

C'mon, I have an image to uphold here.

Thunder Dan

So you want to get technical, do ya?



Boo-yah, I can bring it all day long. Next time I'll snap your protractor in half.

DScott

Some things never go out of style. Bring back jousting:






And for the little ones you can't quite reach:

StephenH

You are correct, the complexities of the map did in fact confound me. Assuming it is properly drawn to scale, the "shortcut" route is in fact about 2% shorter than the road route. You should stick to the MUP and deal with it.

Thunder Dan

In may suprise you to learn that my map is, much to everyone's disappointment, not to scale. I guess something must have happened to my GPS plotting points when I tried to upload them to MS Paint.