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  1. #1
    Senior Member
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    What do you do when you have to fart in a pace line?

    Do you wiggle your elbow and move to the back? Do you let loose and hope noone can determine the origin of the unholiness? Do you call it out? Or is it an accepted risk of riding in a group (like crashing)?

  2. #2
    I'm Carbon Curious 531phile's Avatar
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    Keep your drivetrain really noisy, they won't be able to hear it. If you are going fast, no one will know smell wise. Good thought provoking question.

    Quote Originally Posted by avner View Post
    I loled. Twice. Then I cried. Then I rubbed one out and cried again, but thanks for sharing.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Mike F's Avatar
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    Point your index finger to the rider next to you and yell "pull!". A simple "fire in the hole" will suffice also.

  4. #4
    Senior Member abstractform20's Avatar
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    farts are greatly appreciated as long as the other riders are talented and experienced. at the precise moment of release, a vacuum is formed. this is the optimal time for the rider behind you to get as aero as possible and "ride the brown rhino". his face should be within 2-3mm of the anus to receive maximum benefit (reduced drag...duh, its in a vacuum). i have hit speeds of over 53mph in such conditions.

  5. #5
    noob Brimstone_'s Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abstractform20 View Post
    "ride the brown rhino"
    "It never gets easier, you just go faster."
    Greg LeMond

    http://twitter.com/Eric_ManUtd

  6. #6
    Senior Member snowman40's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by abstractform20 View Post
    farts are greatly appreciated as long as the other riders are talented and experienced. at the precise moment of release, a vacuum is formed. this is the optimal time for the rider behind you to get as aero as possible and "ride the brown rhino". his face should be within 2-3mm of the anus to receive maximum benefit (reduced drag...duh, its in a vacuum). i have hit speeds of over 53mph in such conditions.
    Thank you for the updated signature....
    Quote Originally Posted by snowman40
    If you must speed up to pass me, you don't deserve to pass me
    Quote Originally Posted by abstractform20 View Post
    farts are greatly appreciated as long as the other riders are talented and experienced. at the precise moment of release, a vacuum is formed. this is the optimal time for the rider behind you to get as aero as possible and "ride the brown rhino". his face should be within 2-3mm of the anus to receive maximum benefit (reduced drag...duh, its in a vacuum). i have hit speeds of over 53mph in such conditions.

  7. #7
    In beaurocratic limbo urbanknight's Avatar
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    Unless you're a paceline of freds, you're going fast enough that nobody will smell it anyway.
    "Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want... Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about." (Richard Dreyfus as Glenn Holland)

  8. #8
    In beaurocratic limbo urbanknight's Avatar
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    Oh, and anyone still have that Bicycling Magazine article from the early 90's on flatulence? It was useful information on diet and activities, but they made a point to use a different term for it every time, starting with passing gas and ending with terms like "barking spider" and "stepping on a duck". It was a riot!
    "Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want... Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about." (Richard Dreyfus as Glenn Holland)

  9. #9
    Packfodding 3 caloso's Avatar
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    Are you kidding me? I save them up for group rides.
    Cyclists of the world, unite! You have nothing to lube but your chains!

  10. #10
    Lance Legweak HIPCHIP's Avatar
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    Passing gas is a No No under all circumstances as it provides an assist to forward acceleration (jet blast). This is as bad as having the electric motor hidden in your BB30!

  11. #11
    Gluteus Enormus mmmdonuts's Avatar
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    I wouldn't know.
    Everybody's got plans... until they get hit.
    - Mike Tyson

  12. #12
    Senior Member zitter's Avatar
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    I farted at the start line once and it was pretty rancid but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I redeemed myself by winning.

  13. #13
    Senior Member Nachoman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zitter View Post
    I farted at the start line once and it was pretty rancid but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. I redeemed myself by winning.
    smelliest fart contest?
    .
    .

    Two wheels good. Four wheels bad.

  14. #14
    Packfodding 3 caloso's Avatar
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    Hey, until the UCI bans it....

    Cyclists of the world, unite! You have nothing to lube but your chains!

  15. #15
    Senior Member zitter's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Nachoman View Post
    smelliest fart contest?
    With a name like Nachoman, I think you'll win by default.

  16. #16
    C3 H6 O3 ACID jasandalb's Avatar
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    Let 'er rip and use it to boost yourself to the front to pull
    OR
    Let 'er rip and then stare at the guy next to you with a gross look on your face
    OR
    Let 'er rip and then quickly stare at your chain and rear derailuer like they made the noise
    OR
    Let 'er rip and then ask if anyone has any chamois cream you could borrow

  17. #17
    Unobtanium-Based Lifeform calamarichris's Avatar
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    Just make doubly sure it's all gas and not liquid, so you don't end up stewing in your own mess like Stain DeVolder here...

  18. #18
    Stand and Deliver FLvector's Avatar
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    ^^^ Too bad he wasn't riding a Liquigas kit.

  19. #19
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    Let it fly and point to the guy in front of you.

  20. #20
    Senior Member Trailblazer3's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by flvector View Post
    ^^^ too bad he wasn't riding a liquigas kit.
    lol

  21. #21
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    I thought that was what split saddles were for, so air biscuits are propelled downward out of nose level.
    Last edited by toddbiker; 05-10-11 at 03:10 PM.

  22. #22
    Senior Member bigbadwullf's Avatar
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    Blame the dog...

    http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt...S/exercise.png

    2012 Specialized Tarmac Elite Rival Mid Compact
    2007 Cannondale Caffeine 29er Lefty. Crank Bros pedals, wireless cateye. Specialized body geometric seat(uh, saddle)

  23. #23
    Senior Member Steev's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by calamarichris View Post
    Just make doubly sure it's all gas and not liquid, so you don't end up stewing in your own mess like Stain DeVolder here...
    Except that was Tom Boonen.

  24. #24
    Unobtanium-Based Lifeform calamarichris's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Steev View Post
    Except that was Tom Boonen.
    Hate to spoonfeed my jokes here but his teammate's name isn't spelled "Stain" either.

  25. #25
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    Thanks for the replies, I also have a tough time farting in the saddle as the area is too small so velocity increases uncomfortably per Q=VA so I guess I'll yell "standing!" next time.

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