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Road Cycling “It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle.” -- Ernest Hemingway

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Old 12-13-04, 11:37 AM   #1
jdonzella
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husband addicted to cycling

I don't get it. My husband spends more time with his bike than he does me. I have gone out of my way to show interest in the sport, and even ride a tandem with him once or twice a week in warm weather. How can I get him to care about me more and the bike less?
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Old 12-13-04, 11:43 AM   #2
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Well, there's the obvious answer.

But beyond that, I commend you for trying. He should appreciate that and make time. If he doesn't he's an idiot. Lose him! There's more to life than cycling.
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Old 12-13-04, 11:46 AM   #3
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Drop him.
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Old 12-13-04, 11:51 AM   #4
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No disrespect intended... how's your relationship overall? If a man is not feeling like he's being "heard" in his marriage, his interests will go elsewhere, to a sport, activity, or other women.

Your husband spending more time on the bike than with you is the outward manifestation of very complex interactions and history between you two. There probably won't be anyone here who can suggest a quick-fix cure for you two.

Counseling would be a start.

The tone of your posting suggests somewhat of an accounting mentality toward your relationship. "I spend time on a tandem, therefore I should get something in return". "How can I get him to" displays a desire to control the other person.

If you keep going in that direction, you're headed for the rocks, believe me.

Strategic thinking and preservation of self-interest are no substitute for the selfless love that is required as the bedrock of marriage.
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Old 12-13-04, 12:13 PM   #5
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Strategic thinking and preservation of self-interest are no substitute for the selfless love that is required as the bedrock of marriage.
Damn...wish I had known that...
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Old 12-13-04, 12:25 PM   #6
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Wear a carbon fiber teddy?
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Old 12-13-04, 12:29 PM   #7
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I like the carbon teddy idea... trying to picture it now
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Old 12-13-04, 12:38 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdonzella
I don't get it. My husband spends more time with his bike than he does me. I have gone out of my way to show interest in the sport, and even ride a tandem with him once or twice a week in warm weather. How can I get him to care about me more and the bike less?
Sorry posters, if you think cf is ever going to beat silk, satin and nylon, you're seriously sick puppies. If either you or your husband spent more time in any of the aforementioned materials (at the same time!), life could be a lot more interesting...now log off and get busy!
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Old 12-13-04, 01:05 PM   #9
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Cycling can take up a lot of time. This might be a perception problem. How much time he spending and how much is too much? A couple of hours a week? Per night? That said, it shouldn't prevent him from paying attention to you during the rest of his time. I'm thinking that there's something else going on, not just the bike riding.
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Old 12-13-04, 01:06 PM   #10
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hummm.....so many ways to see this problem with so little information.

For me, I need a certain amount of time to myself to keep me mentally happy. I like riding with my wife but she doesn't ride at my speed so I need time riding at a speed I enjoy. I also have other sports that take up time. My wife is OK with this (well...most of the time) so long as I pay her enough quality attention and am a happy person to be around. She needs her own time too so this works for us.

Do you have a real interest in cycling? If yes, then maybe you need to ride with other women rather than expecting your him to ride with you. If no, then you need some interests of your own to fill your time and make yourself more happy. If you want him to spend all his time only with you, then you're not helping and may be smothering him too much.

In closing....one of the best things about my wife is that she says she is my biggest fan. She always seems to cheer me own in my sports and takes part in the overall lifestyle that this brings to our life. IOW, she sees it as a healthy thing in our relationship rather than a hinderance.

Now on to the more serious relationship problems.....like farting in bed.


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Old 12-13-04, 02:16 PM   #11
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This marital issue can only be overcome with a full commitment…. to a tandem!!! That’s right ladies and gentiles…

She wants more time with him… he wants to ride… two birds whacked with one purchase!

Pack a blanket……!
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Old 12-13-04, 02:25 PM   #12
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It would be just as annoying if it were his car, a computer, or even his job. He needs to decide where his real relationships are.
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Old 12-13-04, 02:39 PM   #13
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wabbit...

maybe your signature should read 'bikes will get you through times of no women better than women will get you through times of no bikes'????
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Old 12-13-04, 02:47 PM   #14
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Bottomless BIB shorts!
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Old 12-13-04, 03:13 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdonzella
I don't get it. My husband spends more time with his bike than he does me. I have gone out of my way to show interest in the sport, and even ride a tandem with him once or twice a week in warm weather. How can I get him to care about me more and the bike less?

As a husband who hears the same thing from my wife, I seriously don't have an answer to that. Sometimes things are bad because I am stretched in all different directions as a result of trying to meet her demands, career demands, and my fitness goals. I feel like I am constantly asked to sacrifice one for the others even though I try to pay appropriate attention to all of them.

Perhaps "me or the bike?" is the wrong question altogether? I mean, shouldn't one persue interests besides work and the relationship?
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Old 12-13-04, 03:27 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jdonzella
I don't get it. My husband spends more time with his bike than he does me. I have gone out of my way to show interest in the sport, and even ride a tandem with him once or twice a week in warm weather. How can I get him to care about me more and the bike less?
I ride a fair amount. I work 50 hours/week, sometimes more. Additionally, I handle a goodly number of the household chores and spend every night and weekend at home, unless I slip in the occasional longer ride on the weekends, but never gone for more than 4 hours. Sound pretty good to you? 50% of my life devoted to my family and wife? And here's the kicker: I am a non-insulin dependent diabetic who has kept his blood sugar in great shape with exercise for the last 20+ years. So...I couldn't stop unless I wanted to have issues with my health (45 now). Seems like a balanced life to me, but my wife has never liked my riding. So, maybe you can answer this question for me (and she wouldn't ride a tandem if her life depended on it), "what's up with that?"

Thanks,

Z

he hate me
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Old 12-13-04, 03:28 PM   #17
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Bottomless BIB shorts!
Uh, crotchless bib shorts....
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Old 12-13-04, 03:36 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kf5nd
No disrespect intended... how's your relationship overall? If a man is not feeling like he's being "heard" in his marriage, his interests will go elsewhere, to a sport, activity, or other women.

Your husband spending more time on the bike than with you is the outward manifestation of very complex interactions and history between you two. There probably won't be anyone here who can suggest a quick-fix cure for you two.

Counseling would be a start.

The tone of your posting suggests somewhat of an accounting mentality toward your relationship. "I spend time on a tandem, therefore I should get something in return". "How can I get him to" displays a desire to control the other person.

If you keep going in that direction, you're headed for the rocks, believe me.

Strategic thinking and preservation of self-interest are no substitute for the selfless love that is required as the bedrock of marriage.
Sincerely Dear Abby (sorry I couldn't help it)
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Old 12-13-04, 03:39 PM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kf5nd
No disrespect intended... how's your relationship overall? If a man is not feeling like he's being "heard" in his marriage, his interests will go elsewhere, to a sport, activity, or other women.

Your husband spending more time on the bike than with you is the outward manifestation of very complex interactions and history between you two. There probably won't be anyone here who can suggest a quick-fix cure for you two.

Counseling would be a start.

The tone of your posting suggests somewhat of an accounting mentality toward your relationship. "I spend time on a tandem, therefore I should get something in return". "How can I get him to" displays a desire to control the other person.

If you keep going in that direction, you're headed for the rocks, believe me.

Strategic thinking and preservation of self-interest are no substitute for the selfless love that is required as the bedrock of marriage.
Been there, done that, seen that. Me and my g/f talked it through and now we are back on track again.
I couldnt have said it better then kf5nd does.
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Old 12-13-04, 03:39 PM   #20
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I started riding 50 miles a day to get away from my wife who is now my x.. and I havent been happier Now I have about 10 girlfriends .. but I have to give them up because I met my twin flame and forever lover who also is addicted to excersive like I am
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Old 12-13-04, 03:41 PM   #21
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My wife started cycling a few years back because I enjoyed it so much. (during her peak, was averaging 100+ miles per week) I make it a point to get involved with things she likes doing as well. (I've taken dancing, acting, and singing lessons to understand what the other is doing) We try to get involved with things that are important to the other. We'll make it a habit to have lunch once or twice a month during my busy work schedule.

Then when we do have spare time, we make sure we spend as much time together as possible. We've been married for 16 years with that formula.

I like to think I'm now riding out of necessity for reasons similar to those stated by Zensuit. I'd venture that my cycling is less expensive than hypertension and cholesterol medications.
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Old 12-13-04, 03:45 PM   #22
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wow ... singing
cool dude ..But doesent that effect your riding and stuff ? all those other activities ?? After riding my butt off all day I just like sit home a chill with my friend grey goose who doesent talk much but helps me sleep
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Old 12-13-04, 03:51 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by jarhead#42
I started riding 50 miles a day to get away from my wife who is now my x.. and I havent been happier Now I have about 10 girlfriends .. but I have to give them up because I met my twin flame and forever lover who also is addicted to excersive like I am
jar
Ditto, I just splitted up with my s/o of three years just because we're so different, I'm very active, she's not, she resented me for it, now I feel liberated I can do what I want, whenever I want it w/o feeling guilty!
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My next girld will have to be someone with the same or close interest.
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Old 12-13-04, 04:25 PM   #24
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Convince him to stay home and spend more time around the house.
Then when he gets addicted to cheeseburgers instead, he'll be in disgusting health while spending time with you.
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Old 12-13-04, 04:33 PM   #25
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What does your gut instinct tell you to do? Why do you think that the advice of fellow bike riders will answer your question…Another suggestion might be to find a hobby of your own and when he goes to his bike, you dedicate your time to your new found hobby.
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