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  1. Replies
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    Plans to serve rumaki at his funeral in the hopes...

    Plans to serve rumaki at his funeral in the hopes that people will show up.
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    His 'interpretative dance' is often confused for...

    His 'interpretative dance' is often confused for a spastic fit.
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    Being ironborn, now refers to himself as Dynodonn...

    Being ironborn, now refers to himself as Dynodonn Greyjoy.
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    Often says, with a ribald wink and a leer:...

    Often says, with a ribald wink and a leer: 'Snorking? Is that what the kids are calling it these days?'.
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    Wonders why the membership of his Krispy Kreme...

    Wonders why the membership of his Krispy Kreme Klub is overwhelmingly Caucasian.
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    After years of careful design and buying an...

    After years of careful design and buying an incredible amount of PVC pipe, has completely redesigned his home plumbing such that there is an elbow every six inches.
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    By plying his 'companions' with copious amounts...

    By plying his 'companions' with copious amounts of alcohol, he hopes they don't notice that the carpets and the drapes don't match.
  8. Replies
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    Has a lifetime supply of Loafer Lightener and...

    Has a lifetime supply of Loafer Lightener and Mincing Gel.
  9. Replies
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    His urethra clenches every time he hears the word...

    His urethra clenches every time he hears the word 'candiru'.
  10. Replies
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    Wishes he was Carly Simon's sweater. From that...

    Wishes he was Carly Simon's sweater. From that album cover. You know which one.
  11. Replies
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    Has horrible burn scars from setting himself on...

    Has horrible burn scars from setting himself on fire from waving around his lighter during 'Freebird'.
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    Is definitely counting the leap second as part of...

    Is definitely counting the leap second as part of his 'hang time' with Mrs. Skijor.
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    Feels protected against all sorts of pests with...

    Feels protected against all sorts of pests with his new flea and tick collar.
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    Wanders the streets calling out for unguent.

    Wanders the streets calling out for unguent.
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    Demands to be addressed as the Imp.

    Demands to be addressed as the Imp.
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    Spends every moment on the computer, embroiled in...

    Spends every moment on the computer, embroiled in a furious eBay bidding war for Caitlyn Jenner's sports bra.
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    Eagerly awaits Christmas, because that is when...

    Eagerly awaits Christmas, because that is when the kids give him two new tennis balls to put on the legs of his walker.
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    Remembers that brief shining moment back in the...

    Remembers that brief shining moment back in the 60's, when he was a member of the counterculture. Even today, you cannot get him to shut up about 'Hippy Hour'.
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    We have done it twice, and were satisfied both...

    We have done it twice, and were satisfied both times. The most recent purchase was in 2012.
  20. Replies
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    Wonders if he is Badenov for this forum.

    Wonders if he is Badenov for this forum.
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    20 bizarre new ICD-10 codes | Medical Economics...

    20 bizarre new ICD-10 codes | Medical Economics

    Due to his concern over # 11, has his head on a swivel while at the beach.
  22. Replies
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    Wonders if he should be the first customer at...

    Wonders if he should be the first customer at Ahsposo's Body Sugaring Salon.
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    Is slowly coming to a conclusion as to causation...

    Is slowly coming to a conclusion as to causation between triggering the tripwire and ending up suspended from the ceiling in a giant net. More experiments are needed.
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    Hangs around the casinos offering to 'Polish your...

    Hangs around the casinos offering to 'Polish your chips, Guv'nor?' in a lovable Cockney accent.
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    Was banned from the classiest casino in town...

    Was banned from the classiest casino in town after he confused all you can eat 'buffet' with 'bidet'.
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