Got to love those blonde jokes!

[MsVicki]

Norman and his wife live in Calgary. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snow plow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 10 to 12 centimeters of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snow plow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 12 to 14 centimeters of snow today. You must park......" then the electric power goes out.

Norman's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Oh, no! I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all of us men who are married to blondes exhibit, Norman says, "Honey, why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

[TrekRider]

A blond CPA was bummed out with her life and decided she needed change.

So she dyed her hair brunette and moved to the country. She had never been out of the city before and was thrilled with everything. On her first day driving to her new job, she saw a herd of animals and thought they were beautiful. She stopped and asked the man tending them what they were. He said they were sheep. She said she just had to have one.

The sheep herder said "If you can guess how many I have, you can have your pick." The CPA was really no dummy when it came to numbers. She surveyed the flock and guessed exactly right. She picked the one she liked and put it in her car.

The sheep herder then asked "If I guess your natural hair color, can I have my dog back?"

[Chris L]

How can you tell when a blonde has been at your computer?





































Liquid paper on the monitor.

[MsVicki]

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out.

The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blond replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally, a smart blonde joke!!!!

[Chris L]

They made a beer ad out of that one out here.

[MsVicki]

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn, she rolled the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature".

Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

[Chris L]

What's the first thing a blonde says when she wakes up in the morning?


"Are you all on the same football team?"

[MsVicki]

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at stares him down for a moment. Then, suddenly, she's overcome with grief, so she puts the gun up to the side her head.

Her boyfriend screams, "Honey, don't do it..."

The blonde yells back, "Shut up! You're next!"

[MsVicki]

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll down...

















































Scroll up...

[MsVicki]

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss, concerned about his employee's well being, asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

"I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Why don't you go home for the day... we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off to relax and rest."

The blonde very calmly explains, "No, I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. "If you need anything, just let me know," he says.

A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out over his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically. He rushes out to her, and asks, "Are you going to be okay? Is there anything I can do to help?"

"No," replies the blonde, "I just got a call from my sister, and she said that HER mom died too!"

[Chris L]

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll down...


<snip>

Scroll up...

[miamijim]

What do blondes and turtles have in common?




When you get them on their backs.....they're both F...d

[Chris L]

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in London.

The Brunette team rides on the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realises she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs.

She decides to get up and investigate. When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asks, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes looks up at her, swallows hard and says, "YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!

[Allister]

A blonde comes home one day to find her husband banging another woman.

"Billy, what are you doing?!" she cries.

Billy looks at his lover and says "See. I told you she was stupid."

[Ice Blue]

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me, I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out
how to get it started.
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these
pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed,
...let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box."

[MsVicki]

How does a blonde print her email?

[Chris L]

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant with twins.

How do you get a blonde to marry you?
Tell her she's pregnant. You know what she'll say after that? Is it mine?

Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find the eleven on the phone.

Why do blondes put rulers on their foreheads?
They want to measure their intelligence.

Why do blondes stand under light bulbs?
It's the closest they'll come to a bright idea.

Why do blonde nurses bring red magic markers to work?
In case they have to draw blood.

[Chris L]

Judi, a blonde, was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped
you."

She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed,
Judi -- the Blonde."

Judi then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. (Duh).

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Judi opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow Blonde?"

[jacob]

the parent then proceeded to call 9*#11#*911 and tell the kid when he arrived at his home that hmm since you are blonde too we will all get a haircut, nay, a total head shaving!

Jacob

[megaman]

Blondes and Football

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind the bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she said, "especially the really tight pants and all of the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What on earth do you mean?"
"Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: "Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!"

[Lady Jane]

A blonde was having sharp pains in her side. The doctor examined her and said, ''You have acute appendicitis.''

The blond yelled at the doctor...''I came here to get medical help, not get a stupid compliment!!''

[turtle]

A Guy sitting at the bar turns to his friend and announces: "Man! I've got this great Blonde joke to tell you!" He feels a tap on his shoulder and turns round.

A Blonde woman stands behind him, hands on hips and says "Before you tell that joke, I'd like to point out that I'm Blonde and hold a Black Belt in Shotokan Karate. My friend sitting beside me is also Blonde and she's the Hungarian Female Powerlifting Champion."

The man looks over at the friend who could easily be the Hulk's little sister. The Blonde continues... "The Barmaid over there is Blonde and she keeps a Colt 45 tucked into her waist. That Blonde woman behind your friend is just out of jail for multiple homocides. The Blonde woman to my left is Australian Crocodile wrestling champion and the Blonde who's just come in is undisputed Batamweight World Boxing Champion. So before you continue... are you SURE you want to tell your Blonde joke?!?"


**Long Pause**


The man turns to his friend and shakes his head. "Not if I'm going to have to repeat it 6 times!!!"

[JuicyJCEY]

Well, I don't alternate side park my car...however, my neighbor (dark-haired
one at that seems to move her car many times during a snowstorm.
She doesn't like parking her car in their three car garage. Its just her and her husband with the dogs. She commented that its gets a little damp in the garage
during the winter season. I would just "suck it up" and park to avoid all the
headaches. What do you think???
I am sure people may think I'm an airhead...a natural sun-tanned beach...
you guess the rest..... I liked that joke....please send me another.
Juicy

[MsVicki]

Inventions by Blondes


1. The water-proof towel
2. Glow in the dark sunglasses
3. Solar powered flashlights
4. Submarine screen doors
5. A book on how to read
6. Inflatable dart boards
7. A dictionary index
8. Mechanical Pencil sharpeners
9. Powdered water
10. Pedal-powered wheel chairs
11. Waterproof tea bags
12. Watermelon seed sorter
13. Zero proof alcohol
14. Reuseable ice cubes
15. See-through toilet tissue
16. Skinless bananas
17. Do-it-yourself road map
18. Turnip ice cream
19. Toe implants
20. An all white flag
21. Rolls Royce pickup truck
22. Helicopter Ejector Seat

[MsVicki]

Things A Blonde Can't Do, Can Do, and Does

1. Take her new scarf back to the store because it is too tight.

2. Can't learn to water ski because she can't find a lake with a slope.

3. Can't work in a pharmacy because the bottles won't fit into the typewriter.

4. Got excited because she finished a jigsaw puzzle in six months and the box said "2 to 4 years".

5. Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out.

6. Couldn't call 911 because there was no 11 on any phone button.

7. When asked what the capital of California was, she answered "C."

8. Burnt her nose bobbing for French Fries.

9. Baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said one hour per pound and she weighed 125.

10. Can't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.

11. Hates M&M's because they are so hard to peel.

12. Got hurt while raking leaves; fell out of the tree.

13. Changes the baby's diaper only once a month because the label said "good up to 20 pounds."