What is the difference between a reflexologist and a percussionist?
A reflexologist bucks up the feet.
How many sopranos does it take to change a lightbulb?
1. One to hold up the lightbulb, and the world revolves around her.
2. One to climb up on the chair, and the rest to kick it out from under her.
How do you know that there's an alto at your door?
She has the wrong key and she doesn't know when to come in.
How do you get two flutists to play a perfect unison?
Shoot one of them.
Why are violas bigger than violins?
Actually, they aren't; they just look that way next to the players' heads.
What is the difference between a terrorist and an organist?
You can, sometimes, negotiate with a terrorist.
What happens when the choir has no tenors?
There is an aching void in the harmony.
What happens whe the choir has too many tenors?
They fill the void.
What is the nicest sound an accordion can make?
When it lands on top of the banjo in the dumpster.
Flier passed out in a neighborhood: "For $50 I will come serenade you on the bagpipes; for $100 I will not serenade you on the bagpipes."
What is the difference between an oboe and an onion?
Nobody crys when choppng up an oboe.
A harpist spends half her time tuning her instrument and the other half playing it out of tune.
Autoharp: zither with training wheels