dalmore

Yesterday, I got my new Dinotte Utralight and the return of my warranty repaired Princeton Tec EOS. Meaning I no longer need this. I've been using it for about 2-3 weeks. I paid like 30-35 dollars. Something like that. It's a 1-watt luxeon LED. It's a Performance branded version of the 1st generation, non-digital, Nitehawk emitter. It's similar brightness and beam pattern to the Cateye EL-500 in my eye. It has a nice quick-release cam lock handlebar bracket. Uses 4 AA. I'm including 8 AA rechargable NiMH batteries - Powerizer 2000 mAh and two plastic battery holders.

There's no catch - it's just that I don't expect to get much money for this if I try to sell it and I have no need to keep it. I figured someone here might be able to use it and want it.

It's free to the best funny biking story posted before Saturday Oct. 14 at 8 am eastern time. I'll even pick up the shipping.

Edit- Oops forgot the picts. See next post.

dalmore

Here's the picts!

DogBoy

did you get the 3W or the 5W? Ultra or Endurance? I just got the 3W Ultra and have been very impressed. I have only used it twice though. I helmet mounted it and notice only a little bit of weight, but I have both the light and the batteries on the helmet. Beam is as bright as my HID, but in a more focused spot. I also like the red illumination on the rear of the light. Anyway, I'm interested in your impressions of the new light.

(oh, and I don't really have a good story, nor do I want your old light...sorry)

ryanparrish

Not Funney

A BMW passed me up hill I passed him on the down hill the speed limit was 25

Not Funney

I made a hard stop at a red light (wasn't paying attention) several cars said nice stop the cyclist next to me said that I had lifted the rear wheel up into the air

cyccommute 

It stands there. A silent monolith. It doesn’t care about cold or heat or rain or snow. Always at the ready like the Minute Men of old. Ready to give aid and comfort to the needy. You find them by themselves, in small groups or, occasionally, in vast herds. They aren’t anything special, just a small room made out of fiberglass or some other plastic with a simple spring loaded door and a latch. But oh what a relief to see one. Whether you are on a long bike path ride or climbing a lonely mountain pass and you need one, they are one of the great miracles of our age! The portapotty!

I know they can be cold and unbearable or hot and unbearable but when you need to go, these palaces on skids are truly one of the great technological advancements of the 20th century! They don’t freeze (well they do but it doesn’t matter). They don’t require plumbing on site and for the most part they are clean and refreshing!

Back in the 1850’s (or even 1950’s) as you crossed the barren plain, if you had to go you went behind a bush. But the big problem is there are no bushes out there on the plains. I know because I grew up out there. Most of the time you are the tallest thing around for 50 miles and, since you can see clearly for 50 miles, when you dropped your drawers (as those folks say out there) everybody could see what you were doing. People who lived in the mountains never had that problem because there is always a tree within spittin’ distance (or some kind of other moisture releasing distance, anyway). But now with portable water closets, everybody may know what you are doing but they can’t see it.

The only real problem with these portable monuments to eliminatory functions, is that there aren’t enough of them! Think of your favorite ride either on the road, on a single track or on a bike path of more then 5 miles and think of how many fiberglass rest stations you pass. One if you are very, very lucky. From 104th on the north all the way down to Chatfield Reservoir, there are maybe 4 comfort stations, including permanent ones, in 30 or 40 miles of riding. Even at 20 miles an hour average speed that’s still close to 2 hours of riding with very few places to stop for relief. And if you do it in the winter time you will find only 2 of those open at the ends of the ride! One cup of coffee before you start your ride and you could be in a world of hurt before you find someplace to go!

We want, no we demand, more WC’s! We want one at least every 5 miles of bike path! We won’t stand (well some of us will) for anything less!



You stand there in gray or blue,
You may be old or new,
Factory fresh or faded and patched
Door ajar or carefully latched

It matters not where you stand,
Ready to lend a helping hand,
Someone will need you anon,
Faithful old Portajohn!

WriteABike

About three years ago, my brother-in-law "Joe" decided to get in shape by riding his bike every day. He was seventeen and still in high school. The first day of summer vacation, he got up bright and early, hopped on his full-suspension X-Mart bike, and took off down the road. My in-laws live outside town amongst the cows and fields, and it's not uncommon for people to let their dogs run free. So when Joe saw a dog in the road up ahead, he wasn't surprised or concerned. As he headed down a short hill about a quarter mile from home, he realized the animal he was rapidly approaching wasn't a dog, but two skunks engaged in intimate relations in the middle of the road. He panicked and hit the brakes hard, dumping himself over the handlebars about 30 yards from the preoccupied skunks. The fall broke his wrist and his bike, which he walked home. The skunks didn't even notice. And Joe's exercise plan died on the first day of summer.

I think skunks are the scariest animals we have around here, including the pitbull up the road. (Mountain lions would be scarier, but we rarely get them in the valley.) Whenever I smell a skunk, I always move to the center of the road and ride a little faster, though come to think of it, riding a little more cautiously might be smarter. Once, I had to stop my bike for a mother skunk leading four or five little skunks across the road. From the way those little skunks acted--milling around in the road in front of cars that had (thankfully) stopped for them--I'm not surprised that they get hit so often.

2manybikes

Here's mine from last year. The thread title was "I was just riding along"...

With two lanes of traffic on my left. It was a perfect day today. A car with two kids in it slowly passed me. The passenger squirted me with a squirt gun. A small one, I almost did not notice the small stream. Then they accelerated away. I could see the driver looking in the mirror at me and trying to drive away quickly. But, they were stuck in the right lane at a red light. So, I held up my huge water bottle that is bigger than the Zefal magnums and smiled at him. The driver panicked and moved to the left lane, I moved to the left lane. He moved to the left turn lane, I moved to the left turn lane. Then as I got closer I could see the passenger in a total panic leaning over the back seat and rolling up the windows as fast as he could. When he was finished with the windows on the right side of the car I moved to the left side of the lane as I got closer. He was practically falling over the seat trying to roll up the back window on the left in a complete panic. He fell over into the back seat. Now I'm laughing and still holding up my bottle. As I got to about a car length away I started to coast and the light changed and he burned rubber and took off in a cloud of dust.

Good thing they did not know my water bottle was empty.

I had a great day today.

legot73

1 vote for 2manybikes. I can't touch that one.

SingingSabre 

I turned my girlfriend into a cyclocommuter for campus travel.

The other week, she was stopping at a stop sign and signalled a right turn. She almost pulled the stereotypical kung-fu elbow to the chest, wrist to the face as a guy behind her came up unannounced and blew the stop sign. Actually, he did connect. He barely stayed on his bike.

She travels on, heading to class, when she feels a tugging at her shirt. She was wearing a black shirt with long, lacey sleeves which tend to billow in the slightest breeze. She looked over and saw a motorcycle cop pacing her, tugging at her sleeve. He says "It looks like you're flying away!"

At the next stop sign, she and the cop chat. He tells her that he was really glad she stopped at the sign, as most people blow it and screw up traffic patterns.

I just remember the look on her face as he told her "It looks like you're flying away!"

Okay, so it wasn't that funny. I'll think of a better one.

SingingSabre 

Ah, just thought of a good one.

I was riding to fire practice with my girlfriend. I had my bike loaded with tons of fire equipment. 3 practice staves, 2 fire staves, 1 glow staff, 7 fire eating toches, a stereo, my laptop, various connectors, fuel, some clothing, etc. As usual, I was riding without a shirt.

A guy pulled alongside me, took a look at my pierced nipples and said "Nice nipples."

I said "You should see my c***."

CliftonGK1

+1. I've got lots of stories, but nothing that tops that one for funny.

SSP

My LBS owner was riding with his son in Ashland, Oregon a few years back when a local d*ckhead pitched a lit firecracker at them. The guy drove off laughing in his POS pickup, but caught a light about 1/4 mile up the road. Apparently, the dumb redneck was unaware of how fast a PO'ed bike shop owner can sprint, because he didn't notice when the LBS owner rolled up on the driver's side...and emptied a full bottle of Accelerade into the guy's lap before making a quick U-turn (leaving the redneck stuck at the light in traffic).

dalmore

I have the 5-watt Ultra light - Pro Series (AA battery) model. I liked it so much on the ride in, that I decided to order a 3-watt version too. The 5-watt is a big flood pattern with a little bit of a shadow in the center of the spot - all the reviews I've seen noted it and yep it's there. Seems easy enough to move from bike to bike since I like to change rides. I'm not so sure how long that rubber band will handle the frequent changes though. Seems like the snapping in and out will result in broken band. I'm velcroing the cable as a backup holder in the event it breaks. I had planned on my EOS on the helmet to work with the Dinotte but the EOS is too weak. I'm thinking of putting the batteries for the 3-watt on the helmet too - you've inspired me.

Edit - oh - I choose the AA model because I like the security of knowing a working headlight is as close as the next convenience store should the need arise ...

JackJ

I've been using mine since April of this year, probably moving it on average about twice/week from bike to bike. So far, so good. Mine came w/ two bands of slightly different sizes, but both work on my standard size road bars.

Jack

MMACH 5

A thread I posted in the commuting forum "You're not my coach":

Depending on my route home, I usually only get onto White Rock Lake's MUP to cross the bridge. Then I'm back on the roadway. Occasionally, I will follow it around and enjoy the lake, before turning off towards the house.

Last night, I stayed on the path and there is a small incline that goes for less than a quarter mile. It's not really steep enough to call it a hill, but it can slow you down a bit.

I was about halfway up this incline, when I herd a voice behind me say, "Don't stop." The sun was just setting behind me so when I looked in my rearview mirror all I could see was the silhouette of a cyclist coming up the little hill.

"Keep going." He says.

I was thinking, "Does it look like I'm having a problem, here? Does he really think that he has to encourage me to stay on my bike?"

"Push...push...push...push"

His rhythm was a little faster than my cadence, so I picked up the pace to match time with his "coaching." (I was still thinking, "Who is this guy and why does he feel the need to talk me up this little hill?") He was in a higher gear, because even at the same cadence, he was gaining on me.

...
"Don't stop."
"Keep at it."
"Push...push...push...push"
...

I was just topping the slope, when he called out, "On your left!"

Now, I use that shout out so as not to surprise anyone who may be unaware of my presence. If the others already know I'm there, why issue the warning?

I thought, "Well duh! Obviously, I know you're on my left. You just talked me up the hill!"

That's when I looked over and realized he was on a tandem. He wasn't talking to me at all. He was encouraging his stoker.

I suddenly felt rather silly. I gave them both a nod. They are probably still wondering what had me all tickled, as they went by.

MMACH 5

Another thread I posted in the commuting forum "Not a racer... (a little gross)":

So there I was, this morning, in the last half mile or so of my 18 mile commute. I had just come up the last hill before the office and was leisurely cruising along before my turn off. Some movement in my mirror caught my attention, so I looked to see what it was.

Here comes this guy, a few blocks back, whose probably in his mid 50's standing on the pedals of his Magna MTB and just chugging like nobody's business. When I say chugging, I don't mean he was flying, I mean he looked like he was struggling. He was gaining on me, but it was taking all he had and like I mentioned, I was in no hurry at this point, (I was probably going about 10-12mph).

I didn't know if he was simply pushing himself to get up the hill, had an emergency or what. So as he nears, I move closer to the curb to let him by. The first thing I notice is his John Deer gimme cap and his Wolverine work boots. So then I think he's a commuter too and just running late for work.
Just as he's catching me, I notice that he is literally slinging snot and spit with each breath. Now I'm not talking about little droplets of spittle. I mean there is this huge, bubbly slimey thing, the size of a banana strung from his nostrils, across his mustache and lips and dangling off his chin. Every time he inhales, it is pressed against his lips and then it stretches and bubbles outward on the exhale.
I may have even startled a bit, when I saw this, but that's not the best part...

Just as his comes even with me, without even looking over, he says, "Is that all you got?"
I didn't know what to say. My response was something like, "You betcha." Once he had gotten by, he sat back onto his saddle and eased up. I turned off towards the office.
So, I suppose he saw me going up the hill on my road bike and thought he'd show me how it's done.

I only wish I had a tissue handy to offer as he passed.

rykoala

My funniest cycling related story happened just a week or two ago. President Bush was in town doing a rally for a local guy trying to get into congress or something (You can tell I follow those things *really* closely....). Just so happens his speech was at the airport in a hangar. I ride by it every day. On the opposite side of the street, where I ride, there was a group of 75 or so people protesting the President. I curiously read a few of the signs as I rode by. One, held by a 50-ish hippy chick (A Flower Child for sure) was holding a sign that made me laugh out loud: "The only Bush I trust is my own".

Only as I rode a little further did I realize I was on camera!

legot73

This is the one my friends ask me to tell so often:

I was living in Minneapolis, out for a weekend bike ride. I was wearing a mesh poly t-shrirt cycling shorts, and sandals. It was hot. I wandered through downtown, Hennepin Ave to be exact, when I reach some road blocks. I walk my bike down the sidwalk to see what's going on. A family stops at a closed intersection and asks me how to get to the Metrodome for the Grand Prix. Oh, that must be why the roads are blocked. But there are not barrels or hay bales, so it doesn't make sense. As I walk further, there are more and more people standing around, like something is going to happen. I'm getting curious (don't read too much into that word). In about 3 seconds, it's all clear. Like in a movie, I recognize pink triangles and rainbows pinned to everyone's shirt, a parade of motorcycles with very "handsome" women on them, a very tall glamour queen with an adams apple, a couple of guys waving bibles in my face and telling me that I can still be saved, and a news reporter, right in front of me with a camera on her.

I probably blushed.

I told my (now) wife, who worked at the same company as me. She cleverly told my co-workers, who all claimed to be excited to see me on the news Sat. night.

I have no issues with the events that day, it all just caught me very, very off-guard.

Overkll

Riding along on a beautiful morning MUP commute, dodging people staring at who knows what, darting to and fro, acting surprised that there are bikes on the bike path. In the distance I see a cyclist. Scratch that, I heard him first, being downwind, his bike was letting out a mighty squeak. I was gaining fast!

As I approach said rider, I take note of his attire. Reminds me of my youthful days driving souped-up cars, sum up the competition. Not many real cyclists on the path, my brain cannot avoid competition. Here is was I saw:

OLLLLD ten speed bike-->bars lower than seat (a clue!)-->Helmet and gloves circa 1970-->Calves the size of my thighs (trouble afoot!)-->Older fellow in good shape, a 'knave' I guess?

I am catching him, I go to pass, he seems irked (sidelong glance); I have given up with any sort of signal of passing. People are like squirrels on the path, they will go the opposite way no matter what you do. I hear his cadence increase (squeaks are faster). He is keeping up with me, I drop to the aerobars, he is still there. The path clears, he launches! It was unexpected, he was passing, mouth agape, standing and pounding. I was defeated! But he was spent, I will catch him soon enough (I think). Then I hear a rattle, and tink of sorts, and see an object fall from his steed. What can it be?

Bounces, a few rolls, the object inexplicably lands on the path. It could have very well landed in the grass and have been lost. But not this day! He slows, I slow. I am coming to a stop to pick up the item and congratulate him on his win. But as I look down, I realize I cannot help him. I stay on my bike.

What was the object? What happened? It seems that the mouth agape was his downfall. The pumping of the legs, the jarring of the head, the forgotten fixodent was the culprit. It was his dentures that lay on the path. Suffice it to say, I didn't pick them up. I didn't stop. I didn't know what to say. Do you pick up the dentures, wipe'm off and hand them over? I guess I'll never know.

mcavana

this one is hard to talk about because it is pretty imbarising to say the least... but a free light is a free light. This is graphic... so it may not be for everybody. True Story.

Despite everyones advice i recently purchased pepper spray for my late night down town rides... to make a long story short, i got to work and started to undress to get in shower. (shower is in locker room / rest room) I dropped the pepper spray and it sprayed out just a tiny bit. it made me cough a little, and some liquid was on the case...

I decided that everyone on this site was right, and it was not an effective weapon, and was obviously a pain to deal with. so i decided i would throw it away...

But wait, i just spent 15 bucks for this thing... how can i possably throw it away without at least spraying it? so, I sprayed a little in the trash can. I was totally impressed with the volume and force of the spray. it was a weird, yellow color...

I then thought... That was only about 1/2 second... I bet it is empty... so i sprayed it again in the trash can for a full 10 seconds... totally impressed with the constant, high volume amount of spray....

Then it happened....

The mist started to rise in the totally unventilated room, and i dropped straight to the floor. with my eyes burning, i violently puked and gagged, and rubbed my eyes... I thought I was going to die. because there was no ventilation it kept getting worse and worse. I seriously started to worry for my life. Then I started to hear foot steps in the hallway... At first I was relieved, then I realized that I could very easily be fired for such a stunt.

As I layed in the fetal position, naked on the filthy locker room floor, now in a pool of my own vomit, my life flashed before my eyes. I couldn't help but think, "why don't I just drive to work?"

slvoid

I was comutting to work yesterday and passing through Prospect Park. There was a guy who looked like Lance fully decked out with a Trek and Team Discovery outfit. Even his helmet straps were yellow. He was on his 53 x 20 or 19. I knew it wasn't him (not surprised) because he was only slightly faster that I was. I was on my 39 x 14 and just spinning away. I caught up to him near the foot of a .25 mile 5% climb. As I rode ahead of him and noticed the color of his helmet straps and I was determined to teach him a lesson. We both approached to the foot of the climb and I was determined not to change gear. I have my power output set to 400w. roughly 19 mph. I glanced back at him and to initiate the challenge. He took the bait. He was slowly closing in to my wheel. I stood up and dropped down to my 13th gear and just blasted it up at 19 mph. Unless he has been racing, there is no way he could match my speed.

scottmorrison99

I had an idiot in a Mercedes rev his engine and honk behind me until he swerved into the left lane to beat me to the stoplight by two seconds. We were stuck in traffic with nowhere for him to go. I rode up and rapped loudly on his window as he tried to will the light ot change. I yelled "Sir, are you having a seizure? Do you need me to call assistance for you? Are you having a medical emergency? Sir, are you ok?" The drivers in all the other cars who have witnessed the whole thing are laughing like crazy by now. Guy is trying to become invisible. Made my day. I hurt my abs I laughed so hard the rest of the way to work.

DogBoy

Well, since everyone else is sharing, I might as well too.

On my commute home I go by a middle school, and there is a traffic island in front of the school (like 50 meters long tops) that narrows the lane of traffic from WOL to too narrow to share. I was riding home at about 17 mph (in a 25mph zone). A string of cars went buy, and so I took the lane as I approached the narrow stretch. I hear a honk, a rev, a clatter and then suddenly hear revving on my RIGHT. The guy had gunned it, hopped the curve and ridden around me. He then raced in front of me to get in a long line of cars turning left at the light. As he stopped, I rode up next to him going straight and gave the passenger (woman mid 40s to 50s) a smile and a friendly wave. She grinned, rolled her eyes and waved back, then shook her head, slapped the driver (I'm guessing her husband) in the arm and started having a "discussion" with him. I'm betting he doesn't do it again.

ducati

Good stories, all.

DogBoy, that is the kind of guy that can seriously ruin your day.

My most recent story:

I had a bad Wednesday. One day a week I car commute so I can refresh my supply of clothing at work. I work in an evironment that requires formal dress attire, and I prefer to bring it in by car. It also gives me a nice midweek break for my 28 mile commute, keeping fresh for weekend rides with my wife.

This Wed. I was driving to work in a driving rainstorm, thinking "well, I guess this isn't such a bad day to be warm, dry, and listening to NPR." About 3 or 4 miles from work, cars started stopping very quickly. I always leave plenty of room around me, so I was able to stop in plenty of time. No such luck for the guy behind me (or the woman in front, either, she hit the guy 2 ahead). BAM. Rear ended at highway speeds.

So not a real great start to the day... (I'm getting to the bike part)

Later in the day I leave a little early to get an xray. I'm laying on this cold sheet of steel and the technician is xraying me, turning me this way and that. I thought the positions I was being placed were odd and I realize she's xraying the wrong side of my body... So I get double-irradiated as we go through the entire process again.

I had a bike waiting at the LBS for a test ride as they had just put one in my size together, so I thought this might be a nice way to improve morale on the pretty crappy (so far) day. I drive over to the LBS, look over the bike, it's pretty. I take it out and decide to hit one of the MUPs for a nice get-acquainted ride. I'm 2.5 or 3 miles away from the bike shop and darn if it isn't getting dark fairly quickly... The wind starts blowing a bit, and a chill sets in. I'm wearing jeans and a t-shirt and thinking maybe I should have dressed more appropriately. Still enjoying myself.

Just then... BAM. I have never seen anything like it. The heavens open SUDDENLY. Rain. Wind. Hail. The temps drop immediately. All cotton clothing becomes a serious liability. I can't see anymore, the wind and rain reducing vision to nil. The new tires are slippery and I'm trying to gingerly maneuver an unfamiliar bike, while rapidly starting to shiver. And just when I thought, "ah, it has to get better soon!" the tornado sirens start going off.

What the h-e-double hockey stick do I do now??

At this point I look up, tell God if he has decided to take me out with a lightning bolt, or perhaps a funnel cloud, this would be quite appropriate and I accept it. I ride back to the LBS, to the great astonishment of throngs of idiots who have come outside under their awnings to find out how "bad its really going to be."

At this point, I'm pedaling slowly, shivering, and smiling like a madman.

I pull into the LBS, buy the bike, and go to bed.

I'm still alive!!! Completely shocked about that.

damian_

My vote goes to mcavana. Man, that was one of the funniest stories I've ever heard!