Kar3368

These are FUNNY! I just had to pass this along...I am sure everyone could use a good laugh
Enjoy!


Halloween costumes for cyclists
By Elden "Fatty" Nelson
As a cyclist, you are much, much better equipped for Halloween than
the
average person. Why? Because you already wear outrageous costumes on
a daily
basis.
Think about it. Even though you are a (presumably) sane adult, you
wear a
shirt that would look much more at home on a superhero. You wear
shorts that
are much, much too tight, as if you were on your way to lead a
jazzercize
class. You wear a hat that belongs on an alien.
And, to top the whole look off, you wear what sound and look like
tap-dancing shoes.
It's no wonder, then, that cyclists tend to be pretty lazy about
dressing up
for Halloween parties. Instead of putting time and money into it,
you just
show up in the outfit you rode to the party in. Hey, why not? A
little sweat
completes the effect, right?
What you don't realize, though, is that all your friends, family and
co-workers are rolling their eyes at your lack of
imagination. "There goes
Tim," they say, "pretending again that his cycling outfit is a
Halloween
costume."
It doesn't have to be that way, my friend.
By spending just a few extra minutes, you can alter your cycling
outfit for
the evening, making it so you're not just "a cyclist" at the party,
but a
very particular sort of cyclist. Simply follow these easy
instructions.
Doping Cyclist: Dress up in full pro kit. Use a marker to draw
needle tracks
up and down one arm. Tie a length of surgical tubing above one elbow
and
leave a syringe sticking out of your vein. Wheel around an IV tower
for the
duration of the party. Stuff your jersey pockets with bottles of
drugs. When
anyone asks what / who you are, respond that you are a professional
cyclist.
When they ask what all the needles and drugs are for, say you have
no idea
what they're talking about. No matter what, do not admit you have any
drug-related items on hand.
Mountain Biker (If You're normally a Roadie): Prepare for the party
by
gaining 10Kg and getting 20-30 tattoos. Wear baggy pants -- baggy
enough
that they keep falling down. Arrive drunk at the party and continue
to drink
once you get there. Insist you have mad skillz.
Roadie (If You're normally a Mountain Biker): Prepare for the party
by
putting a stick in your butt. Wear uncomfortably tight cycling
clothes for
the party, drink nothing put thrice-filtered water and tell everyone
exactly
how many calories and fat everything they're eating contains.
Triathlete: Don't come to the party, because you've only done four
workouts
today and still need to get in one more and you don't want to break
training, no matter what.
Recreational Cyclist: Wear street clothes with your right pant leg
cuff
completely greasy and shredded. Wear a bike helmet backwards and
cocked to
one side. Tell people that you're starting to bike again to get back
in
shape.
Commuter: Wear street clothes, but carry a backpack or messenger bag
full of
what are clearly stinky bike clothes the entire evening. Make your
helmet
hair extremely obvious. Keep looking for opportunities to casually
introduce
the fact that you are a bike commuter into every single conversation
in
which you participate.
Fixie / Track Cyclist: Dress the same as a road cyclist, but you
must always
either keep walking or -- if you must stay in one place -- you must
trackstand by moving a couple inches forward, then back, then
forward and
back again.
See? Easy, effective, and totally transformational. Nobody will
recognize
you. Better start preparing that "Best Costume" acceptance speech now

scvroadie

I like the one about the roadie dressing up and acting like a mountainbiker. Party on!!!!!!!!

If Karen wore something that had no pink in it, none of us would recognize her.

roadfix

Funny.....as a matter of fact I attended a Halloween party a couple of year ago in a full roadie kit.

alicestrong

That must have been an expensive costume...much cheaper to go as a rec rider or a commuter...

roadfix

It was, actually. I haven't worn them since....

Mr. Beanz

Funny!