Although only now fit to post in public, I think it is fair to say that the CritMass ride on Friday was a complete sucess. We had the largest turnout I've seen in a while! Big props go out to my new found pirate friends h8r and WaitUpForMe you guys rock! and to BIG DADDY BEN for letting us all come back to his porch and get thoroughly belligerent. And this my friends, brings me to my point...
So there was beer flowin. lots of it. There was a brown bag of tequilla going around and even some of that cheep ass andre sparkling crap. Point is,, when I left the after party at around 12ish I was fairly intoxicated and in no shape to ride.
But ride i did. 7 miles back to virginia.
Now i know we've had our discussions surrounding drinking and driving before. Okay fine, I might have been a threat to the well being of those fellow motorists and brave cyclists that shared the streets with me that night. whatever. i didn't hit anybody.
I'll tell you what I did hit though,,,
So I wake up, and there's grass in my mouth. Blink once or twice and come to understand that I'm laying on the ground. Thats when the police officer asks again "Sir,, Are you okay?". Oh ****. I sit up and realize that I'm laying on a hillside about a mile from my house and there's an arlington county cruiser parked in the street with their lights on.
This was bad. Really bad.
Try as I might to convince the officer of my sobriety, he wasn't buying it. In fact, he was so concerned about my wellbeing, he offered to put handcuffs on my wrists and give me a place to sleep it off for the evening. Yeah, I wasn't buying that. But as I was cooperating, wasn't stumbling, and he hadn't actually seen me ride my bike drunk, we were at a bit of a stalemate. For some reason he didn't want to put my bike in the back of his trunk, or in the ambluance that had by this point shown up. I was okay with that.
I kept telling him how easy I could ride home.
"Its right there.. No no.. Right THERE!"
So this is what he did...
He told me to get back on my bike and ride home. The catch - He would be riding beside me ten feet back with his lights on the WHOLE WAY HOME!! So,,, rapidly sobering, I had no choice but to ride the straightest, cleanest lines of my entire life. Forget that episode of Fear Factor, this was the real thing!!! God I was freaked out.
But I got home.
So thank you officer Robbins. Thank you for the escort. I've never felt more important.
See? Police are our friends!!