tink20seven

Although only now fit to post in public, I think it is fair to say that the CritMass ride on Friday was a complete sucess. We had the largest turnout I've seen in a while! Big props go out to my new found pirate friends h8r and WaitUpForMe you guys rock! and to BIG DADDY BEN for letting us all come back to his porch and get thoroughly belligerent. And this my friends, brings me to my point...

So there was beer flowin. lots of it. There was a brown bag of tequilla going around and even some of that cheep ass andre sparkling crap. Point is,, when I left the after party at around 12ish I was fairly intoxicated and in no shape to ride.

But ride i did. 7 miles back to virginia.

Now i know we've had our discussions surrounding drinking and driving before. Okay fine, I might have been a threat to the well being of those fellow motorists and brave cyclists that shared the streets with me that night. whatever. i didn't hit anybody.

I'll tell you what I did hit though,,,
Oh boy.

So I wake up, and there's grass in my mouth. Blink once or twice and come to understand that I'm laying on the ground. Thats when the police officer asks again "Sir,, Are you okay?". Oh ****. I sit up and realize that I'm laying on a hillside about a mile from my house and there's an arlington county cruiser parked in the street with their lights on.

This was bad. Really bad.

Try as I might to convince the officer of my sobriety, he wasn't buying it. In fact, he was so concerned about my wellbeing, he offered to put handcuffs on my wrists and give me a place to sleep it off for the evening. Yeah, I wasn't buying that. But as I was cooperating, wasn't stumbling, and he hadn't actually seen me ride my bike drunk, we were at a bit of a stalemate. For some reason he didn't want to put my bike in the back of his trunk, or in the ambluance that had by this point shown up. I was okay with that.

I kept telling him how easy I could ride home.
"Its right there.. No no.. Right THERE!"
So this is what he did...

He told me to get back on my bike and ride home. The catch - He would be riding beside me ten feet back with his lights on the WHOLE WAY HOME!! So,,, rapidly sobering, I had no choice but to ride the straightest, cleanest lines of my entire life. Forget that episode of Fear Factor, this was the real thing!!! God I was freaked out.

But I got home.
So thank you officer Robbins. Thank you for the escort. I've never felt more important.

See? Police are our friends!!

* jack *

excellent story! sounds like a skit from Reno 911

bostontrevor

That was some old tymey treatment you got there. Nice. Any idea how long you were down there?

chimblysweep

ah, always makin' us proud. as much fun as i'm sure that episode was, let's not go for a repeat after the margarita relay, ok?

MKRG

he let you go with grass in your mouth? shouldn't they be chasing kennedys or something anyway

*new*guy

ahahhahahahhha. S-M-R-T.

jfmckenna

Seriously dude, you may have a problem.

tink20seven

Well,, according to chimbles I called at around 4am.
I know that I called her to tell her the good news (as I always do when I drop the bike) as soon as I got home.

So by my calculations, I took what appears to be a three hour nap on the hill side?
It was definitely in my best interest. I needed a snooze.

And yes, jfmckenna, I do have a problem.
Colt 45 doesn't come in 45 oz bottles any more!! WTF

EnLaCalle

maybe you need to start a petition like this one...

chimblysweep

what an awesome cause to waste (did i say waste? i ment spend) one's time on.

jrowe

Hilarious man. That was so nice of the cop.

kathrot

by far, my very favorite line...hahahaha!

phidauex

He should have made you do it with your pants down, while he played circus music out of his PA, and shouting into his mic, "Hey everyone, come on out and see the drunk boy! Too drunk to ride his bike! Come out and laugh, everyone, come and see!.. Wave to them, tink, wave to the people! Blow them kisses!"

Thats a punishment that would really stick.

peace,
sam

neuron

just think. he knows where you live now.

h8r

I almost feel bad for convincing you to keep hitting that tequila bottle. But let's be honest, we were just making your body cash the checks that your mouth was writing all night long.

shants

two thumbs up... that's the only way to roll.

DC_Emily

ahhhh, I got the 4am call too. Sorry, I was out like a light. I wondered why you didn't leave a message

chimblysweep

yeah, he didn't leave me a message, either, but i think that's cuz he knows i save 'em and play 'em back to people for fun.

WaitUpForMe

Jeeeez . . . . if I'd thought you were going to end up unconscious in a ditch, I would have ridden back with you.

Judah

Awesome!

"But officer, I was trying to sleep it off"

On a semi-related note, I drank 3 32s of High Life the other night at Dokushoka's studio and rode home at 5am. I don't know why, but High Life seems to have zero effect on my riding...

icithecat

These stories remind me of my youth. I just hope you all wake up someday and make something of yourselves. Otherwise you too could wake up one day and say'WTF' I'm 47 and an accountant with a mortgage.........

loaf

I love those magical few moments when you wake up and have no idea where you are, no matter how familiar the surroundings.

ImOnCrank

This is just a hunch but it may have to do with the fact that high life is not, in fact, alcohol, but dogp!ss instead.