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  1. #1
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    Stupid teenagers

    I decided to ride by bike in to work this morning seeing as i had to come into the office on a weekend. There is nice MUP that runs virtually from my doorstep to my office that, while extremely congested in the summer months, is virtually empty in the fall. As i'm about 2 miles into my ride, i come up on a group of "goth" teenagers all dressed in black who have put 3 rows of crabapples across the path. The dorks are standing in front shoulder to shoulder with big grins on their faces. I saw a rider ahead of me slow down get off his bike and walk it on the narrow strip of grass between the path and trees, and as he passed, the kids threw apples at him. As i approached, rather than slowing down, i reach forward on my bullhorns, hunkered down, at put on the afterburners. The kids, seeing me approach, reformed their red rover line, again with big grins on the faces. I head straight for one of them. As i am 2 feet away, the kid in front of me moves aside screaming; i pull up on my front wheel and swing my hand out to the right, connecting with the head of one of the little pissants (next to the kid who moved) who falls to the ground and begins crying like a baby.

    While i'm sure i will get chastizing remarks from some, i wasnt taking any chances in light of being attacked by kids this summer.

    ...Stupid kids.

  2. #2
    crotchety young dude el twe's Avatar
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    THANK YOU! Speaking as a cycling stupid teenager, the really stupid teenagers piss me off!
    Quote Originally Posted by CardiacKid View Post
    I explained that he could never pay me enough cash for the amount of work I had put into that bike and the only way to compensate me for it was to ride the hell out of it.
    IRO Angus Casati Gold Line

  3. #3
    Banned zelah's Avatar
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    thats fantastic, but you should have turned around and tried to take out a few more!

  4. #4
    ))<>(( forever. xunwedsailorx's Avatar
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    skanking biker FOR THE WIN.

    amen.

  5. #5
    sucker
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    should have had the ulock in your hand.

    im all about violence and assault

  6. #6
    Former Adrenaline Junkie Wuneyeddog's Avatar
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    I certainly won't be one to admonish you. If the kids want to screw with some cyclists, they need to be prepared to be screwed with in return. I'm only a few years away from being a teenager, and I did have some goth friends. For one, they definitely weren't that lame. For two, when they chose to mess with people, it was something a little more lasting than hucking crab apples at random cyclists. Those lamos had it coming.
    Without order nothing can exist - without chaos nothing can evolve -- Anonymous

  7. #7
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    the funny part was that this part of the path is in the burbs---so these kids weren't some disenchanted survivors of the concrete jungle.--i mean, come on, this is green bay for God's (Lambeau's) sake. One of the dudes looked like that kid from that new cell phone commcercial---real hard core

  8. #8
    King Among Runaways hyperRevue's Avatar
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    haha, gotta love green bay.
    I think you handled it perfectly.
    "I owe everyone an apology" - hyperrevue

  9. #9
    LF for the accentdeprived
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    Oh, at one time evrey ghetto kid found it funny to stand in the way of bikers - me, anyway. They wouldn't leave room to pass. Then I thought, F you, idiot, it'll hurt much more for you than me, and started steering towards the little b@stards. It worked, of course. Kids jumped aside with seriously scared faces. It hasn't happened in years, though. Well done, SB.
    Quote Originally Posted by dutret
    Do you deny that you are clueless or do you just think that "moron" didn't need to be tacked on there?
    Bike on flickr and on FGG

  10. #10
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    i went biking on halloween night and some kids started yelling at me and my roomates

    we turned around and chased after them and they started running and then hid behind a tree.. when I saw them I just started laughing because it was so ridiculous and then they walked away (in shame!)

  11. #11
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    I mean, i understand the juvenile urge to f* with people; but if you're gonna do it, at least do it in a way that it to your advantage. Apparently they must not teach physics any more.
    Action: 200 lb man on 20 lb bike travelling at 18-20 mph hits stationary 90 lb scrawny a$$ kid; Reaction: squished scrawny a$$ kid.

    It doesnt take a rocket scientist to figure out the kid is gonna lose everytime.

    Its like my dad used to say when i would come home drunk and walk into walls. In the war between the wall and the head, the wall will always win.

  12. #12
    Beausage is Beautiful Fugazi Dave's Avatar
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    Please come to the front desk and claim your Internet.

  13. #13
    Dog is my co-pilot 2manybikes's Avatar
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    Nice move !!

    I have dicovered over the years, that speeding up, looking very serious about it, yelling passing, and aiming for one person clears the way better than anything else. So far it has worked 100% of the time for about 11 years.

    I know, I know, now it won't work.......

  14. #14
    Iguana Subsystem dolface's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fugazi Dave
    Please come to the front desk and claim your Internet.
    seriously.

  15. #15
    flaneur boots's Avatar
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    way to motherf7cking go
    give me war redder than blood and fiercer than fire!

  16. #16
    information sponge
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    I heartily concur. A precise reminder that you don't screw with what you don't know, and there are REAL CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS!

    I think the thing that causes almost every problem in the United States (the world at large as well, but most specifically here) is that there are not immediate negative consequences to actions. If people understood that doing the wrong thing would bring retribution, SO MANY problems would be SO much better.
    Philosophy and feelings don't change the laws of physics

  17. #17
    Retrogrouch in Training bostontrevor's Avatar
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    There's a MUP that runs sort of near my house. It also runs past the projects for a bit. Every year there is a rash of muggings on the path, specifically at the start of summer and in the fall when it starts getting dark earlier. Some time ago, I resolved to myself that I would continue through there at my usual rate of speed and if I saw anyone who I thought was gunning for me, I would pick it up and aim straight for them. F that, dude, let's see how you like getting hit by 200 lbs of angry at 20 mph.

    Way to go, SB.

  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by treechunk
    I heartily concur. A precise reminder that you don't screw with what you don't know, and there are REAL CONSEQUENCES TO YOUR ACTIONS!

    I think the thing that causes almost every problem in the United States (the world at large as well, but most specifically here) is that there are not immediate negative consequences to actions. If people understood that doing the wrong thing would bring retribution, SO MANY problems would be SO much better.

    right on. The only "consequeces" these days are a lawsuit by the wrongdoer. What the heck does it teach kids when they get in trouble at school and their parents first reaction is to sue the school. I used to laugh when my cousin was a little kid. Whereas i used to get my as$ whopped with a leather belt, his parents preferred the "time out" "punishment." I used to just shake my head and laugh as he'd sit on a chair for 10 min with a big grin on his face and then go back to doing whatever it was that got him in trouble in the first place. He was only upset he got caught. His parents wondered why he was so "out of control" later in life. While i don't favor beating children, I still firmly believe that pain is the best discipline technique. Think of when a toddler puts his hand on the stove---it hurts--so he doesnt do it. Same thing with discipline: I told my dad to eff off one time as a kid----the resulting consequence ensured that i never did again--in fact i dont even use the f bomb in front of my dad at all.

    A good spanking will go a lot farther than 20 5 min time outs every week or a bottle of riddlin.

    I gurantee that that whinney son of a yuppie i popped today wont be back on that bike path for a long time.

  19. #19
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    Violence is always the answer.

  20. #20
    information sponge
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    Quote Originally Posted by skanking biker
    right on. The only "consequeces" these days are a lawsuit by the wrongdoer. What the heck does it teach kids when they get in trouble at school and their parents first reaction is to sue the school. I used to laugh when my cousin was a little kid. Whereas i used to get my as$ whopped with a leather belt, his parents preferred the "time out" "punishment." I used to just shake my head and laugh as he'd sit on a chair for 10 min with a big grin on his face and then go back to doing whatever it was that got him in trouble in the first place. He was only upset he got caught. His parents wondered why he was so "out of control" later in life. While i don't favor beating children, I still firmly believe that pain is the best discipline technique. Think of when a toddler puts his hand on the stove---it hurts--so he doesnt do it. Same thing with discipline: I told my dad to eff off one time as a kid----the resulting consequence ensured that i never did again--in fact i dont even use the f bomb in front of my dad at all.

    A good spanking will go a lot farther than 20 5 min time outs every week or a bottle of riddlin.

    I gurantee that that whinney son of a yuppie i popped today wont be back on that bike path for a long time.
    That's pretty much my feelings on the subject as well.
    Philosophy and feelings don't change the laws of physics

  21. #21
    information sponge
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    Quote Originally Posted by BostonFixed
    Violence is always the answer.

    I think there's a distinct difference between violence and self defense/ defense of others. I think the OP handled the situation in approximately the best way possible. He communicated that it is NOT ok to do such things in a way that was DEEPLY understood by the teenagers in question. He didn't come back and jump up and down on them, he just made it clear that it won't be tolerated. I think he actually did the best thing possible for those kids. Calling the police/talking with parents/yelling at them doesn't really teach them anything. They would probably have walked away with the knowledge that you can pretty much do what you want without consequences. They're not listening to what you say, they're laughing at the reaction they got. If you make it clear that there are consequences to actions, maybe they'll think twice before they continue on the "jackass path". I think there's a distinct difference between natural consequences and violence.
    Philosophy and feelings don't change the laws of physics

  22. #22
    Ferrous wheel
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    Quote Originally Posted by skanking biker
    A good spanking will go a lot farther than 20 5 min time outs every week or a bottle of riddlin.

    Would have been cool if you had actually spanked one or more of the kids.
    One thing about living in Santa Carla I never could stomach -- all the damn vampires.

  23. #23
    You know you want to. Eatadonut's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skanking biker
    While i'm sure i will get chastizing remarks from some.


    certainly doesn't look like you will...

    good job, hopefully they've learned a lesson.
    Weather today: Hot. Humid. Potholes.

  24. #24
    Asshat skingry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by spider-man
    Would have been cool if you had actually spanked one or more of the kids.
    That reminds me of the scene in "Birth", starring Nicole Kidman, where a grown man gets angry at a child he doen't even know and throws the kid over his knee and proceeds to go to town.
    Ride bikes, listen to SLAYER.

  25. #25
    dkb
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    "Crazed bicyclist assaults innocent suburban youths, children said that he attacked for no reason. Film at 11."

    Take a picture of the crime scene next time, if you can. That kids going to have to explain his bruises to his parents some how, maybe.

    Otherwise, good spur of the moment thinking.

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