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  1. #1
    flaneur boots's Avatar
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    The Incoherent *****ing and Moaning Thread

    So I've been awake for about 29 hours straight now. I've been studying the nature of consciousness (way more infuriating than it sounds) and writing papers about Mississippi for the past too long, with not enough beer in between (but some). Stuffing myself full of cold free DeMarco's sausage and pepper. "Nah, man, the crust is no good tonight. Order from Joe's." Flappin' wannabes. Everybody wants to be Dominic. So I finally rode back out to Brooklyn after spending the night in the sub-basement of an anti-semite oogling a girl with the clearest pale skin I've ever seen and face bones like a threadless stem and lips the color of overripe persimmons. A patch of broken glass along chrystie street. was sure I had a flat, but it was all paranoia. Someone should tell the pedestrians that the view is better on the PEDESTRIAN side of the bridge. You'd think they'd want to avoid asspoops like us. I stopped in at a beer distributor on Pacific and I asked the jolly old Italian behind the bulletproof glass "you got any 12-packs under 10 bucks?" He thought about this for a bit. Punched some buttons on a calculator. "yuengling. $10.34." "deal!" i yelled. he laughed. "hey yo!" he called. "get me a 12 of yuengling." a big ole black man in tims came out of the back. I followed him to the pallets of beer stacked on cement floors. The yuengling was in the back. He began climbing, doublehigh stacked cases of magic had, whole pallet loads of stella. He fished out a 12 from the top of the heap and clomped down. he handed it to me. "how'd you discover you could do that?" i asked. "what?" he said. i repeated myself. "i saw someone else do it." naturally. i jammed the whole thing in my back and rode over to 5th and 1. riding down Union got showed up by a snazzylooking track bike, blue and silver, sped past me and hipskid to a stop, veered onto Smith. whatta showoff. i've been awake for 26 hours screw you. knocked on sam's door. we dranks some beers as he screenprinted a plate from a lamppost. drank some more beers, listened to some mississippi brown hat fred mud on vinyl. drank some more beers, talked about our plans for biking from instanbul to berlin this summer. oh god i hope so. sam called the car service for laguardia, we smoked what he couldn't fit in his secret stashing apparatus. his roommate bought him a model 10 speed in chinatown for christmas, working drivetrain and brakes and kickstand the whole bit, painted it white and stenciled decals just like his peugeot. what a brilliant gift. the car came, i said goodbye, maybe i'll see you in instanbul, climbed on my bike, rode down 5th to 13th, turned right, began thinking about that dude on union, why not just roll as fast as i can, i can always skid to a the bottom of the hill, what am i a sissy, crank crank crank fast fast fast light changes across 4th, hard left turn southbound, should be slowing down, no idea what's up ahead, stop accelerating at least, apply a little backpressure, you stupid macho piece of crap, what are you trying to prove, come face to rump with a whole block of backed up traffic holy booger i'm going to fast skip! okay that's something now skid! whoops what's that i feel.... loose where's my control my left pedal is spinning without my foot what's happened did i break my chain no i can still resist with my right pedal slow down slow down veer into the left turn lane two less cars worth of backed up crisis averted for now broken toestrap going fwap fwap fwap veer west against traffic down 14th onto the sidewalk onto the sidewalk yes slow slow hill slow okay control right left back on the pedal resist slow control right here dismount stop done.

    whew. at least my roommate left me a couple hunks of toblerone. this could have been much worse. thank you, i haven't slept in 29 hours eaten in 17 or been sober since 3 pm. ready set drink. i can't hear you. drink! that's it. and cue awesome country music and sleep.
    give me war redder than blood and fiercer than fire!

  2. #2
    blah onetwentyeight's Avatar
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    toblerone!

  3. #3
    Lotion/Basket/Hose Doctor Who's Avatar
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    Man, I oughta try to become an insomniac or something.

    If you inserted more words with sexual connotations, we could have the beginning of a Joycean epic, or a facsimile of one.

  4. #4
    nothing: lasts forever ink1373's Avatar
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    there is zero chance of me reading a block of text that large with no paragraphing.

  5. #5
    Good for Business koyman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ink1373
    there is zero chance of me reading a block of text that large with no paragraphing.
    yes.

  6. #6
    ...leaving skid marks turd's Avatar
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    so just some yuengling & toblerone -- sure you're not doing any speed besides your bike? hmm..
    *turd
    can our bikes be friends: fuji track (#3062) & iffy road

  7. #7
    cxmagazine dot com pitboss's Avatar
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    my water tastes humid...
    Deathlap - cyclocross, training, beer,...escape hatch

  8. #8
    ` schloe mo's Avatar
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    too long. but here's the words i liked:

    yuengling
    snazzylooking
    Flappin'
    instanbul
    fwap fwap fwap
    sleep

  9. #9
    team mascot sr20det's Avatar
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    so damn long.
    I can't read more than 2 lines before my eyes dry out.

    just go to sleep.
    physics hertz.

  10. #10
    roll'em high shants's Avatar
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    you lose.

  11. #11
    Bike Junkie roccobike's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ink1373
    there is zero chance of me reading a block of text that large with no paragraphing.
    +1
    Roccobike BF Official Thread Terminator

  12. #12
    consistent inconsistency habitus's Avatar
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    give the guy a break, kids. i obviously didn't read it but noticed there's at least lots of punctuation.
    every scar has a story

  13. #13
    Iguana Subsystem dolface's Avatar
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    i read it, it's fun.

  14. #14
    Senior Member mattface's Avatar
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    is pissing really a "bad word"?

  15. #15
    Senior Member mattface's Avatar
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    guess not

  16. #16
    Senior Member mattface's Avatar
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    he must have said *****ing

  17. #17
    anarchy burger skelly's Avatar
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    Was there always Yuengling in NYC? For some reason I was worried there wasn't (I'm moving there soon) and was very happy to find out it is there.

  18. #18
    this portrait of karma transplant's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skelly
    Was there always Yuengling in NYC? For some reason I was worried there wasn't (I'm moving there soon) and was very happy to find out it is there.
    there is. but i do know there's none in boston....

  19. #19
    Team Beer Cynikal's Avatar
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    Man Boots...you've had a rough go at it lately.
    I'm not one for fawning over bicycles, but I do believe that our bikes communicate with us, and what this bike is saying is, "You're an idiot." BikeSnobNYC

  20. #20
    no one wants an alien FixednotBroken's Avatar
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    Instanbul!

    (y'all have short attention spans)

  21. #21
    Iguana Subsystem dolface's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FixednotBroken
    Instanbul!
    ...was constantinople

  22. #22
    summer vacation since '85 stendhalian's Avatar
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    sweet story! ...cycling in berlin is the **** , would have loved to have had a fixed when i lived there.
    good luck in getting there...from istanbul??!!

  23. #23
    i believe in me evanyc's Avatar
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    haha good read. that beer place is good stuff!

  24. #24
    no one wants an alien FixednotBroken's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dolface
    ...was constantinople
    maybe, but now it's... Instanbul! like instant coffee (!), but, you know - a city intead.

  25. #25
    SERENITY NOW!!! jyossarian's Avatar
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    you could almost be jack kerouac of the fixed gear set except there's no sex, drugs, infidelity or jazz so no one would buy that book.
    HHCMF - Take pride in your ability to amaze lesser mortals! - MikeR



    We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!

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