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  1. #1
    5,000 miles a year ChromePista's Avatar
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    Single Speed Bike beats Porsche Carrera 911

    I was on my morning commute today on my single speed Kona Unit (42Tx17T), when a Porsche Carrera 4 (911) zoomed very close past me, crowding me into the curb on a broad boulevard. This was the 6th time this summer the same driver has done this intimidating driving maneuver, so this time I rode around the parking lot at work (a hospital), found the Porsche, and took down the plate number and description of the car. The hospital police would not do anything because it happened off hospital grounds, but they did call the city police.

    A city police search of the license number showed that the culprit was a doctor at the hospital (chief of anethesiology, in fact). By this time, there were two uniformed city police as well as a three hospital police. They called this doctor in his office and had him come down to the hospital police room and gave him a good talking to. The bully arrogantly tried to defend his actions. He lied to the officers, saying he had to swerve into me this morning to avoid hitting another car (not true). One of the things he said to me later was that he would often pull up to me on my bike 4 miles from work, yet I would beat the traffic and get to the hospital before him (in his porsche). This made him mad he said, because I must be running red lights. He also said that I take up too much of the far right lane on the broad boulevard in question (also not true), so he wanted to "show me" were I should be riding (two inches from the curb apparently). He said bike riding on the street is a dangerous activity and he called me an organ donor. He tried to bargain with me, saying that he won't crowd me anymore as long as I (in turn) follow every traffic rule myself. To this I glanced at the officers and said that this (so far) is not me getting serious. Drive like that again, and I will start to get serious! That shut him up. He promised to give me plenty of room in the future. He said that when he passes me from now on, he will give me a friendly wave. I said that's fine, but don't honk.

  2. #2
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    Heehee. Well played. He probably felt like a 5 y/o kid who's just been caught playing with his dick in kindergarten.

  3. #3
    lifewaster. helloamerican's Avatar
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    nice man. it blows my mind a doctor would somehow justify 'scaring' someone with their car to save their life.

    and what a cock-trip 'my porsche HAS to beat the bike because i paid 90 grand for this thing

  4. #4
    Carnivore ThrottleJock's Avatar
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    Nothing that a nice quart of buttermilk in the windshield vents wouldn't fix. Gets so nice and curdled in the summer heat... mmmmmn.

    Okay, okay that's fighting fire with fire. But then he'd have a STINKY Porsche.
    call me "crash"

  5. #5
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    Great story. What was the reaction of the officers when they were standing there listening to him admit that he DID use his car (a weapon) to scare you?

  6. #6
    Run What 'Ya Brung bonechilling's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by helloamerican View Post
    nice man. it blows my mind a doctor would somehow justify 'scaring' someone with their car to save their life.
    You don't know many doctors, do you?

  7. #7
    jerk store mathletics's Avatar
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    Well played. It's always nice to hear about someone NOT resorting to u-lock justice.

  8. #8
    Senior Member 1fluffhead's Avatar
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    I really just want to know about the next time he sees you because I somehow feel you will not be getting a "friendly" wave.

  9. #9
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    Oh man, I'm glad you have A LOT more self control than I. If I had actually found the culprits car...parked...empty...in a parking lot...there's no judging what kind of antics I would have pulled.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1fluffhead View Post
    I really just want to know about the next time he sees you because I somehow feel you will not be getting a "friendly" wave.
    yeah I agree, this guy was pissed because you unintentionally beat him to work, but now you've called the police on him, and made him look like an idiot...something tells me he isn't quite finished with you...just be careful man.

  11. #11
    DC's Stray Cat FERAL's Avatar
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    I agree watch your back. Me I would have just poured sand down into the gas tank and watch his valves, carb, ect go to hell.
    Life is like a jar of Jalepenos. What you do today could burn your %$$ tomorrow!

  12. #12
    attention disordered What's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FERAL View Post
    I agree watch your back. Me I would have just poured sand down into the gas tank and watch his valves, carb, ect go to hell.
    Welcome to the sixth grade. Please find your seat.
    Thin line between heaven and here.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by FERAL View Post
    I agree watch your back. Me I would have just poured sand down into the gas tank and watch his valves, carb, ect go to hell.
    well ya' see, there's this thing called a 'fuel filter'...

  14. #14
    DC's Stray Cat FERAL's Avatar
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    play sand. It's extremely fine. And if a small amount can get through, well....................If not then a few gallon of syrup.
    Life is like a jar of Jalepenos. What you do today could burn your %$$ tomorrow!

  15. #15
    Ride for Life wearyourtruth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by skinnyland View Post
    Heehee. Well played. He probably felt like a 5 y/o kid who's just been caught playing with his dick in kindergarten.
    how does this make it through the language filter when ****, ****, ****, *****, and hoo-nanny make it through?

    okay maybe the last one is okay
    before posting, a "noob" should always ask themselves "could this have been answered by first visiting Sheldon Brown

    -Tim-
    www.velocipedebikeproject.org

  16. #16
    Lurker
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    Speaking of ****, ****, ****, and *****, is there a way to turn off this feature? It's been driving me nuts (Arr!) since I joined the forum, and is much more obnoxious to me than any profanity.

    /OT

  17. #17
    Senior Member Mr. Samsa's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThrottleJock View Post
    Nothing that a nice quart of buttermilk in the windshield vents wouldn't fix. Gets so nice and curdled in the summer heat... mmmmmn.

    Okay, okay that's fighting fire with fire. But then he'd have a STINKY Porsche.
    better yet, shoving cookie dough in the exhuast pipe as far as you can then using a banana to push it even deeper and leave the banana in there(given you have to break it so its not sticking out of the exhaust pipe) ...haaha
    Fvker wont know why his car wont start.....hahahah
    "Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of mankind"- H.G. Wells

  18. #18
    :jarckass: deathhare's Avatar
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    Its good the police have this on record.
    If something happens now theyll be pissed off to have to come back again to deal with Dr. ******.
    Last edited by deathhare; 08-20-07 at 05:09 PM.

  19. #19
    ¡Senor Member! time bandit's Avatar
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    OR, if you DONT feel like carrying around dough AND a banana, a potatoe works too...

    I think he's just gonna get more pissed at you, if he was getting so upset that you beat him to work. (Red light? What red light?)
    Being the ******* i am, i would've just gotten even, and left the pigs out of it...

  20. #20
    Senior Member jamey's Avatar
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    "i'm not going to fall for another banana in the tail pipe"

  21. #21
    attention disordered What's Avatar
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    Yeah, because, actually attempting to SOLVE the problem and not PERPETUATE this kind of behavior is EXACTLY what would make motorists more bold and aggressive. Not to mention the cops certainly would prefer cyclists settle disputes via middle-school vigilantism when faced with moronic drivers.
    Thin line between heaven and here.

  22. #22
    i read this at work dblock's Avatar
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  23. #23
    *****es love tarck kemmer's Avatar
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    It must have been fun to watch him squirm, though it sounds like he kept his smug sense of entitlement almost to the bitter end. I can't believe he actually tried to get you to say you'd obey every law before agreeing not to run you off the road anymore. I say he still deserves a little milk in the heater vents. Who says you have to choose between shenanigans and calling the cops. Just wait a couple weeks and make sure he can't pin it on you somehow.

  24. #24
    :jarckass: deathhare's Avatar
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    If its like any other hospital, the lots are on camera. They may not see you do it but theyll have it on tape that can be reviewed.
    Im not sure what the OP does for a living but im pretty sure having to pay to have the stench flushed out of the vents of a Porsche would put a nice dent in anyone's paycheck.
    Find him elsewhere.

  25. #25
    *****es love tarck kemmer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by deathhare View Post
    If its like any other hospital, the lots are on camera. They may not see you do it but theyll have it on tape that can be reviewed.
    Im not sure what the OP does for a living but im pretty sure having to pay to have the stench flushed out of the vents of a Porsche would put a nice dent in anyone's paycheck.
    Find him elsewhere.
    You might also not want to do it while on a bike. If someone sees "some guy on a bike" messing with it, you can bet they'll blame you. OTOH, you could always say "I guess he hasn't quit ****ing with people on bikes".

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