So, I meet up with my buddies for Irish pub quiz at the local watering hole. After the quiz, people start heading out, we grab our usual booth (in front window, right next to our bikes) and have a few beers. I run out for a quick smoke and see a rather shady looking character pull up on a full suspension bike and stash it in an unused doorway right next to the bar entrance...(didn't look too close, thought it was just a cheap department store bike).
So... shady character walks into the bar, goes directly to the bathroom and starts doing lines off of the sink and offering coke to a regular. Guy is kicked out within a minute or two. He sees my buddy's Raleigh Olympian brakeless conversion (hoopty'd out with gold rattle-canned wheels, gold bar tape and cheap combo-chain lock that actually matches the whole ensemble).
In a moment of intense wisdom, he decides that he needs this bike. He puts his foot on the light pole and yanks as hard as he can, breaking the cheap combo lock. This is where the hilarity starts.
A running mount on a bike with a fixed wheel isn't too hard, provided you have ridden one for a couple days/weeks/months/years and are familiar with the basic concept of no freewheel.
Before I go any further, a little background... We live in a town of ~80,000 people, built on a hill with about 10-20 people who ride single-speeds for every day use, and even fewer running a fixed wheel... so your average bike-thief has no clue on how to ride, let alone do a running mount of a direct-drive bike...
He made it 15 feet.
He tried to do the sprint along left side of bike, put left foot on left pedal, swing right leg over seat and take off with your newly-stolen bike.
He failed, bad.
So far, he is about 5 seconds into his theft and face down on the ground. He had was probably trying to figure out what is happening when I reach him. Imagine lying face down on the ground after crashing some unrideable bike and having a 200 lb 6'2" ice climber/biker grab you by the hood and drag you down the street, away from the bar entrance, then pin you down and wait for backup....
This is where it gets even funnier, I dragged him down by the doorway where the thief had stashed the bike he rode in on... and start laughing my arse off....
My friend's conversion cost ~$100 for wheels, free frame, $5 for gold spraypaint and $10 for the fancy gold grip-tape. The bike thief had rolled in on a full-suspension Specialized Stumpjumper M4!
So the cops show up and we hand him over to them. We explain the whole thing, laughing the whole time. The cops couldn't believe how stupid the thief was and thanked us for stopping him and recovering the M4.
I'm still laughing, almost 12 hours later.