These are FUNNY! I just had to pass this along...I am sure everyone could use a good laugh
Halloween costumes for cyclists
By Elden "Fatty" Nelson
As a cyclist, you are much, much better equipped for Halloween than
average person. Why? Because you already wear outrageous costumes on
Think about it. Even though you are a (presumably) sane adult, you
shirt that would look much more at home on a superhero. You wear
are much, much too tight, as if you were on your way to lead a
class. You wear a hat that belongs on an alien.
And, to top the whole look off, you wear what sound and look like
It's no wonder, then, that cyclists tend to be pretty lazy about
for Halloween parties. Instead of putting time and money into it,
show up in the outfit you rode to the party in. Hey, why not? A
completes the effect, right?
What you don't realize, though, is that all your friends, family and
co-workers are rolling their eyes at your lack of
imagination. "There goes
Tim," they say, "pretending again that his cycling outfit is a
It doesn't have to be that way, my friend.
By spending just a few extra minutes, you can alter your cycling
the evening, making it so you're not just "a cyclist" at the party,
very particular sort of cyclist. Simply follow these easy
Doping Cyclist: Dress up in full pro kit. Use a marker to draw
up and down one arm. Tie a length of surgical tubing above one elbow
leave a syringe sticking out of your vein. Wheel around an IV tower
duration of the party. Stuff your jersey pockets with bottles of
anyone asks what / who you are, respond that you are a professional
When they ask what all the needles and drugs are for, say you have
what they're talking about. No matter what, do not admit you have any
drug-related items on hand.
Mountain Biker (If You're normally a Roadie): Prepare for the party
gaining 10Kg and getting 20-30 tattoos. Wear baggy pants -- baggy
that they keep falling down. Arrive drunk at the party and continue
once you get there. Insist you have mad skillz.
Roadie (If You're normally a Mountain Biker): Prepare for the party
putting a stick in your butt. Wear uncomfortably tight cycling
the party, drink nothing put thrice-filtered water and tell everyone
how many calories and fat everything they're eating contains.
Triathlete: Don't come to the party, because you've only done four
today and still need to get in one more and you don't want to break
training, no matter what.
Recreational Cyclist: Wear street clothes with your right pant leg
completely greasy and shredded. Wear a bike helmet backwards and
one side. Tell people that you're starting to bike again to get back
Commuter: Wear street clothes, but carry a backpack or messenger bag
what are clearly stinky bike clothes the entire evening. Make your
hair extremely obvious. Keep looking for opportunities to casually
the fact that you are a bike commuter into every single conversation
which you participate.
Fixie / Track Cyclist: Dress the same as a road cyclist, but you
either keep walking or -- if you must stay in one place -- you must
trackstand by moving a couple inches forward, then back, then
See? Easy, effective, and totally transformational. Nobody will
you. Better start preparing that "Best Costume" acceptance speech now