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  1. #1
    Spinning like a gerbel spingineer's Avatar
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    Halloween Costumes for Cyclists

    You've probably seen these all before, but just in case you haven't, here's a good chuckle:

    8 Halloween costumes for cyclists

    As a cyclist, you are much, much better equipped for Halloween than
    the average person. Why? Because you already wear outrageous
    costumes on a daily basis.

    Think about it. Even though you are a (presumably) sane adult, you
    wear a shirt that would look much more at home on a superhero. You
    wear shorts that are much, much too tight, as if you were on your
    way to lead a jazzercize class. You wear a hat that belongs on an
    alien. And, to top the whole look off, you wear what sound and look
    like tap-dancing shoes.

    It's no wonder, then, that cyclists tend to be pretty lazy about
    dressing up for Halloween parties. Instead of putting time and money
    into it, you just show up in the outfit you rode to the party in.
    Hey, why not? A little sweat completes the effect, right?

    What you don't realize, though, is that all your friends, family and
    co-workers are rolling their eyes at your lack of imagination. "There
    goes Tim," they say, "pretending again that his cycling outfit is a
    Halloween costume." It doesn't have to be that way, my friend.
    By spending just a few extra minutes, you can alter your cycling
    outfit; for the evening, making it so you're not just "a cyclist" at
    the party, but a very particular sort of cyclist. Simply follow
    these easy instructions.

    Doping Cyclist: Dress up in full pro kit. Use a marker to draw needle
    tracks up and down one arm. Tie a length of surgical tubing above one
    elbow and leave a syringe sticking out of your vein. Wheel around
    an IV tower for the duration of the party. Stuff your jersey pockets
    with bottles of drugs. When anyone asks what / who you are, respond
    that you are a professional cyclist. When they ask what all the
    needles and drugs are for, say you have no idea what they're talking
    about. No matter what, do not admit you have any drug-related items
    on hand.

    Mountain Biker (If You're normally a Roadie): Prepare for the party
    by gaining 10Kg and getting 20-30 tattoos. Wear baggy pants -- baggy
    enough that they keep falling down. Arrive drunk at the party and
    continue to drink once you get there. Insist you have mad skillz.

    Roadie (If You're normally a Mountain Biker): Prepare for the party
    by putting a stick in your butt. Wear uncomfortably tight cycling
    clothes for the party, drink nothing put thrice-filtered water and
    tell everyone exactly how many calories and fat everything they're
    eating contains.

    Triathlete: Don't come to the party, because you've only done four
    workouts today and still need to get in one more and you don't want
    to break training, no matter what.

    Recumbent Rider: Tape your glasses together, somehow manage to affix
    a pocket protector to your jersey, and loudly and insistently
    explain to all and sundry that recumbents are really much more
    comfortable and practical than "wedge" bikes. Talk a lot about
    prostates.

    Recreational Cyclist: Wear street clothes with your right pant leg
    cuff completely greasy and shredded. Wear a bike helmet backwards and
    cocked to one side. Tell people that you're starting to bike again
    to get back in shape.

    Commuter: Wear street clothes, but carry a backpack or messenger bag
    full of what are clearly stinky bike clothes the entire evening. Make
    your helmet hair extremely obvious. Keep looking for opportunities to
    casually introduce the fact that you are a bike commuter into every
    single conversation in which you participate.

    Fixie / Track Cyclist: Dress the same as a road cyclist, but you must
    always either keep walking or -- if you must stay in one place -- you
    must trackstand by moving a couple inches forward, then back, then
    forward and back again.
    I'm in it to finish it.

    My Cycling Blog

  2. #2
    In beaurocratic limbo urbanknight's Avatar
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    lol nice
    "Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want... Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about." (Richard Dreyfus as Glenn Holland)

  3. #3
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    Most are good, but the fixed gear is totally wrong.

    Grow a scruffy beard, cut your pants off below the knees, wear thick black-framed glasses and a cycling cap, an 'ironic' t-shirt, and a bag over one shoulder.

    Carry around a PBR and tease everyone else for needing gears.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Marrock's Avatar
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    You really should credit the one you "borrow" your post from...
    "Engineering! It's like math, but louder."

  5. #5
    In beaurocratic limbo urbanknight's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by schnee View Post
    Most are good, but the fixed gear is totally wrong.

    Grow a scruffy beard, cut your pants off below the knees, wear thick black-framed glasses and a cycling cap, an 'ironic' t-shirt, and a bag over one shoulder.

    Carry around a PBR and tease everyone else for needing gears.
    Yeah, there should have been a distinction between track and messenger.
    "Well, I guess you can cut the arts as much as you want... Sooner or later, these kids aren't going to have anything to read or write about." (Richard Dreyfus as Glenn Holland)

  6. #6
    Dagger Boy Extort's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marrock View Post
    You really should credit the one you "borrow" your post from...
    or the original post...

    Women think they're so clever because they can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship, but men can fake a whole relationship for the sake of an orgasm.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Marrock's Avatar
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    Yeah, that too.
    "Engineering! It's like math, but louder."

  8. #8
    Spinning like a gerbel spingineer's Avatar
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    I didn't see the original post. It was actually an email that a friend forwarded to me ... oh well ... I guess it's going around the Internet.
    I'm in it to finish it.

    My Cycling Blog

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