Halloween Costumes for Cyclists
You've probably seen these all before, but just in case you haven't, here's a good chuckle:
8 Halloween costumes for cyclists
As a cyclist, you are much, much better equipped for Halloween than
the average person. Why? Because you already wear outrageous
costumes on a daily basis.
Think about it. Even though you are a (presumably) sane adult, you
wear a shirt that would look much more at home on a superhero. You
wear shorts that are much, much too tight, as if you were on your
way to lead a jazzercize class. You wear a hat that belongs on an
alien. And, to top the whole look off, you wear what sound and look
like tap-dancing shoes.
It's no wonder, then, that cyclists tend to be pretty lazy about
dressing up for Halloween parties. Instead of putting time and money
into it, you just show up in the outfit you rode to the party in.
Hey, why not? A little sweat completes the effect, right?
What you don't realize, though, is that all your friends, family and
co-workers are rolling their eyes at your lack of imagination. "There
goes Tim," they say, "pretending again that his cycling outfit is a
Halloween costume." It doesn't have to be that way, my friend.
By spending just a few extra minutes, you can alter your cycling
outfit; for the evening, making it so you're not just "a cyclist" at
the party, but a very particular sort of cyclist. Simply follow
these easy instructions.
Doping Cyclist: Dress up in full pro kit. Use a marker to draw needle
tracks up and down one arm. Tie a length of surgical tubing above one
elbow and leave a syringe sticking out of your vein. Wheel around
an IV tower for the duration of the party. Stuff your jersey pockets
with bottles of drugs. When anyone asks what / who you are, respond
that you are a professional cyclist. When they ask what all the
needles and drugs are for, say you have no idea what they're talking
about. No matter what, do not admit you have any drug-related items
Mountain Biker (If You're normally a Roadie): Prepare for the party
by gaining 10Kg and getting 20-30 tattoos. Wear baggy pants -- baggy
enough that they keep falling down. Arrive drunk at the party and
continue to drink once you get there. Insist you have mad skillz.
Roadie (If You're normally a Mountain Biker): Prepare for the party
by putting a stick in your butt. Wear uncomfortably tight cycling
clothes for the party, drink nothing put thrice-filtered water and
tell everyone exactly how many calories and fat everything they're
Triathlete: Don't come to the party, because you've only done four
workouts today and still need to get in one more and you don't want
to break training, no matter what.
Recumbent Rider: Tape your glasses together, somehow manage to affix
a pocket protector to your jersey, and loudly and insistently
explain to all and sundry that recumbents are really much more
comfortable and practical than "wedge" bikes. Talk a lot about
Recreational Cyclist: Wear street clothes with your right pant leg
cuff completely greasy and shredded. Wear a bike helmet backwards and
cocked to one side. Tell people that you're starting to bike again
to get back in shape.
Commuter: Wear street clothes, but carry a backpack or messenger bag
full of what are clearly stinky bike clothes the entire evening. Make
your helmet hair extremely obvious. Keep looking for opportunities to
casually introduce the fact that you are a bike commuter into every
single conversation in which you participate.
Fixie / Track Cyclist: Dress the same as a road cyclist, but you must
always either keep walking or -- if you must stay in one place -- you
must trackstand by moving a couple inches forward, then back, then
forward and back again.