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  1. #1
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    Worlds colliding - George isn't happy

    My wife and I have always had communication issues, I don't have patience and she'd rather tell you how the watch is built as opposed to the time. Unfortuantely my motto ha always been, "don't tell me about the pregnancy, just show me the baby". Its a genetic thing, I'm 100% German, no patience and highly efficient.

    I'd thought tandeming would help and we do ok as a team, but now I am having to share my ONLY set of close "buds". I've been riding with the same core group since I've started riding, going on 7 years now. My wife has just started riding her single bike I bought for her 6 years ago and is joining are group recovery rides, read as a slower pace. I value this time alone, sans wife & kids. I don't play golf, poker or go to the bar for de-stressing.

    For me, the tandem is not as fun, the bike is not as comfortable and it seems I'm doing all the work and she is always there. I know, I know that's whats so great about tandeming the closeness, team work etc, etc.

    I'm I being too selfish or not looking at the whole thing quite right? Any similar experiences? Any and all input would be greatly appreciated.

  2. #2
    hors category TandemGeek's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BNA roadie
    I'm I being too selfish or not looking at the whole thing quite right? Any similar experiences? Any and all input would be greatly appreciated.
    Sounds like you need to fence off some of your riding time to be with your 'buds'... sans, well you know. Seriously though, as much as I truly enjoy the quality time I get riding with my wife, on the tandem or singles, it's reasonable to suggest a similar amount of quality time should be allowed for any captain (or stoker) to enjoy cycling with their regular, pre-tandem cycling groups.

    My suggestion would be to have that discussion with your wife vs. letting a bunch of animosity build up, noting that no matter how hard you try to hide it your actions and words will give you away, and nothing good can come from that. Only you will know if this will be a touchy subject so I'll leave the strategy for it to you; however, I'd really suggest you have the discussion sooner than later if you want to keep riding the tandem... your current dissatisfaction with the tandem WILL eventually (if it hasnt' done so already) begin to be shared by your wife. It would certainly help if she has any similar activities that she participates in with her friends, be it daily, weekly, monthly, etc. that you could use to segue into a discussion about needed some time with your friends but, if not, it's certainly not a barrier as we all have different needs.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts. Air yours to your wife and try to find someway of spicing-up your tandem riding, perhaps by hooking up with some other tandems once a month via a local tandem club, taking in a rally, or adding destinations such as a brunch or lunch stop into your plans if you haven't done any of those things thus far.
    Last edited by TandemGeek; 09-11-05 at 08:44 AM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member zonatandem's Avatar
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    Communication is the key to a relationship, whether as a couple or as a couple riding in tandem.
    Talk it out . . . both of you!

  4. #4
    Senior Member Old Hammer Boy's Avatar
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    Life's too short to sweat the little things. Chill, relax and have fun. This is a hobby, not a life altering activity. Work on that impatience thing. It really only takes some of the sweetness out of life, increasing stress and not letting you enjoy things to their full extent. Be happy that you have a partner who will commit to you. Take some time to smell the roses... OHB

  5. #5
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    i'm not sure why you thought tandeming would help your communication skills. i would buy her a heart rate monitor and you one too, and just try to coax eachother into a good healthy heart rate. you should be excited she wants to ride more , it's good for her too. you must still get to ride with your bros on the faster rides, so hta must be time away from wife and kids. maybe you could do your recovery rides on the tandem. that way were would not feel like your intruding on your buddies time.a enjoy your time with your wife on the tandem and stop for lunch or picnics, or have a destination and make the tandem thing just a fun time together, you are not out to set records right? just try to get as much effort from her as possible( hence the heart rate monitor) and take it from there. i would be glad she is getting into biking if i were you. if you are not then perhaps the tandem was a bad idea.
    bob

  6. #6
    Senior Member Wildwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by BNA roadie
    Any and all input would be greatly appreciated.
    One dump while sitting at a stoplight and she'll be out of your cycling life in a flash. Just don't let it appear too obvious.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Brian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wildwood
    One dump while sitting at a stoplight and she'll be out of your cycling life in a flash. Just don't let it appear too obvious.
    Probably a bit more drastic than he was thinking. On that note, I was tinkering with our tandem today, and took it for a few quick rides up and down the street. Right then, my wife's friend pulled up, and said something to the effect of "Did she fall off at a light?", as she gestured to the empty stoker seat. Ok, it was funnier when she said it.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Wildwood's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Expatriate
    Probably a bit more drastic than he was thinking.
    I was just kidding!

  9. #9
    Senior Member cheg's Avatar
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    A tandem is like an amplifier. If you have problems with control or communication off the bike the tandem won't change it, just make it more obvious.

    As far as wanting ride time with your friends, it sounds like another communication problem. Tell you wife what you want, not a bunch of strangers on the internet.

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