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Thread: Wife and Tandem

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    I am trying to convince my wife to get on a tamdem with me but she won't even listen to reason like spending time together, etc. If anyone has dealt with this type of problem how hove you over come the objections?

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    wife and tandem

    Hope this doesn't disappoint you, but I tried for a number of years to interest my wife in trying a tandem to no avail. I'm an avid biker and thought this would be a way to spend some time together. Well, she is now an x-wife and my fiance and I rented a tandem last summer, then borrowed a couple to try and bought one in march. We have been having a blast on it and are heading to Vermont for our fist multiday tour this week.we rented one on vacation, so that is my recommendation, go on vacation, rent one just for fun and give it a shot, maybe just maybe she'll come around. Good luck!

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    Wife Alert

    Frembo,
    The very best way to get your wife interested in tandeming is to find another tandem couple where the wife/stoker is having a gas. Go out with them. Ask the wife/stoker to talk to your wife. Stay out of the conversation and let her convince your wife for you. If she bites go on a ride with the other couple. You on solo, your wife stoking for an experienced captain.
    On the down sinde, there are certain issues that will be magnified on a tandem, like if your wife isn't comfortable trusting her skin to her wild eyed husband.
    But definately give it a shot. If you get it together it's a blast.
    bb

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    I am stoker on our tandem and at first I was very reluctant, in fact, as a non-driver, non-cyclist, I was quite frightened. As stoker you are putting your total trust in the pilot, and no matter how much you love and trust that person, it is still a leap of faith. Eventually though, I was persuaded, (I agreed eventually to stop him nagging!:wink Well, we borrowed one from friends, not their best one but one which had been land transport for Noah and his family on the Ark, it was ancient, appeared to have been constructed from scaffolding and had an old 3-speed Sturmey Archer for gearing, and 3 brakes, one of which was operated by the stoker with a foot-pedal!!
    Well we packed a picnic and set off. Quiet back lanes - just as well, my lack of natural balance and shaky nerves had us all over the road - even so we managed 10 miles that day and I thoroughly enjoyed myself, (I think Malcom was a bit fraught tho'! Our favourite pub fixed that! )
    Next thing we were building 'Mirabelle' our own tandem, (Don't worry, I'm not mad, :blush: just eccentric - I name everything, it makes swearing at them more satisfying - you should try it!)
    That was 12 years ago and my only regret is that I missed so many years of pleasure.
    Get your wife to read this and if she's still doubtful, tell her to e-mail me and we'll talk about it!

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    or, how to convince the husband? my sweet non-cycling husband and i tried a tandem on vacation recently (yes, my idea). uh : cough cough: it did not work out.

    the issue: mysweet non-cycling husband insisted i captain (that is, "sit at the front"), as he knows nothing about bikes. um, okay. it's true that he has some balance issues, especially when looking behind (shoulders front, sweetie!).

    well, you can probably guess, but with my stoker having a good 50-60 pounds on me, i did not... how would you say... feel quite in control. ok, it was tandem mania and we were lucky that the town of victoria bc did not give us a ticket for reckless use of a tandem.

    we gave up and switched to two bikes, which was much less mentally draining to say the least. but i would like to try it again... it seems so fun... i want to be one of those cycling couples! maybe someone can give me some tips? altho fairly non-squirrely elsewhere i'm no tandem expert myself.

    -jb

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    Dear 'junebride'
    if you want to try again, see if you can beg, steal, borrow or even hire a recumbent tandem trike!!
    They are the greatest fun, extremely manageable and even I can pilot one, and I can't ride a solo bike!!
    In the UK a company, Crystal Engineering, produces 'The Gem', which is a 'side-by-side' 'bent tryke for two, which is very companionable, but not so easy cornering!
    Anyway, keep pitching, tandemania takes a lot of beating and besides, you're less likely to kose each other in traffic.

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    It is either they like it or they don't. I used to do a lot of single riding, commuting and centuries. It took a lot of time away from her, so I told her that she can come along with me and some fellow cyclist. We got a MTB tandem and from there we got a road tandem and now she is hooked. Of all things, she likes to go fast. Wonder?
    Ride well and be kind to others
    OldShacker

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    Don't nag her!
    We rode single bikes and did centuries back in early 70s.
    For 20th wedding anniversary brought home a tandem. Her reaction: 'What are you trying to do, kill me?'
    Just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary; tandeming for 30 years; and have covered (as of 2004) over 200,000 miles (that's the correct amount of zeros) of riding TWOgether! . . . and yes, we are stilll HAPPILY married and tandeming!

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    Quote Originally Posted by kirbyvv
    Hope this doesn't disappoint you, but I tried for a number of years to interest my wife in trying a tandem to no avail. I'm an avid biker and thought this would be a way to spend some time together. Well, she is now an x-wife and my fiance and I rented a tandem last summer, then borrowed a couple to try and bought one in march. We have been having a blast on it and are heading to Vermont for our fist multiday tour this week.we rented one on vacation, so that is my recommendation, go on vacation, rent one just for fun and give it a shot, maybe just maybe she'll come around. Good luck!
    I have to agree with Kirby on this one. We rented a tandem one weekend while we were in Monterey and rode it to Pebble Beach for the day. Let me tell you, after that trip she fell in love with the idea and we bought one not long after that. It's the best thing we did for our marriage and after a few months, it's turned into an every weekend thing. Pick a romantic spot, beautiful weather, and a picnic lunch. That was our winning combo. In fact, Santana Tandems is having a 3 day tour there in September.

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    Quote Originally Posted by zonatandem
    Don't nag her!
    We rode single bikes and did centuries back in early 70s.
    For 20th wedding anniversary brought home a tandem. Her reaction: 'What are you trying to do, kill me?'
    Just celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary; tandeming for 30 years; and have covered (as of 2004) over 200,000 miles (that's the correct amount of zeros) of riding TWOgether! . . . and yes, we are stilll HAPPILY married and tandeming!
    Zonatandem. You two are legends and an inspiration to us all. Long may you continue to turn those cranks.
    As to how to get a wife onto a tandem. I agree with all the other postings. Try a very short, easy, senic ride with something of interest as a destination ( Lake, waterfall etc). Stop for a picnic or caffe on the way or as the destination.
    Being able to do things together certainly makes a relationship stronger. We also have a double kayak. Which are also called divorce boats, but we love it. Both these activites have taken Sue from being a spectator to becoming a participator.
    We are having the opposite trouble with my brother inlaw. His wife wants to go on the tandem as she has stoked for me. But he won't have any of it. "Why should I drag her around". Is his reply. He is very fit.
    Good luck

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    Before we bought our tandem my wife already enjoyed cycling, but didn't like getting dropped every time we went up a hill. I also found it some what frustrating having to keep my speed down on the flat and wait at the top of every hill. The ideal solution was a tandem and we haven't looked back since we had it. I won't ever persuade my wife to race though, so that's my domain and she has her karate.

    Ian

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    Don't give up on taking out heavier stokers. It works.

    Just guessing, because we don't know enough, but I bet your husband hadn't been out on a bike much at that time. If he had kept his center of gravity in the plane of the frame, you would have had no trouble. He probably did not do that. Put him on rollers for a couple of hours, and you will get a better stoker back. The other thing I have done is to put the tandem on top of the fog line (the white line at the outside edge of the lane), and tell the stoker to keep it there. Feedback is what is gotten in both of these cases.

    Two examples:

    1) Miji Reoch, world-class cyclist, used to take out heavier male stokers on a lugged, custom, single-side drive Bob Jackson (?) tandem.

    2) I am a wispy fellow of 6'2", 184-200 lbs, and I have taken out 6'4", 240lb stokers. 440lbs of motor, it was a good day.....

    There are a lot of good threads here, but one thing I always like to say is that the tandem must fit if you want to keep doing this. It is a good idea to buy a relatively inexpensive tandem to start with, with the idea that if you don't agree with conventional ideas about fit, that you will upgrade relatively soon. Or you could just read up about tandems with extended stoker compartments first, and skip the first step.

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    My girlfriend and I are both strong cyclists, but we had never tried a tandem and, although I was curious, she always rejected the idea out of hand. I simply waited until a weak moment when she wasn't in her right mind (the day after she'd done a hilly double century).

    We were staying with enthusiastic tandem riding friends and they and I took advantage of the situation and convinced her to take a short spin. That was all it took. We both loved it. Now we try to get a long tandem ride in at least once a week. This Saturday, for instance, we took a tour of the Monterey Bay Region bakeries, visiting Carmel, Monterey, San Juan Bautista, Watsonville, Santa Cruz, Pacific Grove & Pebble Beach (which was congested with slow moving cars due to some upcoming golf thing).

    We always loved riding our bikes together, but tandeming takes it to a whole new level. The best parts are that we can talk to each any time we want to -- not just when traffic conditions allow us to ride side by side -- that no one ever has to go slow or wait for the other, and that we get where we're going faster and with less effort.

    They say that couples either love tandems or hate them. Although I'm new at this, my guess is that it only works if the stoker really trusts the captain AND is able/willing to smoothly follow the captain's lead in terms of balance, etc.

    So keep trying to get her on a tandem. There's no other way of finding out whether or not it's right for you!

    BTW, the bakery in San Juan is the best. Stock up there and don't bother with the others.

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    Quote Originally Posted by twonbike
    Zonatandem. You two are legends and an inspiration to us all. Long may you continue to turn those cranks.
    As to how to get a wife onto a tandem. I agree with all the other postings. Try a very short, easy, senic ride with something of interest as a destination ( Lake, waterfall etc). Stop for a picnic or caffe on the way or as the destination.
    Being able to do things together certainly makes a relationship stronger. We also have a double kayak. Which are also called divorce boats, but we love it. Both these activites have taken Sue from being a spectator to becoming a participator.
    We are having the opposite trouble with my brother inlaw. His wife wants to go on the tandem as she has stoked for me. But he won't have any of it. "Why should I drag her around". Is his reply. He is very fit.
    Good luck
    Hi Guys
    Just an update on the brother inlaw and wife on a tandem. After being nagged by his sister for weeks he relented and said he would try it. We have just come back from a 2 day CC tour. Five of us. Sue & I on the Thorn, Hugh & Fee on the Raliiegh and Sarah their daugter on a MTB. THe tour had one really good hill. The rest was undulating. We all had a ball. Hugh enjoyed ridding with his wife, Fee made it up all the hills along with everyone else. Sarah was peeved she wasn't on a tandem. She spent 2 hrs on it, on a lovely gentle valley floor, we had to prize her off when the hills came, for Fee to get back on. All in all a very positive experience.
    They never said lets do it again, so guess it's time to put the Raliegh on the market.
    Cheers Brian & Sue

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    She won't enjoy it until she's ready to, and pressuring her into it isn't going to work. I rode for 5 years and suggested it a number of times and she always said no. A couple of months ago she brings it up and says why don't we get one. We found an early '90's Burley Duet on e-Bay and I think she's hooked. Today was our fourth time out and we did 44 miles. She's napping as I type.

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    I don't even remember why my husband & I decided to get a tandem. I know we had seen other couples on them and thought it looks neat, then my husband made a list of all the positive things about a tandem. He said I wouldn't have to worry about steering, shifting or braking and I wouldn't get dropped on the hills. We were going to rent a tandem when we were in Tahoe but decided against it at the last minute-to many other things on the trip had gone wrong. When we got back from our trip we decided to go to our local bike shop and try one out. My husband rode a couple by himself to see how they handled (I didnt' get on-had never been on one before in my life, and wasn't a very good cyclist on my single). We ordered one and then when it did arrive we were thrilled. One thing I must say, is I wish we had found an experienced couple to take us on our first ride. When we took are first ride, it was down right scary for both of us. It took everything I could NOT to scream, it felt like we were going 100 miles an hr. when we were probably doing 10. After a couple of hours of practicing, I calmed down and we ended up doing about a 30 mile ride and I must say I really enjoyed it. We have now had it about a year and a half with over 2000 miles on it and I enjoy it more each time. You really do have to have complete trust in your captain and your captain has to be willing to change to suit the stocker, going at the speed they are comfortable at etc. It took my husband a little while to realize if he didn't slow down some, I wasn't going to ride with him any more. After we settled our differences and came to a good understanding of each other and what we wanted to do, it all worked out for both of us. Now I wouldn't give up the tandem for anything, I would probably give up my single bike before the tandem.

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    Don't give up... Don't ever give up...

    We've been married for 15 years; the last time my wife went cycling with me was when we were engaged. I'd given up on riding with her. I put in thousands of miles per year, she prefers not to do any.

    I've owned a tandem for a year now--not for riding with the wife, mind you, but for taking out the two oldest kids. We've got a thousand miles or so on it and have a ball, even if we're not that fast. Anyway, perhaps the kids (10 and 9 years old) have been talking to Mom, I don't know, but she asked me yesterday--totally out of the blue--if I'd like to take her for a ride!! Well, I about broke my neck getting the tandem down and raising the saddle to fit her.

    We took a spin around the neighborhood just to try it out. She's much heavier (like 50 pounds more than the oldest child) but much, much stronger as well. Without much effort on my part, I found us traveling several mph faster than I generally ride on my single bike, instead of the several mph under that the kids and I ride! Felt like we were flying. The braking distance, however, was also much longer; I overshot a downhill turn and had to ride around the block once. Obviously it was a new experience for me as well as for her. I asked her if she was up for more; she agreed. We took a short loop down by the river and back, ended up a total of 11 miles for the day.

    When asked, she admitted it wasn't as scary as she'd thought and perhaps we could go out again sometime. I figure I'll wait for her suggestion, though--don't want to push my luck.

    Miracles are still with us, I tell you...
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    If after all this advice and it still doesn't work. Then keep your tandem and trade in your wife ...

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    If you're still considering a tandem, I'd recommend visiting a good tandem shop. Santana provides excellent sales training and advice for their dealers. If you visit a true tandem shop and get the right employee, an introduction to tandemming can be wonderful for captain and stoker alike.
    Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes you could possibly make is simply renting/borrowing a tandem and hitting the road. If you're an inexperienced captain, you could end up digging your own grave. A good experienced captain will make for an enjoyable introduction to riding as a pair - this is crucial in convincing someone new to the experience.
    There's nothing worse than the stereotypical couple: macho husband forcing the tandem idea on the timid wife. (please don't jump all over me - I said it was a stereotype!!) An experienced tandem dealer will know how to defuse this and myriad other dysfunctional situations. A few hours spent learning the ropes should leave both of you hungry for more riding as one.
    Find a good shop and discover the wonders of riding together!
    Good luck!
    PS For all of you captains out there - try this.... Wear a blindfold and take a few laps around the block as a stoker. You'll gain a whole new level of respect for what your stoker goes through!

  20. #20
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    JuneBride,

    With the differing abilities of you and your husband, I think you definitely have to be in front. Weight is a small factor, but experience is a much more important one, and putting an ineperienced rider at the front is asking for trouble. I would suggest you read Santana's tips which are posted here.

    After that:

    1. Practice riding your tandem by yourself. If possible, put two heavy rear panniers as an "immobile husband".

    2. If at all possible, you might "load" your husband to an experienced tandem rider that will train him to behave properly.

    3. Ride with him. Take it slowly at first, so you build up your arm strength and train your husband. After a wile, you will succeed on the first or on both aspects and will be able to ride for long.
    Michel Gagnon
    Montréal (Québec, Canada)

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    I see you guys have posted some good advice. I just hope it wasn't all the for the members that posted in this thread 4-5 years ago. They've probably worked out their issues by now.

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    My wife actually suggested the tandem, mainly because we would ride solo together and she was always left in my dust. "Sorry honey I just can't ride that slow" she likes to take an easy ride I like to ride like I'm in the Tour De France. So we bought a tandem 10 years ago we love it.

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    Yes indeed. Good stuff here. I am a cyclist of 12 years (mountian and road) and am embarking on a tandem tryout at the local shop this satuday with my wife who is very much a Non cyclist. Should be fun. Will let you all know what happens. Yes the shop is a well know tandem dealer too which will help.

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    I'm also one of the lucky ones. The photo show us tandeming on our wedding day. It was followed by a two week tandem trip including attending a tandem rally. This was 30 years ago. My wife is very independent (perhaps a little bossy) but she trusts me on the bike. I don't surprise her on the bike, no abrupt changes of directions, speeding through red lights, announce bumps and try to keep the pedaling cadence compatible for both of us. We have fun on the bike together.
    As has been mentioned, some riding with an other experienced tandemer may help. Santana has a good methodology for this.
    Michael
    Attached Images Attached Images

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    I just noticed that this thread is OLD! I wonder how such an old thread gets restarted. In case anyone is still interested, I'll put in my 2 cents worth for any newbies! My wife and I have been married for 38 years and have always biked...more often then not, separately! We have been riding with a club for about 21 years. We would usually go out on separate rides at different paces. We bought a Burley Duet in 1990, and started riding with a great group of tandem couples. About 10 years ago, my wife kind of burnt out. She was not driven to always go fast and look for hills. She especially didn't appreciate flying down hills at 50+ mph! She started to ride her single and we started to get back on the tandem about 1 1/2 years ago, and we have been loving it! I have made up my mind that she and I ride for different reasons and I would need to compromise if we were to continue. Now, if we go on a club ride, we meet the group along the way to shorten the mileage-40 miles is her limit. We select rides that are flat or rolling, and we accept that we are not going to kill ourselves to keep up with singles uphill and from stoplights. Unfortunately, most of our local tandem compadres have retired and moved away, but we make it a point to get out as often as possible with the few that remain. It is definitely more fun to ride with other tandems. Last october, we moved to a later Santana Visa and modified it with 9 speed and new wheels and brakes. Because, I think, my wife is feeling less pressure to perform, and more relaxed, she is riding better and enjoying it more than she ever has. She is also in the best shape she has ever been in.
    I think that the key is to remember that just as riding a tandem is the blending of two riders skills and power, it also must reflect both riders goals. The captain can't be Captain Blye!
    Also, it is important to encourage your stoker to still get out on a single bike to maintain his or her skills and most importantly strength. The stronger rider will take over more and more of the effort if you are not carefull.
    Last edited by steve53mg; 09-24-10 at 01:51 PM.

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