Hmmmm.. You are a female sitting in the captains compartment that you may relinquish if and when your guy shows an interest in riding 'twogether'. However, at the moment would it be fair to say that you do not have the EXACT handlebar, seat and pedal relationships that you have on your single bike? Well... that would be a place to start. If you can manage to put the flat bars where the flat part of the drop bars on your single are, and at the same height (or a bit higher) you might find your hand pain issues diminishing. You might need a somewhat shorter stem (horizontal) than what is standard on the bike if it was sized for the typical couple i.e. guy up front, woman out back. If you do nothing else, try putting your handlebars higher than they are now. Insanely higher, 4", 5", 6" higher. That's Dutch Workbike territory. Your hands will not... cannot hurt with your bars at that altitude. Try that out for a few days and work back down to a more aerodynamic (and cooler looking) forward lean. FWIW.