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Thread: Dirty Tricks.

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    Dirty Tricks.

    This seems a nice, friendly, helpful forum; but we all know that there are real evil goings-on in the rufty-tufty nitty-gritty real world of cycle touring.
    Let's hear what you really get upto!
    Three of my favorites, to start things off.

    How to slow down a faster touring companion:
    When they are not looking; whip out their seat post and put a handful of sand in the frame tube. Do this every day and they will get slower and slower while you get fitter and faster.

    How to speed up a slower touring companion:
    Sprint away at the start of the day and then hide up. Wait till they go past and then follow along; watching as they chase after you, trying to catch up.

    How to annoy a slow hill climber:
    Arrive at the summit 10 minutes before your companion; rest and relax. When they arrive; immeadiatly hand them a small piece of chocolate and say,
    " Right then, let's crack-on ."

  2. #2
    HomeBrew Master! Gus Riley's Avatar
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    I ride a Surly LHT with 26" wheels. I have to work a bit harder to keep up with my 700m equipped riding partners. But I'm also the mechanic...they break, they have to wait for me to catch up.

    I really have no problems with being a bit slower. In the end I usually catch up because I'm the stronger rider. But to me, when on tour, the ride is about my progress, my tour, not the other fellows. We all meet up at the next overnight town and share the day's experiences.
    Last edited by Gus Riley; 07-11-11 at 09:27 PM.
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    All I can say is....... LOL tooo funny!!
    "If you see me walking, my bike is busted!!"
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    I gather you like to ride alone.....
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    On a Mission from God FunkyStickman's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gus Riley View Post
    I ride a Surly LHT with 26" wheels. I have to work a bit harder to keep up with my 700m equipped riding partners. But I'm also the mechanic...they break, they have to wiat for me to catch up.
    LOL, That's me on group rides... 26" LHT is awesomesauce!

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    Senior Member cyclist2000's Avatar
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    I have a friend that I tour with, people find it strange that we ride at different paces but tour together. If I rode along with my friend we would be with each other 24/7, that would drive us out of our minds. Its nice to have different adventures and discuss them at night.
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    totally louche Bekologist's Avatar
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    there is a long, storied history of sneaking rocks into a fellow climbers' rucksack that translates well to the bicycling arena,

    but any more sinister than that and it's treading the thin ice of maliciousness. Hiding on friends until they pass is also good clean road fun IMO.
    "Evidence, anecdote and methodology all support planning for roadway bike traffic."

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    Senior Member jr59's Avatar
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    Please remind me NOT to go with you anywhere on a bike!
    Gravity hates us all, but it hates me more than thin people!

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    Senior Member staehpj1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jr59 View Post
    Please remind me NOT to go with you anywhere on a bike!
    +1 If the OP would actually do any of those things I prefer to avoid them.

    FWIW, I tend to actually ride with my companions if I tour with them. Sometimes we do split up on very long climbs if paces prove incompatible.

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    Sasquatch Crossing mycoatl's Avatar
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    I'm slower than my wife, so my sneaky trick was buying us a tandem for touring. Now she can't get away from me.

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    the guy i usually tour with is a very strong hill climber not fast but steady ,he really cracks me up when i see him disappear on the long climbs. we always agree to wait at the top of any hill so as not to lose one another of course it's him who makes these rules as he is always over the top long before me.
    so what i do now to really piss him off is go as slow as i possible can, sometimes when he's out of sight i will get off relax for a few minutes then gently do my own thing until we meet up.
    he's usually like a mad man when we do eventually meet at the top saying i should practice more on hills .
    dum de dum ,dum de dee .

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    Senior Member skilsaw's Avatar
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    If a partner is usually out front, hook a bungy cord to his cycle shorts and put the other end on your handlebar. The more they try to get away, the closer you will be.

    If the partner brags endlessly about his waterproof Ortliebs, leave his gear in the bags and fill them with water. (but only if you have a current will and your life insurance is up to date.)
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    This is all too funny! So far all my tours have been solo, and maby for good reasons! I don't think I could tour days on end with a prankster, but than's just me.
    That said, we have a three man tour planned in Sept. and we all have different ridding styles. Three old cousins who where close as teens hooking up for a trip on roads never traveled by any of us. One a dedicated commuter, one a racer, and me, an all arounder. The racer may have to cary a few extra rocks in his panniers, now that you mention it!

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    Senior Member staehpj1's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by uciflylow View Post
    I don't think I could tour days on end with a prankster, but than's just me.
    Me either, on a tour tensions between participants tend to run high enough already.

    Quote Originally Posted by uciflylow View Post
    The racer may have to cary a few extra rocks in his panniers, now that you mention it!
    No need for rocks... On trips where I was not alone we distributed "community gear", food, and other shared items with strength and pace in mind. It works well up to a point.

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    Quote Originally Posted by uciflylow View Post
    This is all too funny! So far all my tours have been solo, and maby for good reasons! I don't think I could tour days on end with a prankster, but than's just me.
    That said, we have a three man tour planned in Sept. and we all have different ridding styles. Three old cousins who where close as teens hooking up for a trip on roads never traveled by any of us. One a dedicated commuter, one a racer, and me, an all arounder. The racer may have to cary a few extra rocks in his panniers, now that you mention it!
    A singular rock in the luggage of the cousin who's the fast one will provide a huge laugh at the campsite when he discovers it at the bottom of the pannier. keep your helmet handy to ward off the flying projectile.
    "Evidence, anecdote and methodology all support planning for roadway bike traffic."

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    Member tanslacks's Avatar
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    For me... It's a matter of what is this current tour about. I plan solo tours to do my own thing, my own pace, rests, meals and campsites. I plan partner tours to be with the partner and share the trip. So I guess I have not had these problems mentioned earlier. I have found that I learn so much on both types of trips.

    No matter what... every tour should be a pleasure... enjoy the hills, rain, wind, views, partners and time alone. No tricks needed

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    Quote Originally Posted by antokelly View Post
    the guy i usually tour with is a very strong hill climber not fast but steady ,he really cracks me up when i see him disappear on the long climbs. we always agree to wait at the top of any hill so as not to lose one another of course it's him who makes these rules as he is always over the top long before me.
    so what i do now to really piss him off is go as slow as i possible can, sometimes when he's out of sight i will get off relax for a few minutes then gently do my own thing until we meet up.
    he's usually like a mad man when we do eventually meet at the top saying i should practice more on hills .
    dum de dum ,dum de dee .
    I often wonder if I have been on the receiving end of this disgraceful trick; often thinking how somebody can ride so slow and not fall over sideways.

  18. #18
    Senior Member mtnbud's Avatar
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    Ways to slow down your touring buddy:

    1. Stop to take group pictures.

    2. If your buddy is already way out ahead, just mention you saw the most amazing _____. Similarly, shout out, "Look at that over there!". When your partner stops to look and asks "what?", say "Oh, never mind. I guess I was seeing things.".

    3. Claim to have a mechanical problem that needs figuring out.

    4. Claim to have left your ______ back at the last rest stop. Once you stop to turn back, have it sitting on top of your pannier and say, "Oh, there it is!"

    5. Bring a $100 bill with you. The next time your buddy rides out of sight, pull the $100 bill out when you catch up to him and say,"Look what I found on the side of the road!" If he pulls out of sight again, Pull out a wad of ones and change. When you catch him and say, "Look what was on the side of the road this time!" The next time he begins to pull ahead shout, "I think I see something on the side of the road!" He's bound to stop to take a look.

    6. Find out your buddies interests and skills are. Try to get him talking about those. If he's really into it, he's bound to want to hang back to share his passions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lou Skannon View Post
    This seems a nice, friendly, helpful forum; but we all know that there are real evil goings-on in the rufty-tufty nitty-gritty real world of cycle touring.
    Note to self:
    -Never tour with someone named Lou Skannon.
    -If I meet up with Lou Skannon, introduce him to the "fingers in a cup of warm water at midnight while he is sleeping" trick. The smell of urine in his sleeping bag will remind him not to piss off fellow tourists with adolescent tricks.
    Last edited by EriktheFish; 07-13-11 at 02:47 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Lou Skannon View Post
    I often wonder if I have been on the receiving end of this disgraceful trick; often thinking how somebody can ride so slow and not fall over sideways.
    btw lou i meant to say this is a brilliant thread just how the hell did you come up with it ,
    you must have one devilish sense of humor i love it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by mtnbud View Post
    Ways to slow down your touring buddy:

    1. Stop to take group pictures.

    2. If your buddy is already way out ahead, just mention you saw the most amazing _____. Similarly, shout out, "Look at that over there!". When your partner stops to look and asks "what?", say "Oh, never mind. I guess I was seeing things.".

    3. Claim to have a mechanical problem that needs figuring out.

    4. Claim to have left your ______ back at the last rest stop. Once you stop to turn back, have it sitting on top of your pannier and say, "Oh, there it is!"

    5. Bring a $100 bill with you. The next time your buddy rides out of sight, pull the $100 bill out when you catch up to him and say,"Look what I found on the side of the road!" If he pulls out of sight again, Pull out a wad of ones and change. When you catch him and say, "Look what was on the side of the road this time!" The next time he begins to pull ahead shout, "I think I see something on the side of the road!" He's bound to stop to take a look.

    6. Find out your buddies interests and skills are. Try to get him talking about those. If he's really into it, he's bound to want to hang back to share his passions.
    mad mad mad brilliant stuff this thread has cheered me up no end.

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    When I go on tour with a friend, it is usually all good clean fun. It is when you meet a fellow cycle tourer along the way when things turn ugly. Often riding with someone of a different nationality; I find I am riding for my King and country.When riding with a woman; I am riding for my gender.
    Once I spent half a day desperately trying to keep up with this guy; who then told me, in the evening, that he was flying home in two days because he was competing in an Iron Man triathalon.
    On that occasion there was only one thing for it: drink him under the table, regardless of the cost.
    That slowed him up. The fitter the person: the lower the alcohol threshold.

  23. #23
    coprolite fietsbob's Avatar
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    Not really Dirty, just how it was to be Managed..

    AYH arraigned Cycle tours, "leader" does Sweep,
    ... and is responsible for disbursing the Group's fund$.

    They all paid in to National and then the leader got the check.
    Last edited by fietsbob; 07-13-11 at 04:45 PM.

  24. #24
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    When mountaineering... I knew of a guy that would slip heavy stuff he didn't want to carry up the mountain into his buddies backpack when he wasn't looking Can't remember just who that person was though.
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    I have two or three ways to reach out and "pull past" on hills. Once they get wise to all these tricks they try it on. That's when they learn I have two or three ways of ditching people who try it.

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