This seems a nice, friendly, helpful forum; but we all know that there are real evil goings-on in the rufty-tufty nitty-gritty real world of cycle touring.
Let's hear what you really get upto!
Three of my favorites, to start things off.
How to slow down a faster touring companion:
When they are not looking; whip out their seat post and put a handful of sand in the frame tube. Do this every day and they will get slower and slower while you get fitter and faster.
How to speed up a slower touring companion:
Sprint away at the start of the day and then hide up. Wait till they go past and then follow along; watching as they chase after you, trying to catch up.
How to annoy a slow hill climber:
Arrive at the summit 10 minutes before your companion; rest and relax. When they arrive; immeadiatly hand them a small piece of chocolate and say,
" Right then, let's crack-on ."