N_C

This thread is prompted by all the discussion and debate over weight loss. Part of which I have started myself.

First those of you who have offered advice, thank you and keep it coming. I learn a little more each time. And I hope others learn as well.

Second, let me make one thing very clear here: those that have never been over weight WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND WHAT IT IS LIKE BECAUSE YOU CAN NOT UNDERSTAND. Personally knowing someone like a spouse or family member who is or has struggled with being over weight is not the same. Until you are over weight yourself you can NEVER truely understand what it is like. And I do not recommend becoming fat so you can understand what those of us who are going through it now are experiencing. That would not be a good idea.

I'm not just talking about the health issues related to it either. (We have pretty much talked about every issue regarding the health risks, etc with being over weight.) But there is also a side that so far not many people here in the forums has touched based on. Why, I don't know. Maybe you are afraid it is to much of a sensative issue. Believe when I say that when you are fat you learn to grow a thick skin, and I don't just mean figuratively either. So sensative issues pretty much go out the window with being over weight.

The issue I'm speaking of is the social problems and ramifications with being fat, obese, over weight, call it what you want, it is all the same thing.

For those that have never been over weight imagine for a moment being over weight & going grocery shopping. And while you are shopping and putting food into your cart everyone else who is shopping too is looking at the food you pull from the shelf. Or they look into your cart at what food you have selected. Then regardless of what you have in your cart they often look at you in disgust, even if your selections are healthy or not, because to them it does not matter. The fact is you are over weight and you are buying food. Trust me when I tell you it feels like you are under a micro-scope or at the very least under some sort of scrutinity. And by total strangers no less. And yes it can be enough to piss you off.

Or perhaps you are the one looking in the fat persons cart and then looking at them in disgust because they are fat. The people that do this do not think that us fat people notice. They think that they can quickly sneak a peak and then look away. Trust me those of us who are fat notice, everytime it happens.

So tell me all of you who are still over weight, or have been in the past that you have never experienced this. If you didn't I'd be really surprised. Or perhaps you did and you never ever noticed it. Even so I can not believe that over weight people are that naive to not notice.

There is a lot more to the social issues with being over weight as well. Trips to the gorcery store and what we experience with that are only the tip of the ice-berg.

I'll touch base with more later on if others do not wish to.

Bye for now.

Peace.

John.

MediaCreations 

Thanks for your honesty John.

It'll be interesting to hear what experiences others have had.

Weight has always been a problem for me but much less now than in the past.

Maelstrom 

John,

I do understand. I watched both my mother and father suffer from social indifference to social ridicule. This is the most disturbing part and I do wish you the best of luck with your battle.

While I have always battled with weight, even at my largest the social aspect never affected me, 'much'. For two fold. One the weight I did carry was, thankfully, spread out evenly throughout my body making me 'big' and not 'fat' looking. I also used my size to my advantage. In sports I was lucky to be both big and tall and strong so I suited many sports well. This in fact aided my confidence and social setting. Its ironic that fat athletes are looked upon as kindly gentle giants (or freaky tough beasts your choice) but people of similar size who don't play sports get the other labels.

10 years ago I also start lifting weights and learning a couple of things about my body. I will always carry fat. I can't escape this fact naturally. No matter how much cardio I do or how well I eat, it is a fact of life for me and I find the naivete of people who say otherwise very frustrating. This is one reason why I started using Ephedra based supplements. It helped me do things I could not have done naturally (no matter what other people think) At my smallest of 232pound (adult size not counting teenage years) I still had a gut. I probably worked out and did more cardio than most people I know and ate so clean it was scary (and very expensive). I have learned this through experience and have learned some degree of comfort by it. I have also learned to enjoy the size and continue to work it to is fullest advantage. I did do a few things to create illusions. I destroyed my shoulders to create a much larger upper body then my already naturally large waist. This created the 'perfect' V look most people think look correct. This also added to my size which (as I explain later) helped my confidence.

I do understand your battle and being under the microscope can be tough but just ignore this (self induced ignorance ) and work towards building your own self confidence based on yourself. Building muscle in the place of retreating fat helps this quite a bit as the changes are eaiser to recognize. I realize these are just words but

that statement is very telling. You can't let other people bother you. I am not naive to the way people think or thought of me, I just believe that my size is a greater asset then their skinniness. In fact it has gotten to the point in my life where if I had a choice between a) cardio induced body with very little muscle b) ripped, muscular body of any major athlete c) large body with muscle but well hidden. I would take B and C every time.

To take this even further I am VERY odd in this town. Most peope here are the epitomy of the 5'7 170pound athlete. They all ski, skate, snowboard and bike, competitively in at least one discipline. I live in a town where I am probably when of the heaviest locals currently here. There are a few as tall, some that may be as big but not in combination. I can safely say at 6'5 and 260 pounds I am probably in the 1% for large size. (some of the bouncers filling in that gap with me). This to me is a bonus. Why. I am odd, a freak, this is my advantage. Not my detriment. ...While I am in better shape now than in previous years I am still under a microscope...I guess I have just learned to enjoy it there.

Thank you for opening up and I wish you the best of luck...sorry about the long post

cbhungry

I was close to 190 pounds after my pregnancy. (my base weight was 110) It took almost almost two years to get it off.

So I know how hard it is to get that weight off.

I never got ridiculed for being fat but i did get ridiculed for being too skinny when I weighed 98 pounds during my late twenties (I was in grad school and used money to buy books vs. food). People made snide remarks behind my back that I was an anorexic. I think people like to be critical wether you are fat, skinny, involved in strange activities like biking etc......Since most people do not have a good sense of "self".

Shadowfoot

Thanks for writing that John. It reminds me of a statement I heard years ago. When you see a skinny person eating a doughnut you think "that looks nice". When you se a fat person eating a doughnut you think "no wonder they are fat"

One thing that helped me with my self image was realising that everyone has self image problems, (in the gay community at least,) even the beautiful, and I figured that my issues were something that I was dealing with. If other people had problems with the way I dealt with them, then it was probably for the best that they were repulsed. They would be someone I'd want to know.

b.

juciluci

the personal side of weight issues, yes cut the deepest and as human beings we are our worst enemies. From what everyone has told you john.. it seems to be true, we "see" what others see us as and it's unfortunate.
i had a weight issue, so did my mother.. so did her mother.
again, no one else in the family had the same one as ours. .. and the prejudice that arises in social gatherings, be it school, church or family will never go away.
at 12 years old i weighed 52 lbs, 5'1. i didn't make myself that way, i just was.. and doctors had my mother shoving the most horrid stuff in my mouth to gain weight. i was an active person, and ate, but i ate what i could to fill my stomach and they were healthy foods. my family had no extra money for junk food.. tho the odd time my dad would come home with livesavers, or some gum for us. it took years for me to get to 117lbs, 5'4 but the pyschological aspects of my youth remain. my mother was the same.. on her third pregnancy she almost died from pneumonia, she weighed 89 lbs 5'2, and took til her 4th child to get over 100 lbs. now she is 130 lbs and is freaked if she loses any weight.
growing up for her in a family of 13 kids on a farm perhaps determined her lifestyle.. she worked hard, still does.
i go the the grocery store, i am very concious of what i lay out on the counter to be paid.. yes ppl look.... everyone looks at what another person eats. i tell myself that it is a humans' curiousity to look... but not judge.
clothing issues are not just for overweight, they are for short, tall, underweight too.. getting a seat on a plane... have you any idea what it feels like to sit in a conference and your feet don't touch the floor? ppl look at you like you're a child.. until you speak... thank goodness.
ever know anyone who is perfectly happy how their hair turned out that day..? lol
life creates stigma, no matter what weight/colour/gender/religion/sexuality , you are.. and for this reason.. altho i am glad to be part of the human species.. i am also sad to be part of what destroys many.
p.s. everyone except my mother is over 6' tall my closest brother is 6'5 240 lbs.. with one exception my younger sister is 5'11.
family gatherings are dangerous.. i have been squished and poked in the eye with earrings countless times.
good luck on your quest john.. just be happy with the results.

mrfix

John, Ive seen your world from both sides, 6 years ago I weighed 285 pounds, I listened to the remarks from people in stores and on the street, I've had clothes buy issues and could never find anything that fit me. I started riding a bike and rode myself down to the 175 pounds I'm at now and have been for 4 years. I'll tell you John, the remarks keep comming, only nnow they're different. I hear things like, look at that skinny guy buying the ice cream, or that guy must be sick or something you can see his ribs, or Have you ever considered counseling for an eating disorder. It just goes on and on, you can't win. Just live your life, do what you do and go where you go.

Trek Rider

John, many people ridicule and scorn people, not just overweight people. Minorities, gays, physically challenged, mentally challenged, short, tall, ugly, the list goes on. I was never ridiculed because I was overweight, but I was ridiculed for many other reasons. If you don't fit into what society says is "normal" you're a target. I do hope you get your weight issues under control and keep the weight off. And you're right, if you've never been a target of ridicule, you don't understand, you have to live it to feel it.

ZackJones

John: I have read several of your posts and can feel your pain. As a skinny teenager I watched my father struggle with his weight. He hated every minute of his dieting. I don't think I ever saw him exercise. I should have known then that I was in for a struggle. I can remember feeling heavy when I weighed 185 pounds. Earlier this year I weighed 278 pounds and hated what I saw in the mirror. I have been riding my ass off, quite literly and the weight is coming off. I'm down 14 pounds so far and will keep at it until I reach my goal.

It is frustrating for me because I work with a guy who is also losing weight. He's going the Atkins route and has lost a good amount of weight in a short amount of time. I will not take the route he has taken even though I know I can lose weight quicker by doing it. To me, for my weight loss to be successful I need to make life-long changes. Atkins, for me, is not a life-long change I am willing to make.

I am eating less and riding more and know I'll get to my goal eventually. I did not become a fat ass overnight and realize I will not become a skinny guy again overnight. I will get there and I hope you have the best of luck losing the weight you want to lose. The folks on this forum are a great inspiration to me and others, I'm sure.

When it comes to weight loss I'd rather be like a turtle, slow and steady than like the hare - fast and furious. As Forest Gump would say - that's all I got to say about that.

Zack

ParamountScapin 

As a rehabillitating fat-ass (down 30+ with 20 to go) I deserved any rude comments I got. The only reason I was a fat-ass was that I exercised no self-discipline, just like 98% of the fat-asses out there. Rather than whining, shut your mouth. When the food comes around. And exercise. Both physically and with some self-discipline. Stop eating more than you need/want. One serving of moderate size and mix of good-for-you foods and then some exercise. Like riding your bicycle. It is all a matter of self-discipline and goals. Set your goals and then exercise the self-discipline to get there. And stop being a whining fat-ass. My aplogies to that very small minority that may have some physical problem that makes them fat (less than 1% of fat-asses). The rest of you need to suck-it-up and take control of your life.

Feltup

I have lost 52 lbs in 6 months. I was never the flabby gross kind of fat, but I felt like **** anyway. I have always been in good shape untill I got married and helped my wife through 2 kids. I just lost focus for a while. I was totally non-active and ate a big meal right before bed(job). Well I bought a MTB started riding every chance I got. I cut out the cokes and cut down on the beer. It started melting away. Now I feel better than ever. I ride 100 miles a week and have more energy than ever. I am 28 and feel 18.

lotek 

John,

you are right, I can never "know" what it is like because
I haven't experienced it personally, but I can empathise,
and your posts (and those of others) can help me to understand.
I like a few other folks here have been on the other side of
the spectrum. I struggled to gain weight thru high school,
college, and my first 20 years of professional life.
I too got tired of all the comments, "look at you, where
does all the food go?" . . . "I'd love to have your metabolism
for just a few days. . ". Truely they wouldn't.
Now I've put on about 30 pounds over my High School weight.
Doesn't sound like much, but on a small frame (think ectomorph),
its very noticable. Funny how the comments changed
"putting on a few pounds Marty?" "got that middle aged
spread thing going?".
I really appreciate your honesty, and your commitment John,
Keep up the good work.

marty

oxologic

Here's some words from a skinny boy about being skinny. I don't get to gain much fat so far. I have always been real lean but I do put on fats, but not enough to get me overweight. I have friends who are overweight, but those in my class are quite mild. I don't shy away from them, neither do I look at them strangely when they buy the ever-oily chicken chop from the tuckshop.

I do however give them some advice, asking them to keep away from those foods. I wish the best for them, and during physical education classes in school, I try to teach them some stuff about physical education. After learning quite a bit, enough to be beneficial to me and others, I found the school's physical education system to be quite inadequate. They regard all of the students as fit individuals and they push them high to the limits. However, they should know that many of them would be inactive and thus unable to do such high-intensity workouts. It has more emphasis on anaerobic power than on aerobic power that stays on longer and helps burn fat, thus settling the overweight problem in schools. I do advise my friends to do the workouts lightly, hoping the best for their heart and cardiovascular system.

Being fat might be a problem but being lean doesn't mean we do not have any responsibility to help others. Let's help this world become a healthier and more active world. For those battling the weight, keep it up and on! Do however be happy about how you look like, not exactly about being fat, but about how well you are improving with your diets and exercise. Good luck guys!

Sandra

Having kids puts the weight on some of us, and it is hard, hard, hard getting it back off again. Especially being a single parent with no one to watch the kids while you go out to ride or work out and no help from anyone with the kids and the housework and the bills and the yardwork...I could go on and on.

John, I have not noticed strange looks from others in the grocery store when they look at the food in my cart. I HAVE, however, noticed looks of pity as they see me struggling to keep up with two active toddlers...they are a handful!

I DO love the wonderful people who take my order in a restaurant and they are repeating my order and they say "DIET Coke?" instead of "Coke" like I ordered! I have learned to just smile and say "No, that's a COKE, not a diet Coke." They had better be careful or I will sic the "terrible two" on them! (And before any of you skinny people say "Well, she shouldn't be ordering a Coke anyway", the ONLY time I drink a Coke is when I go out to eat, which is maybe once a month...MAYBE.)

belfast-biker

On the other hand, if you have a treat when out and about, and order a plain burger and small fries, and ask for a diet coke, I usually get a bit of light hearted ridicule from my friends, but the bottom line is this:-

Diet coke has virtually no kcals.

Ordinary Coke has about 40 kcals per 100ml.

So that's an easy 200kcals saving, a short bike ride in real money....

Not that I go to McD's often, but you get the idea....

Sandra

I usually order a salad and a Coke when I am out. The Coke is like my treat that I have once in a while. I usually drink water with my meals at home. It is my treat, and I don't want some smartass child waitress or waiter saying "That was a DIET Coke?" to me!

cbhungry

After having only one kid and a husband who provides 90% of the share into raising her; I think Sandra any other single parent should get a presidential medal. Go girl!

ChipRGW

In January 2001, I went to the doctor. I weighed 424 pounds.
I joined Weight Watchers a month later. Now I weigh 280.

I still get comments, looks and all of the negative feelings that NC brought up in his post. Yet somehow we (fat people) "deserve" this? Noone "deserves" to be scorned by others. Only the lowest form of person does this to another person. Only the lowest form of person condones it. I've been conditioned by many years of abuse to let it slide. But it hurts anyway.

I've been riding since October of last year (at 330#). I ride with a club, and have progressed up to the "advanced" level rides. 45-50 miles @ 18-20mph. I'll jump onto the finish sprints up to 30mph. I always get comments from other riders like, "Hey, you're pretty fast...considering" Considering what? "I mean... You're a pretty big dude, you can get the bike moving pretty fast."
Oh, so, I'm not fast considering I've only been riding 7 months, just that I'm a "big" guy.

I get these kind of comments EVERY week. I know they are meant to be compliments. But they aren't. How about,"Hey, you're pretty fast."

There are plenty of people that think that I am obese because I made "bad choices". While that IS true, it is simplistic. People who are obese, and particularly those that are morbidly obese have much deeper sociological and psychological problems to overcome.
I am obese because I never learned how to NOT be obese. You don't really think I WANTED to weigh over 400 pounds, do you?

I don't blame society for my weight, but I DO blame it for NOT helping me to get over it. For many obese people, food is an old familiar crutch upon which to lean when one feels bad. When a child calls you "fatty" and thier parents laugh about it, it makes you feel bad. Do you see the formula developing here? How did the ridicule from this child "help" me? Was he merely informing me that I had a weight problem? Were his parents teaching him tolerance?

Sorry to rant here, but it really gets me when someone thinks I somehow "deserve" to be made fun of because of my weight. as evidenced by my reaction to the infamous "Hey Fatty" thread from a while back.

N_C

Chip thanks for your response. And you're right it does hurt.

One instance that comes to mind with me is during a ride called ONABIKE, I've posted about it in the past here, I was riding with a group from my club. When we got to one of the town limits another club member said hey lets sprint for the sign. I said sure why not. So we got up and both jambed on the pedals. Well she beat me, which I didn't mind. What had bothered me though was the fact that she actually said Ha! Fat ass I beat you and laughed about it. I got pissed and I had a few words with her about it. So did the other members who witnessed it. Needless to say it was a while before she was welcomed on other club rides.

Now I never said I wanted to have a "V" shaped body with the six pack abs, chisled chest and arms, etc. That kind of body is hard to accomplish and even harder to maintain. Though it would be nice. All I want for right now is to be at the weight I'm supposed to be at. Thats between 175 and 185 pounds. So for now thats all I'm working at accomplishing.

I have no one else to blame except myself for being overweight. I used to do what is called stress-eating. Most of us here know what that is. But I'm the only to blame for it.

cbhungry

NC, you also live in a toxic culture where food permeates every social aspect of our existance. Even the Surgeon General has stated that our very institutiion of nonexistant bike lanes, etc. is to blame. Look at all the advertisements. Look at all the supersizing. Don't completely blame youself. I blame tax payers for not wanting to foot the bill for better bike lanes, I blame OPEC for making gas too cheap so we become almost symbiotic creatures with our cars with little economic consequeces, I blame subliminal food advertising, I could go on and on. Obesity is a battle that cannot be waged solely from an individual or health profession level... the very core of our society has to be restructured. What we need is a anthropological makeover for our society period.

Feltup

Yeah lets get another government agency to help us eat and exercise.

Why do you need bike lanes? We have as much right to use public roads as anyone else.

If we could just end the choice to eat what we want and supersize what we want the weight problem in America would be fixed. There is also a large portion of people that do the opposite, they purge. We could fix that problem by making companies stop having ads with skinny people. This is America live your own life and get in where you fit in.

cbhungry

Hard core bikers like us don't even need roads, but most recreational bikers would feel safer commuting to work with bike lanes.

Feltup

MTB is my first love. But free riding isn't my style. I like a good fire road and some single track.

SamDaBikinMan

Is that a product by Mary Kay or Avon?

Well during my winter of weight lifting and eating I blew up to 205 which is a good 20lbs more than my acceptable riding weight. I know that does not sound like much to some but I do feel it on my hard effort rides.

supcom

I think that is a bit of an oversimplification. While it is recognized that the lack of environmental factors like sidewalks and bike lanes has contributed to the explosive rise in obesity in the US, the primary factors are believed to be too many calories and too little exercise.

Think what the epidemic of obesity is going to do to your future medical insurance premiums!

The solution is simple. Decrease what you take in and increase your energy output. If this isn't working for you, then start making a list of every single thing you shove into your mouth. Look up the calorie and fat content and start adding up what you are really eating. Stay out of fast food restaurants. Make them against your religion.

Find excuses to ride your bike. don't look for excuses not to ride. Make a pledge not to drive your car except to get to and from work. Bike to work if you can manage it. Ride your bike to grocery store. If you can't get it all on the bike, make two trips! Log your miles. Set some reasonable goals. Set some more.

Unplug your Tee Vee and throw it into the street. Now go find something better to do.

As a fat ass working hard to become a former fat ass, I have little sympathy for those who will not take responsibility for themselves. Stop blaming society for your problems. Quit whining and do something about it! Otherwise, go to www.naafa.org and learn to accept yourself.

It all reminds me of an old joke about the attractive coed who goes to see her college professor and states that she would do anything to get a good grade in the class.

"Anything?" asks the professor, raising his eyebrows.

"Oh yes, anything at all," replies the woman.

"Well....." ponders the professor, "would you........study?"

Losing weight is easy. It just takes hard work.