bhdavis1978

Not right now- my wife is a teacher, but she is pregnant and is due April 7th. We're Canadian's living in the United States, and in Canada she would get a year of paid maternity leave. She wants to take at least a year off of work, and I understand and respect that, so come April, we will become a single income family. I'm a postdoctoral researcher so my salary isn't very high ($35,000 before taxes and health care deductions), so it's going to be really tight. I'm way off scale right now (between $5-10K), but that's because my current supervisor doesn't have a grant right now, so I get what I get. We bought into an insurance plan that she has at work that'll give us 4 months of 65% of her salary, so that'll help out a lot while we have it. I will start my new job in Houston, Texas in July or August, and hopefully I'll be able to negotiate a salary of between $50k and $55k. Plus at that point, I'll be able to claim our baby as a dependant for tax purposes (but I can't claim my wife, cause we're here under a visa classification that doesn't allow me to claim her as a dependent)- so all in all, if I get $50k with the reduction in the cost of living in Houston relative to Saint Paul, MN and the reduction in our effective tax rate, our net yearly income will only go down by about 10%- which should be managable, cause right now we're able to save about $1500 / month. It'll be tough, but it'll be doable.

I would find that really stressful too- particularly because I'd feel that I wouldn't be allowed to express my stress / concern about the loss of my wife's job in that case without being labeled as being unsupportive. But I'm glad to hear that it'll be okay.

I'm just a huge stress case. I always have been. I started having panic attacks in grade 2, and while their frequency and severity changes over time, they're always there- waiting.

I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder, PTSD, and GAD about 5.5 years ago in addition to having Tourette's Syndrome. I was on medication for it for about 3.5 years, and while the medication helped stabilize my moods and anxiety, it made me an emotional robot, and that was really hard on my wife- so I stopped taking it after we moved from Vancouver, BC, to Saint Paul, MN. I was doing really well for most of the past 2 years, until about 6 months ago, and then I started not feeling well. And then, I start thinking that there is something wrong with me, and that I should just 'suck it up', but that rarely works.

I made a psychiatrists appointment for this past Tuesday. On Monday morning I called in and cancelled it, and then later Monday morning I called back and reinstated it. I went- he seems like a good doctor. He doesn't do psychotherapy himself, but he's going to set me up with someone who does. He prescribed abilify for me (I've been on a host of other medications before- haldol, welbutrin, effexor, seroquel, epival, and clonazepam)- but he said he felt that if someone was on 3 or more medications, then they he needed to re-evaluate the medication situation. Anyway, I like him. If nothing else, going to an appointment and trying to make some time for me to feel better, made me feel better- cause I was taking care of myself. I have a habit of taking care of other people, but not allowing anyone else to take care of me.

I'd made a few good friends when we moved to Saint Paul, but the nature of my field is that people move a lot- and the last of them moved away to Los Angeles this past spring- and that's been hard. I think that's one of the reasons the group rides were so important for me, cause it gave me a social outing, as well as a few hours of additional exercise twice a week. Part of my anxiety though, is social anxiety- so if I'm not actively forced into interacting with people, I avoid it. I have a rather poor self image, and as a consequence of that I tend to become somewhat paranoid about peoples intentions, along the lines of 'Why the hell would you want to spend any time with me?'. That was another reason the group rides were good, cause they weren't spending time with me, so much as it was a group of people riding together. I didn't necessarily talk a lot to the other people, it was just nice to have them around.

We're living in Saint Paul, Minnesota. I plan on continuing to commute to and from work by bike until there is snow on the ground. I can deal with the cold, but my wife is concerned that I cannot deal safely with the ice. But I was thinking about maybe trying cross country skiing or snowshoeing this winter to give me a new outdoor activity. Someone else in this thread suggested Yoga, so I am going to give that a try too.

Thanks, I appreciate it. It's taken me a while to respond to this thread, but I've gotta say- that last line of yours made a world of difference.


Haha, yeah, I probably would benefit from drinking a bit. Generally speaking, I don't drink. My grandmother was a raging alcoholic, so I think that put a bad taste in my mouth about alcohol, but I've been having a pint (or so) of beer at night after work, and that's helping to take the edge off a little bit.

Houston would be great for me- because like you said, year round cycling. My wife on the other hand, hates the heat- and so that is making me a bit anxious too. She isn't thrilled at the idea of living some place so hot- so I'm worried she's going to be miserable there.


I really miss that positive feeling, but I still get some benefit just from being out riding, and feeling like I'm part of the world, and not holed up inside watching TV, or endlessly browsing the internet. Getting into biking this year has changed my life in so many ways- I've lost 30 lbs since I started biking this past spring- my blood pressure is down, as is my resting heart rate. I was at the doctors office a few weeks ago cause of a UTI, and despite the fact that I was feeling anxious and in pain my BP was 126/72, and my HR was 64- which was a lot better than where it would've been a year prior to that.

I would be able to keep cycling as long as the temperature stays above 30, but in Saint Paul, the temperature will drop to -30 by January and there will be 1-3 feet of snow on the ground. I've actually been contemplating buying an old steel or aluminum MTB frame and turning it into a single speed with big knobby tires. I don't know that I'd want to commute to and from work on it (mostly cause I think it'd stress my wife out), but it might let me get out for a 30 minute ride once a week or so in the winter.

That sounds like fun, but it's pretty flat here- and it's sort of expesnive, isn't it?