Why ? My wife and I are like DnvrFox.
As a parent of a son who has Aspergers syndrome and as someone himself who has ADHD it's a constant challenge every day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year. My wife and I feel lucky in that our son's disability is more of a borderline case than a profound one but it's never been easy. We've both had to make a lot of compromises in our careers and we feel blessed. He's now in his freshman year in college and with some fairly minimal support and a lot of coaching by my wife ( a teacher ) and his older brother we feel pretty confident that he'll be well on his way. There were times when we feared that both his younger and older brother had ADHD as well but fortunately that hasn't been the case.
The divorce rate among couples with a child with disabilities in the autism spectrum like Aspergers is considerably higher than the norm. It's not the reported 80% but it is probably closer to double the average rate. The only way to survive is to make compromises and decisions that ar at times unthinkable for some people. My wife and I have been married for 32 years and we've been together for over 35 and we feel like we've dodged the bullet sometimes. We both really feel for parents of children with special needs and we do know several couples that two or more children with profound disabilities. In a couple of cases, it's a miracle that they're still all together but together they are and a lot stronger for it.
My own issues with ADHD started interfering with my life while I was an undergrad and eventually got so severe that I dropped out of graduate school. It took over 5 years but once I finally discovered what the problem was and we found the right treatment I could at least get on with life. That's not to say that there hasn't been a few bumps but who doesn't run into those ? I've feel that I've been very fortunate in that I've been working in cutting edge tech for over 35 years and it's been a profession that's been not just satisfying but fun as well. Between family pressures and my own issues with what is called a disability (it can actually be an asset in my line of work) my wife and I have had to make a lot of compromises with respect to things like career opportunities and promotions but I can't complain nor do I feel that I have a right to complain since most people consider us to be extremely affluent.
Do I feel like I'm being left behind ? Sometimes, but by the end of the day, I'd have to say no. I know that I've often had employers to consider me as underachieving but they've never had to live with the sorts of challenges I've had and the compromises I've had to make. It's something that I've always had to make abundantly clear to them and I feel lucky in that I've only had to change jobs once because of an employer who refused to accept the word "no". The software engineering profession is full of people with ADHD, Aspergers syndrome and I've actually had managers who are in the same sorts of circumstances as I am.
Living with a child with disabilities also takes it's toll on the other siblings in the family as well which is why we went to the added and considerable expense of having our eldest son go to college away from home for which he has been extremely grateful to help him keep his sanity.
On the other hand, the experiences that our he has had with his brother has also equipped our eldest son with some impressive mediation skills that I never would have thought he would develop. He's now in his senior year in college and will be on his way to law school after taking a year off. It was a path in life I never would have predicted for him 5 years ago.
Our youngest son (15) has also learned a great deal in recognizing and learning how to deal with children with ADHD and autism spectrum disabilities and since he's a very proficient skier he's been instrumental in instructing a friend of his who has severe ADHD. He's also been often asked to help instruct younger children at the ski school he goes to. He'll be taking counselor training at the summer camp he goes to this summer and he'll be geting his level 1 certification in ski instruction next winter.
Has it been a marathon run ? You bet it's been one. There are days when my wife will say at the end of a day that she feels like she's been through the wringer and done a marathon at the same time although it's been getting easier as time goes on. My wife not only teaches English and ESL (english as a second language - for new immigrants) but she also teaches Special Education. It really takes a parent of a special needs child to teach them because having a child of your own that has special needs makes you more understanding and more compassionate. Some the stories and circumstances that I hear about on almost a daily basis is heartbreaking at times and I can see why she often goes that extra mile for her students.
DnvrFox,
I applaud you for what you are doing.
If I had to do things over again I'd do what you are doing and have stayed in better shape over the last 30 years instead of doing it now. We've been like most couples, spending our energies in raising a family so staying fit and sometimes our health takes a back seat to everything else.
AzTallRider,
I'd been away from being a roadie for over 35 years. My late brother always used to say when we were kids "there's no such word as can't". While both he, my older sister and my parents were the real atheletes in the family, I was the only cyclist and although I've never raced, the word "can't" has never appeared in the equation. I did it, and still do it one mile at a time, one hill at a time. I've become more systematic and more organized because I want to get rid of the last of the excess weight that's been the bane of my existence over the last 6 years. I also want to get back to doing the centuries that were so much easier when I was a teenager.
My one bit of advice for somebody who isn't used to training. Don't overtrain. The endorphins you produce while training can give you that wonderful high and you feel cranky if you don't get out there but they can get in your way and actually set you back because you're actually hurting yourself when you aren't taking those all important rest days. Your brain needs the downtime too.
I've had neighbours who are younger than me stand there and ask me "how do you do it ? How can you ride like that ?"
I have to curb my tongue and not say "well you push this foot this way, and the other foot that way...".
Keep it up guys.