Well, he set out today and made it a grand total of 2 blocks before calling me to tell me that he was ditching class today and buying a bike seat. He got a cushy Bell gel seat (exactly like one I was going to surprise him with for $11 shipping from Yo Spiff, but oh well).
We spent the morning playing bike mechanic, as he decided since perfectly intact Chainless had wounded him, we would take her apart and make the collection of parts resembling a blue bike into a working bicycle. I learned how to swap shifters and cables, and adjust both derailleurs passably well. Chainless donated handlebar grips and both wheels as well. She looks naked.
But, hubby seems happier on the blue bike with front and rear suspension and now a large padded seat. /shrug
I'm sure his soreness contributed a lot to his mood, too. It was an interesting morning.
Thanks for your help, everyone. I will find out how to work in the suggestion for underwear.
Also yes, he is 6'2" with a 28 or 29" pants inseam- his height is all torso, and he is near 300lbs, maybe 280 but not less than that.