WheelsNT

*Stopping* shouldn't be that bad. FWIW, when we stop, the stoker's only job is that once I call "stopping" she stops pushing on the pedals and allows me to rotate them around to where I want them so I can click out. Once I'm out, I put my foot down and hold the bike up so she can click out and get off.

I think SPDs (or any other kind of clipped, clipless or other system to keep her feet attached to the pedals) will be a big help. Once the stoker's feet are attached to the pedals, the only thing that should matter to her once you're going is cadence. It shouldn't matter how hard you are pushing or what gear you are in. If you want to apply 10x the force to the pedals that the stoker does, that's fine.

I don't know how precise your sense of cadence is, but I found it to be a huge benefit to have a computer with cadence on the tandem. We actually bought two Cateye Astrale 8's and spliced the wires so they both run off the same set of sensors. This way the stoker has her own display -- with cadence -- right in front of her. I quickly found out that her cadence comfort range was *way* narrower than mine. I'd prefer to be 100-115. She is comfortable from 85-95. I learned to watch the display, and when we get to 95, shift. Being a little low (e.g. 82) is much better than being too high. The display helps her, too -- once she can see you shifting and keeping the cadence low for her, she will appreciate that. If she doesn't have a reference for how fast the cadence it is, she might just subjectively feel like it's too fast all the time. After all, however accurate *your* sense of cadence is, hers is less accurate -- she may not have the foggiest idea what it is. After watching the display a little, you will both be able to have an accurate conversation about what you want the cadence to be.