Long day in Cresskill NJ helping to move my 90 year old terminally ill Dad and my 85 year old stepmother back into their home. The house was crushed by a falling tree last October, they have been staying in a nearby one bedroom apartment since then, in the meantime my Dad was diagnosed with two inoperable cancers, so the stress of being out of their home has only compounded the nightmare. My Dad has only weeks left (we figure he's down from 180 to about 110 lbs) but he is not in pain, and the move back made him so happy (and of course my stepmother). He was quite alert after dinner and we got to spend some quality time together as a family, probably the last time we'll all be able to do that (most of us were there, two of my three stepbrother and their wives, my brother Graham's two grown kids Scott and David). We really all pulled together to support them over the past couple of months, all made efforts to get them back into their home my March 1 (which involved some pushing and prodding of contractors and town officials). We were there breaking up and moving frozen solid snow from the driveway, reassembling shattered bedrooms, etc. But in the end the house looked better than ever (it's a very modest 60+ year old postwar colonial that badly needed the new interior paint and carpets that this mini-disaster wound up providing).
Reminded me of why I love my extended family and how much it has all meant to us over the 40 years they have been married. I was 16 when they married, I wound up with three stepbrothers, Graham who is 5 years older, Keith a year older and Greg a year younger. And we have stayed close as an extended family for four decades through thick and thin. It was great. My Dad is so happy to be home, he said to somebody today: 'Now I can die' - in other words he feels at home, and that's how it should be.
Hard for the family emotionally, still it was a good day for all of us today. We all love him so much. But he's dying with much love and support around him. Most 90 year olds die alone, and thinking of that makes me sad. I'm sorrowful about my Dad but happy that he feels so loved. Only if you're lucky now, as in the Ryan Adams song, which seems to be about getting old, feeling strange, and breaking hearts.