I've been thinking about this thread since last night. I don't know exactly what it is, but I couldn't get it out of my head. Maybe it's due to the fact that to get somewhere in life, in any pursuit in life, there is always that inevitable period of when you have take your knocks.
Sure, there are some people that just seem to breeze through anything. Few and far between, but they're out there. For the rest of us, it's like riding a highway -- and having to pay that toll every 20 or 30 miles.
Many years ago I had my rear-end handed to me in front of hundreds of people -- including friends, coworkers and family, at night, under bright lights and on local TV. It's a long story, and one of unsportsman-like conduct on the part of another (and a "name" at that). What's done is done. But bernmart, I know what you were talking about when you mentioned your pride in your own circumstance, and I also would bet that you couldn't/can't get it out of your mind.
That was the last that I ever rode in an organized event. I walked away. Ever since, and it has to be at least 20 years, I've been a lone rider -- just enjoying riding for my own pleasure, at my own pace, and my own challenges.
So, now I'm going to be 50 -- a milestone in life. This upcoming year, I'm training to be "back". I fully expect experiences like your own. I'll use them as a yardstick -- and, just like you mention above, adjusting training to return stronger (and in some cases, wiser) for the next time around.
But the point is, is that this time there WILL be a next time around. I just didn't have it in me back then, but I do now. Looks like you do as well. Go for it.