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Old 07-10-18, 01:42 PM
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Bikes: To the right: opinions, not facts.

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Originally Posted by livedarklions View Post
Thanks to some very friendly drivers peppering me with advice while driving, I have learned a number of surprising rules in the last month:

1) If I am to the left of a right turn lane, I am required to signal that I am going straight.

2) If the shoulder of a road is marked off with a white line, the shoulder automatically becomes a bike path, and I am required to confine myself to the right of that line regardless of the condition of the shoulder.

3) I should ride on the sidewalk.

4) If I am the first vehicle to a red light at a busy intersection, I must move to the right to facilitate a right turn on red by the car behind me even though that will put me in the blind spot of cars turning right after the light turns green.

5) I should watch where I'm going but it's ok to completely obstruct the rear window of a car with stuffed animals (still don't know what that guy was babbling about, but apparently he was my "bro").

6) I should get off of the road.

7) If I'm in a nearly empty convenience store/gas station parking lot, I am required to follow the arrows as if I was going through the donut drive thru or the gas pumps, even though that's actually about 1/4 mile around the lot, and I can see everybody entering and leaving the parking lot and the blacktop is incredibly hot. Otherwise, I am asking to be killed. (A pedestrian taking the exact same route out of the parking lot would have been perfectly safe and not challenged).

8) If I am on a state road, and I roll through an intersection while the truck on the side street waits at the stop sign, I should express my gratitude to him for not rolling the stop sign and killing me.
I like this list of Critical Knowledge All Cyclists Should Know (CKACSK).

To it, I'll add:
1. It's illegal for bikes to be on the road.
2. If you are using a crosswalk with the "Walk" sign on, you must give way to drivers turning right and you must give way drivers turning left, otherwise these innocent drivers are perfectly allowed to drill you. Because it's really hard to look in front of you while driving and missing something like a person is very easy and understandable.
3. The presence of lycra on my person is a clear indication of my sexual preference.
4. At a stop sign, cyclists should not take the lane and should stay to the right. Clearly, being "out in traffic" is crazy. Simultaneously, a cyclists who stays to the right to go straight suddenly becomes invisible and thus completely deserving of being creamed by a car turning right.
5. While approaching a stop light, a reasonable thing for drivers to do is to dangerously floor it around a cyclist and then slam on the brakes to narrowly miss the car in front of them. Because Cars Must Go In Front Of Bikes At All Times (easy to remember mnemonic: BCMGIFOBAAT).
6. The best time to pass a cyclist or group of cyclists on a road is around a blind curve with a double yellow line, preferably while flooring it. BCMGIFOBAAT.
7. Cyclists wearing brightly colored clothing and covered in bright, flashing lights in broad daylight are really, really hard to see. Almost invisible, in fact.
8. A pickup is a manly vehicle suitable for a manly man driving like a man should. A bike is... not.
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