Well the question is are you talking to a Bike Shop or a Bike Dealer. Big difference... All in all its getting out there and riding. I usually tell people to get something they can afford and get out there and ride. Latter on you can pick and chose your replacement or upgrade.
I have agonised over the dangers of riding a delicate bike at over 300#/136Kg. I have a 1980s Columbus Tubing
PR-10 that I won't ride when I'm over 250#/114Kg. I'm on the heavy side right now so I'm sticking with my old 1980s CroMo UNIVEGA.
I would suggest a CroMo Frame with Gravel Bike components for your start. Also don't get sucked in on fancy seats. Your going to need a WIDE SEAT. No extras padding! No springs! Just a wide simple seat. (Female seats are usually wider)
Supposedly there is a seat out there that is comfortable and will allow you to ride all day without any pain. But I think the elves snapped them all up to ride thier unicorns... Ha. Still the search is on...