sanspm, I'm a custom frame builder that has made many frames for women in my 45 year career. I'm not ambitious enough (in other words too lazy) to read through all the responses but what I can tell you is that even though you have been to several fitters, I'm suspicious your problem is a result of not having your hands high enough compared to your saddle. For many women if their handlebars are not at least as high as their saddle, that will bother the sensitive areas of their crotch. Oftentimes it has to be even higher. This can be a problem for some women that want to go fast and now have to sit in a more recreational casual upright position rather than a more go-fast aerodynamic and biomechanically efficient position. This more necessary upright position makes finding the right frame more challenging (which of course is why I do what I do).
My 30 something daughter is fit and fast but still uncomfortable if her handlebars are not at least level with her saddle. This may not be the case with you but the percentage of chance that it is, is pretty high.