Do you still have your gravel bike? The photo below is what a good road bike fit looks like. Note particularly the torso upper arm angle of almost 90° and the slightly bent elbows. Also note the angle of her back with respect to the horizonatal. It's very close to 45°. A properly fitted road bike will often feel like it has too much reach if one has not already been a road bike rider for some time. One gets used to it. It's actually the most comfortable position for long distance riding. The long reach and 45° torso are shock absorbers.
Get on your gravel bike in front of a mirror or a large shop window and see if your body is in the position shown in this photo. It it isn't, try to get it into that position and see what changes you'd have to make to do so.
I agree with the above advice about buying a new expensive bike. My first 2 road bikes were used, the second one closer to what I wanted than was the first one. Once I knew exactly what I wanted, I bought new.
