yeah, my multi-tool has a knife. get a multi-tool!
once when i was living in oregon i was seeing this girl for a few weeks and decided it wasn't happening, so i told her i didn't wanna date anymore. i was really nice about it and all but she was PISSED. anyway, the next morning i go outside (i just had this single speed beater i rode to class) and i grab the bars and ****ING CRISCO is ALL over them and now all over my hands. then i notice it's all over the entire bike, seat, pedals, tubing... i think there was even some on the tires. that **** was a pain to get off. the girl was kinda nutty. i ended up meeting a guy in her hometown who said she used to be into his friends and when he turned her down she would go by his work everyday for a couple of weeks and let the air out of his bike tires.
hell hath no fury...